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Rabelais: "There is nothing more painful between people than to suffer annoyance and damage in a place where you think you deserve kindness and friendship. ”
The relationship between people can be divided into two kinds: one is fortified, and the other is an undefended relationship.
The relationship between fortification is well understood, that is, the meaning expressed in "the heart of harming people must not be there, and the heart of preventing people must not be without".
An undefended relationship refers to a relationship that is "taken for granted," such as the relationship between parents and children. Generally speaking, no one will be defensive about this relationship, and the heart will assume that there will never be annoyance and damage in this relationship.
But combined with reality, the affection in some families is not so pure, although it cannot reach the point of "tiger poison eaters", but there is no respect and trust between each other, and they have become the most familiar strangers.
This kind of problem will not arise for no reason, nor will it be a simultaneous attack on both sides, usually the actions of one party violate the principles and bottom line of the other party, and when they can't bear it, they turn their faces.
The relationship between the man and his mother is terrible, and the reason is the kind of situation we talked about above, let's take a look at what is going on.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
Many people say that it is difficult to love someone because it is difficult to make the other person satisfied with themselves. I think it is not difficult at all, I want to make the other party satisfied with themselves, around the other party's mind to do what they like.
I think it's easy to just put feelings purely between two people. If there is a difficulty, it must be the interference of external forces, such as the mixing of one or both parents.
I feel this way because my mom is the force that prevents me from loving my wife. Without her interference and obstruction, our lives would have been smooth sailing.
But there is no way to do this kind of thing, in this world, only family affection cannot be separated. Such obstacles have emerged in marriage, and they can only be bravely faced.
I think that if a man really loves his wife, he will definitely be a wife protector, and when his in-laws bully her, he will not recognize her.
That's how I did it anyway, and while my mom interfered with our marriage upset me, my heart wasn't so confused when I saw that resistance as a test for us.
I don't know where I and my daughter-in-law have offended my sister, only that she kept saying bad things about us in front of my mother, mainly against my daughter-in-law, fabricating a lot of facts that my mother seemed insulting to my mother, and then my mother came to ask for guilt.
She first pretended to live in our house without incident, and then she began to find nothing to do, deliberately picking at my daughter-in-law's faults, and then reprimanding her, and as she spoke, she began to change the subject, questioning her about the "facts" my sister said, and specifically picking out when I was not at home.
I didn't know it at first because I hadn't bumped into it, and my daughter-in-law didn't tell me. It wasn't that she didn't want to say it, but she didn't dare to say it because my mom told her a lot of alarmist things.
Until one day I found out that her mental state was not right, a look of heavy heart and soul, that I forced her to tell the truth.
I was very angry, feeling that my mother had deceived people too much, and that the unbearable facts that I had fabricated were simply humiliating.
Finding out that I knew, my mother first gave my daughter-in-law a vicious look, then began to list my daughter-in-law's guilt in front of me and asked me to divorce her.
I asked her where she was listening to the messy words, and she refused to betray my sister at first, but then I was forced to confess my sister.
I immediately called my sister and asked her to come to the house, confronted her in front of my mother, and revealed the fact that she was lying.
What I didn't expect was that my mother was still protecting my sister at this time: "Your sister is also for your own good, how can you scold your sister for an outsider?" She's crying and you still can't stop talking, have you done this brother's? ”
I hated her so much that she called my daughter-in-law an outsider, I loved her, and I wouldn't allow anyone to denigrate her, not even my mother.
I told her, "If you really want to be good for me, don't go around making rumors, which door is good for me?" Intention to break up my marriage called for my good? What kind of face does she cry, why do you protect a person who is full of lies, why don't you speak when my daughter-in-law cries? How important you think your daughter is, I think my daughter-in-law is important. Since you said that my daughter-in-law is an outsider, then you should not stay in a foreigner's house, go to your daughter's house to live, my daughter-in-law does not welcome you as an evil mother-in-law! ”
I don't want to get into this kind of trouble, do I? But what can I do? They deceive people too much, do I still have to pick a big thumb to praise them for doing a beautiful job? Do I have to believe their lies and divorce my daughter-in-law? Obviously, it was their fault that they bullied my daughter-in-law, and of course I had to stand up for my daughter-in-law, and of course I had to deny it to my six relatives.
If I don't, it will not only chill the people I love, but I will also punch myself in the face. I say I love her, and if I don't protect her when she needs my protection the most, am I still human? What face do I have to say I love her?
My mother even talked to me about the conditions, saying that my daughter-in-law owed money to her in-laws, saying that I had not yet repaid her parenting grace, and I only asked her one question: "How do you say to pay it back?" Let me cut the bones and return the father and the flesh to the mother like Nezha? ”
She didn't dare to accept my offer and went away with a smirk. I don't regret doing these things because I didn't do it wrong. On the contrary, she should not do anything that does not match her age and identity.
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
To be a human being, one should not only follow one's own standards, but also follow recognized norms of normal behavior and moral standards. Combining these two criteria to measure oneself and others is always legitimate.
From this point of view, the man's mother and sister violate the standards that normal people should follow, they just act according to their own standards, which is not right, once dominated by human weaknesses, they will inevitably say things that hurt others and do things that hurt others.
This kind of problem should be corrected, and those who make such mistakes should be punished, even if it is their own family, they should not be favoritistic, otherwise they are not helping them, but harming them.
After all, the group society in which we live needs universally accepted rules and standards, and those who do not follow the rules will be punished sooner or later. Don't correct them when they make small mistakes, and when they make big mistakes in the future, they will be punished more severely.
Combining this fact with what happened to the man, there was nothing wrong with him being a wife-guarding demon, and when his family bullied his wife, he was not wrong for his six relatives not to recognize it. This is the only right thing to do, and only by doing it is it good for yourself, your wife, your marriage, and your family.