Someone said:
"The so-called parents and children are nothing more than a parting that is gradually drifting apart."
This is because, as you slowly grow older and your children grow up, each will have its own difficulties and difficulties.
Some words, even if rotten in the stomach, cannot be kept nagging in the ears of children.
After all, you can't accompany them for a lifetime, they have their own life to live after all, and you have your own difficulties to break through.
At the right time, learning to let go is the best fulfillment for each other.
Chinese-style parents always seem to like to say things that hit their children's self-esteem.
Maybe it's to remind children to be humble, or maybe it's to show their own life experience.
But if this is always the case, it is not only easy for children to become inferior and sensitive, but also easy to make each other strange.
Cao Dewang, the king of glass, once said:
Education is to cultivate the heart, to cultivate children's self-esteem and self-confidence from an early age.
When Cao Dewang's eldest son, Cao Hui, was in the first grade, the teacher asked him to bring a matchstick to do addition and subtraction.
Cao Hui was called a parent because he did not bring it.
When Cao Dewang learned about it, he did not criticize his son, but asked why.
Cao Hui said: "I see that the senior students are learning mental arithmetic, and I also want to learn. ”
Cao Dewang did not refute him, but encouraged him: "I believe that you can do what others can do." ”
When he grew up, Cao Dewang also respected his choice, encouraged him to study in Hong Kong and the United States, and encouraged him not to stick to the life experience of his father and live his own life.
Cao Hui also lived up to expectations, and after successive ventures, he operated companies such as Fujian Sanfeng with great success.
Tao Xingzhi once said:
"Training and educating people, like planting flowers and trees, must first understand the characteristics of flowers and trees, distinguish between different situations to fertilize and water, which is called teaching according to talents."
It is true that loving children is the instinct of parents, but not all parents know how to love their children.
When faced with some different choices for children, learning to give them some space and educating them in a softer way may lead to better results.
When you are old, don't always stare at the shortcomings of your children, don't hit their self-esteem, maybe they can blossom in areas you don't expect.
Some parents always stare at their children's shortcomings, and some parents cannot treat their children with an equal heart.
The eldest aunt has two children, the eldest son is honest and the younger son has a sensitive head.
After the college entrance examination, one person lost and went to the factory to become a worker; a person triumphed, went to a good medical school, and went to Shenzhen to settle down.
With the passage of time, the life and work circles of the two have also undergone great changes.
The eldest son's income has not been too long, but the younger son's income does not know how many times it has doubled.
At this time, some voices appeared around him: "The eldest son is really out of breath." ”
The most terrible thing is that the great aunt herself thinks the same thing in her heart, often in front of the family, accusing the eldest son of this is not that it is not.
Once at a family gathering, after three rounds of drinking, the great aunt began to nag her eldest son again.
Unexpectedly, the lobby brother, who usually did not say much, cried and said: "My brother is capable, he gives you money to change to a new home; but you must understand that every time you and your father are uncomfortable, who is with you?" ”
As soon as this remark came out, the great aunt was also a little sad.
Treating the son who is beside him, he does not see the good of the other party, but he can't help but look at him with a worldly eye.
However, every child has his own different path to go.
If it is said that the excellent child went to the mountains and seas to shine on the lintel; the somewhat stupid child came to repay the favor.
They use their own somewhat clumsy ways to be with you and stay by your side.
Treat such children, never say unfair things to them again.
After all, the suppression from parents is the greatest injustice to them.
When a child has a family of his own, the first thing parents need to adapt to is to let them deal with their own household affairs.
You know, some of the help is more and more busy, and some relationships are more and more chaotic.
Parents can never stand in the perspective of one party and pick the faults of the other party, let alone say anything about the marriage relationship between their children and daughters.
In the hit drama "Heart Residence", Shi Yuan's mother never learned to let go and let the children deal with marriage problems on their own.
When Shi Yuan and Gu Qingyu fell in love, Shi Yuan's mother always disliked Gu Qingyu and picked his nose and right eye.
Even after the two got married, she also felt that her son should divorce Gu Qingyu and marry a girl who had been betrothed to a doll since childhood.
Even if she needs surgery, Gu Qingyu generously took out 500,000 yuan to change her kidney, she still feels that her daughter-in-law is not in place, and she would rather wait for death than ask for the other party's money.
This set up many obstacles to the marriage relationship between the two, and indirectly led to the breakdown of the marriage.
There is an old saying that goes, "It is better to demolish ten temples than to demolish one marriage." ”
Not to mention the marriage of one's own children.
When people live their lives, there are always all kinds of unsatisfactory and unhappy hearts.
When you can close one eye, don't always open your eyes to pick faults, and when you can keep your mouth shut, don't let cold words destroy each other's friendship.
The other half of the child is the one who wants to accompany him for the rest of his life.
When encountering contradictions, we must learn to help them resolve them; when we encounter problems, we must let them solve them.
If the marriage of two people is forcibly turned into a dispute between six people, it is doomed not to be a relationship that can go to the end.
Grasping the boundaries with adult children may be the first lesson parents have to teach themselves.
China has always ruled the family with filial piety, and some parents have always kidnapped their children in the name of "filial piety".
But sometimes, it's not that children don't want filial piety, it's that they also have their own powerlessness.
I remembered a news story earlier.
A grandmother in her 90s in Shanghai complained to reporters: "I am trapped in a nursing home. ”
A few years ago, Grandma Sun was injured by a fall and was put into a nursing home that combines medical and nursing care.
The old man wanted to live for a few months, but after she recovered, her children unanimously refused to take her home.
This made Grandma Very Depressed, and many people complained that their children were not filial enough.
However, on the other side of the story, the children also have their own grievances and difficulties.
They would come to see their mother every week with fresh ingredients and a change of clothes.
Mothers have a bad stomach, they will take edamame beans to protect the stomach; mothers have uncomfortable legs and feet, and they deliberately find experts to treat them.
The reason why she was not allowed to go home was because she was worried that she would have an accident living alone and that no one would be able to take care of her full-time.
When the children reach middle age, each has its own job, each has its own family, and the burden on no one's body is light.
Chinese has always paid attention to raising children and preventing old age.
But in this era when everyone is busy, the filial piety of children who accompany their parents all the time has become an extremely luxurious thing.
It is not that children do not want filial piety, but in a high probability, this filial piety is a kind of mental weakness.
As Bai Yansong said:
"We are destined to be the last generation of filial piety to our parents, the first generation to be abandoned by our children."
In this case, learn to reconcile with loneliness, learn to reconcile with old age, learn to reconcile with children.
Planning for the brilliance of the rest of your life in advance may be the most important truth that everyone should understand when they are moving towards their twilight years.
Someone said, "Every child has a fight with his parents." ”
This is because the people who have been closest to them will eventually go to separation in the journey of life.
But there is no need to be sad, after all, parents and children are already the biggest fate in life.
When you are old, learn to let go, learn to reconcile, and learn not to say these words to your children anymore:
If you hit your children's self-esteem, don't say it, grasp the scale of growth;
If you treat your children unfairly, don't say, maintain the temperature on the road of life;
If you are separated from the marriage relationship between your children, don't say, keep the boundary between everyone and the small family;
If you complain that your children are not filial piety, don't say, after all, everyone has the difficulty of whoever has it, and everyone has the embarrassment of whom.
The anchor | Tong Tong, public number: Tong Tong accompanies you to read, WeChat video number: Tong Tong accompanies you to read.
Pictures | Visual China