With the popularity of the TV series "Xiao Min's Family", the love and hatred between the two married men and women made the audience enjoy watching it.
And the bitterness and bitterness in it have made many people have a new understanding of love.
Compared with Liu Xiaomin's low-key caution, her sister Liu Xiaojie, no matter how disappointed she was with the first flash marriage, she was still reckless when she encountered love.
When her mother and sister both realized that her love object Xu Zheng was inappropriate in many ways, she still did not hesitate to the persuasion of the people around her and plunged into this "buried mine" marriage with Xu Zheng.
Liu Xiaojie is easy to lose her mind and lose her way in the face of love, which can be seen from her first marriage experience of flash marriage and divorce.
Liu Xiaojie is straightforward, cheerful, enthusiastic, and even a little too simple, and his understanding of love is very straightforward.
She felt that as long as two people were genuinely fond of each other, coming together to electricity, happy, and nothing else was very important.
Liu Xiaojie's first husband, Tong Bing, is an otaku who loves games more than others.
After marriage, in addition to playing games, other affairs were ignored, and Liu Xiaojie was ignored.
He also listened to his mother's words, secretly hid his salary behind Liu Xiaojie's back, and treated Liu Xiaojie like an outsider.
Tong Bing and Liu Xiaojie do not have any similar interests and hobbies, two people with diametrically opposite personalities, and soon after they met, they were married.
At that time, Liu Xiaojie was full of longing for love, and even his family did not know about the lightning marriage, which made Xiaojie's mother sigh continuously.
When he met Xu Zheng, Liu Xiaojie had already suffered from love, and he knew that people who were not suitable would not be happy together.
When Xu Zheng pursued Liu Xiaojie, he took her to a high-end restaurant to eat, drove a luxury car to pick her up, and bought an advertisement for an office building to express his love.
At this time, Liu Xiaojie also found that the gap between the two people's family situation was huge, and he refused Xu Zheng's confession for fear of repeating the same mistakes.
But Liu Xiaojie is always a person who puts love first, and when he rejected the rich Xu Zheng who lived extremely exquisitely, Liu Xiaojie thought that everything was over.
The next day, Xu Zheng put down his identity and rode a shared electric car to confess his feelings to Liu Xiaojie again.
He said that he had been deliberately creating a chance encounter between two people all the time, because he fell in love with her at first sight.
In order to grasp Liu Xiaojie's whereabouts, Xu Zheng even began to track Liu Xiaojie.
He thought that Liu Xiaojie would like it, so he engaged in romantic dating, but he did not expect to be self-defeating.
After listening to Xu Zheng's confession, Liu Xiaojie felt that the other party treated his feelings very carefully, and was unexpectedly moved by Xu Zheng's confession and was willing to give Xu Zheng a chance.
Because of Liu Xiaojie's simplicity, she ignored Xu Zheng's incorrect attitude towards feelings, and also laid hidden dangers for getting along later.
Why is Xu Zheng's attitude towards feelings incorrect?
01
The psychological mapping behind the tracking
When you like a person, you will want to know the other person's dynamics, understand the other person's preferences, and want to get the other person's good feelings.
But all this should be built within the confines of normal social interaction, rather than by stalking privately and premeditatedly presenting a "false me" to gain the other person's favor.
This "false self" only exists in the stage of getting along in order to gain the trust of the other party.
Once the disguise is put down and the "true self" is revealed, the other party is used to getting along with the "false me".
Switching to the "true self" will produce a strong feeling of being deceived, resulting in a breakdown of the relationship.
Xu Zheng's tracking behavior is actually a psychological mapping.
He has a strong sense of inconfidence in his true self, believing that if he appears in front of Liu Xiaojie with his true self, the other party will definitely not accept him.
This lack of self-confidence led Xu Zhengjian to take a biased edge, using tracking and secret observation.
Understand the places that Liu Xiaojie likes to go to and the pastimes he likes, to infer the type of Liu Xiaojie likes.
Then package yourself and attract Liu Xiaojie's attention.
Because of his lack of psychological self-confidence, Xu Zheng is going to deliberately package himself perfectly, create a sports-type persona, and deliberately create a chance encounter to get close to each other.
