Author/Child
Marriage, not only the person you choose is very important, in fact, the other party's original family is also very important.
You choose the way of life you choose, and the family you choose, you choose the life. This is true at all. Don't think that getting married is a matter for the two of you, as a woman, even if you don't live with your in-laws, you usually have to intersect.
Marriage, bound not only two people, but also your family, to a certain extent, bound to each other.
Women should feel this more deeply. After all, the matter of marriage is more of a "marry out, marry in" such a statement, boys get married is to add to the family population, and girls are one less person. Although this situation has changed to a certain extent with the development of society, the traditional concepts that have been deeply rooted in the hearts of the people for thousands of years can certainly not be completely eradicated at once.
Therefore, what kind of family to marry is also crucial for women, and it is not even an exaggeration to say that this determines the future life.
If the man's parents are reasonable, the marriage will inevitably be able to be much happier on the original basis, if not, because the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not good, affecting the marriage relationship. Therefore, sometimes, instead of regretting it later, it is better to observe it at the beginning.
The first time we met, the mother-in-law with 3 kinds of performances, most of them were kind and black, don't be deceived.
01. Words and deeds are too polite
This kind of mother-in-law should be the most careful, because the person who meets for the first time is really easy to be confused by the appearance of the other party.
Some people may wonder, isn't it right to be polite in words and deeds? Politeness is right, this is also the basic principle of treating people, but politeness should be based on respect, equality, not humble mentality, I treat each other with sincerity, but do not deliberately please.
If you exceed a certain level, let you feel uncomfortable and embarrassed, and behave too obviously, there will be a demon when things go wrong, and most of them will be suspected of acting.
Only two days ago, I heard a sister complain, and she met such a mother-in-law. When we first met, she felt that her mother-in-law was really super good, especially polite, obviously made a large table of dishes, but kept saying that she did not entertain her well, saying that she was not good at cooking, etc., which made her feel embarrassed, that is, the enthusiasm was too much, making her a little overwhelmed.
She didn't think that much at the time. Later, she and her mother-in-law basically never met, so the impression of her mother-in-law has always been a warm and kind person in her heart.
It wasn't until after getting married that she lived together that she found that a person like her mother-in-law was a typical "smiling tiger".
She is like this to everyone, very polite on the surface, laughing when she sees people, and someone passes by at the door, as long as it is an acquaintance, she will bring a glass of water. But in fact, when you turn around, you say bad things about others, be careful with your eyes, think more easily, and like to misinterpret what others say.
Often the more such people are, the more they like to hide themselves with other appearances.
After she got married, there have been many contradictions with her mother-in-law, and sometimes with a casual sentence, her mother-in-law may think more, and then according to her own understanding, to add fuel to her son's complaint. Her husband always sided with her mother, so their husband and wife relationship also became a little nervous because of her mother-in-law, and there were many fights.
She now sees people like her mother-in-law, if she is too enthusiastic when she meets for the first time, she will basically rise in her heart, and always advise some people who are not yet married, if they see their mother-in-law for the first time, they must not be deceived by appearances, or they should know more.
02. Superficial praise, but actual suppression
There are some mothers-in-law, they may speak more moderately, but what they do clearly reflects the person's heart, in fact, it is not very good, and even what they say and do is completely opposite.
I have a high school roommate, when she first went to her boyfriend's house, her boyfriend's mother praised her in every way, saying that she was good here and there, and that her son was not worthy of her, and that she could marry into this family, which was their blessing.
She was overjoyed to say this.
So much so that the boyfriend's mother continued to praise her, asked her how she cooked, she said that she usually did not do much, the other party said that you are so capable, cooking must be very delicious, and then let her go to the kitchen to cook. She didn't react at the time, and really went.
On the way back, the more she thought about it, the more wrong she became: she bought a lot of things, went to the man's house for the first time, this belongs to the guests, where is the reason why the host lets the guests cook? Thinking about it again, when the friends around me first went to the man's house, no one was really called to cook by the man's mother, which was a basic respect. When her boyfriend came to his house, her parents were polite and had prepared all kinds of things, and they would not ask him to go into the kitchen.
This behavior of her boyfriend's mother, on the surface, is praised, but in fact, it is to suppress her, and by the way, I also want to test whether her personality is docile, no matter which one, the hidden heart is deeper.
Later, she and her boyfriend were separated for various reasons.
Speaking of her boyfriend's mother, she now always sighs that she is fortunate not to marry in the past, otherwise she really can't play with each other's personality, and if there are so many struggles and suspicions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law after marriage, the days will be too hard.
03. Help your son speak in advance
This kind of mother-in-law, I have also met friends around me.
When they first met, her mother-in-law told her that her son was not good, he had been spoiled by them since he was a child, and he needed her to be more considerate in the future.
She originally thought that these were just kind words, and she also understood that her boyfriend had flaws, but he also had advantages that she liked, so she didn't go to her heart.
In fact, some of the words that these helped my son say in advance, the subtext is: whether my son is good or not, you must tolerate and let him, my son is right.
Of course, she didn't think about it so much before marriage, until after marriage, she found that her mother-in-law really protected her son too much.
They sometimes quarreled, her mother-in-law knew, did not ask what the reason was, who was right and who was wrong, only felt that her son had been wronged, the heartache was too bad, so he had a lot of dissatisfaction with her, and even directly took words to scare her.
Her mother-in-law's intention was to help her son.
And this attitude of her mother-in-law really makes between the two of them, sometimes small things become big things, originally after the quarrel, it may be better after a while. But the addition of the mother-in-law will continue to lengthen the battle line, and finally it will become that she thinks that the mother-in-law is unreasonable and sends anger to her husband, and her husband also thinks that she is unreasonable to make trouble, and her mother is just saying two words.
So much so that this problem is directly unsolvable.
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is crucial, and in the end you may find that sometimes it is not how you want the relationship to be, it will become, it is useless for pure one to do well, it is important that the other party must also understand, and it must be a reasonable person, and mutual understanding becomes meaningful. Therefore, to a certain extent, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is also like the intimate relationship between lovers, try to choose well at the beginning, and do not expect the other party to change. Consider more, if you really can't get along, find out in advance, and stop the loss in time is the most important.
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