Liu Xiaojie thinks that these behaviors are because of love and care, in fact, behind these behaviors there is an unhealthy attitude of love.
In order to get the other party, you can temporarily put aside the real thoughts in your heart, play a character that the other party absolutely likes, and then remove the disguise when you get the other party completely.
This incorrect attitude, if detected in time to understand the other person's true thoughts, may also avoid inappropriate emotions.
But if this incorrect attitude is mistaken for affection, it will lay hidden dangers.
02
Two faces
Liu Xiaojie's mother has explained that the marriage of two people is best for the parents of both sides to sit down and talk slowly.
Xu Zhengming knew such a situation, or went against Liu Xiaojie's mother's intentions, and Liu Xiaojie secretly obtained a license, cutting first and playing later.
It can be seen that Xu Zheng's usual humility and courtesy are not entirely true.
Men who are ostensibly obedient and sensible are actually laying the groundwork for their own purposes.
Deliberately going against the parents' wishes, in fact, slowly exposed Xu Zheng's yin and yang violations.
Xu Zheng was afraid that the two families would sit down to talk about marriage, and he was also afraid that once he sat down to talk in detail, the marriage would blow.
When the two families ate, it could be seen from the contradictions in the conversation that Xu Zheng's parents were wary of Liu Xiaojie.
They just regardEd Liu Xiaojie as a woman with a family background who could listen to her son.
But I didn't expect that although Liu Xiaojie was married for the second time, she was still beautiful, and she was not obedient or planned to have children.
And from the conversation, it can also be found that Liu Xiaojie is not Xu Zheng's first love.
Before Liu Xiaojie, Xu Zheng experienced many failed feelings.
In the process of talking to his parents, Xu Zheng's face is very different from usual, not only grumpy but also bad attitude.
If Liu Xiaojie is willing to follow his mother's advice and wait for the two families to sit down and slowly discuss the marriage before deciding whether to get married, maybe he can find Xu Zheng's two faces earlier.
Instead of getting married, he discovered many secrets that Xu Zheng was hiding.
So, before getting married, you must not only know more about your partner, but also get to know your partner's family and friends.
Through a variety of evaluations, to determine whether the other party is sincere or false.
Only by understanding many aspects can we understand a person from more angles and distinguish whether what the other party says is the truth.
03
Extreme acts of retaliation
It is normal for any party in love to be jealous, but extreme jealousy is out of normal.
Just like Xu Zheng saw Qian Feng, who had a crush on Liu Xiaojie, after the end of the class reunion, hugged Liu Xiaojie to take a photo of his classmates, his jealous behavior seemed extreme.
Maliciously crashing into the car that Qian Feng was sitting in, ignoring safety regulations and ignoring the safety of human life.
This extreme behavior not only shows that Xu Zheng is particularly naïve in dealing with problems, but also reflects Xu's inability to control his behavior when he encounters his partner and the normal social interaction of the opposite sex.
In the eyes of people in love, this may be understood as loving too deeply.
And if you take off the hormonal filter, from the perspective of personal behavior alone, this is a selfish behavior without social morality.
Just because of their own imagination, they will cause deliberate destruction, not only ignoring the law, but also disregarding the rules of society.
Extreme retaliation is due to an extreme desire for control.
As soon as such emotions rise, they do not allow their partners to have contact with the opposite sex, nor do they allow other people of the opposite sex to covet their partners.
Violent tendencies are hidden under personal behavior, can make extreme retaliation against others, and will also behave deviantly to those around them when emotions are out of control.
This is all driven by the desire to control, losing respect for the other person.
This is a violation of personality, an act that normal people cannot tolerate.
In the face of partners who are ready to get married, when extreme behavior occurs, we must pay attention to it, do not act arbitrarily, and be blinded by love.
Blindly forgiving each other will only put yourself in trouble.
Author | Yu Bing graduated from Beijing Normal University majoring in finance, has been engaged in the financial industry, and then transferred to the media industry for 3 years, a domestic and foreign film and television analysis researcher, good at thinking about life from watching dramas, as well as exploring realistic emotional values from the current situation of women's existence at home and abroad, deeply inspiring many women to marry and self-improvement.