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Jane Austen' Pride and Prejudice: "Pride prevents others from loving me, and prejudice prevents me from loving others." ”
An arrogant person is equivalent to a person with thorns, others can't get close to you, how can they love you?
A person who is prejudiced against others is equivalent to always holding a spike to stab someone, you will not love the person you look down on, and the other party will certainly not love you.
A person who has both characteristics will not be a "self-disciplined" person, because he does not understand self-observation, does not understand self-evaluation, and does not understand self-reinforcement.
No one's cognition will be completely correct, which requires us to learn self-observation, self-reflection, but also to listen to the advice of others appropriately, so as to help improve their cognition, make themselves less arrogant, let themselves be less prejudiced, so that they can better love and be loved.
The problem of his ex-wife mentioned by the following reader is related to the above question, let's take a look at what is going on.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
Everyone wants to take advantage, and no one wants to lose, but if everyone takes advantage, who suffers?
From the perspective of interpersonal relations, in order to run a good relationship, each other should have a "take advantage and lose" mentality at the same time. This time I lose you to take advantage, the next time I have to turn around, you lose and I take advantage, so as to maintain the balance of a relationship.
Unfortunately, some people do not understand this truth at all, nor have they ever thought about this truth, and they only want to take advantage of it, only accept that others are good to themselves, but they are not willing to know that they are good to others.
My ex-wife was such a person. Before we got married, she knew very well what the conditions were in my family; our family had almost hollowed out the family foundation for me to get married, and she couldn't have been unaware. However, she ignored our family's next predicament and was unwilling to lend a helping hand.
She always put on a solipsistic posture, appeared inhumane, did not have any human touch, and every time I talked to her, I was afraid that I would accidentally annoy her. It wasn't just me, our whole family saw her like a mouse met a cat.
But even though we care so carefully about her feelings, she still looks down on us. In her opinion, the money that my parents had paid for us before was not only taken for granted, but she felt that it was not enough, that she was indebted to her, and that she felt that she could have made more money by getting married.
By the time my sister got married and needed to buy a house, it was a difference of 100,000 yuan. Among all the people in our family, my daughter-in-law is the richest, of course, my mother will think of her first, thinking that it is easier to ask her daughter-in-law to borrow money than to ask outsiders to borrow money, and think that she has always been so generous to her daughter-in-law, when she has difficulties, she cannot stand by and watch.
Her hope was exchanged for disappointment, and my daughter-in-law said to her: "It is pitiful that my sister-in-law has no money to buy a house, but it has nothing to do with me, so why ask me to borrow money?" I am married, not a poverty alleviation, your daughter is getting married, and it is not my daughter who is married, I am not obliged to help her! When you first gave me such a little, I didn't settle the account with you, and you actually wanted to get the money back, which is really disgusting! ”
If she had just refused, my mom probably wouldn't have been angry. But she wants to hurt people when she refuses, can my mother feel better?
Like I said before, before my mother let her take advantage of the situation, she suffered losses, and now when she wants to let her suffer some losses, she is not happy, which is too unfair to my mother, no wonder my mother will let her go back to her mother's house as soon as possible.
Having said that, her kind of arrogant and rude person herself looks down on our family, my mother quarreled with her again, she will definitely cry and make trouble, tell people around that she has been wronged in her in-laws' house, that she has been bullied by her mother-in-law, and will divorce me after shirking her responsibilities.
I agreed to divorce because I felt that she was a scourge, a woman who did not know how to know the gratitude chart, could not be a good wife, nor could she be a good daughter-in-law. Logically, she shouldn't be so selfish. Our family itself has two children, the money is spent on my marriage, and then when my sister needs money to get married, of course, we have the responsibility to help, isn't it right for the family to help each other?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
The most common problem in marriage is the question of "money".
Some people have conflicts before marriage because they did not talk about money, and some people have conflicts after marriage because of the problem of spending money or borrowing money, in short, the two sides have not reached an agreement.
This kind of problem should be treated with caution, and if there is no agreement before marriage, it is better not to rush to get married. Otherwise, no matter who takes advantage of and who suffers, the problem will continue into married life.
Before marriage, the lion opens his mouth, or the party who takes advantage of the advantage, is often very selfish after marriage, unwilling to lend money to the other party's family, because in their view, borrowing money is a loss, and if the money is lent out, it will not be recovered, and they will suffer losses.
Although there is indeed such a precedent, some daughters-in-law have not returned after lending money to their in-laws, but this is not a common phenomenon. Whether your in-laws are really good to you, as long as you are not arrogant, not prejudiced, and judge with your heart, you can come up with an accurate answer.
The in-laws are really good to you, of course you should be grateful. On the contrary, if the in-laws are not good for you, you can be less generous.
The most important thing is to manage yourself first, only to make sure that you have no problems, your standard of view of the problem will not be too biased. According to the most real situation you are facing, it is a win-win situation to manage the relationship between husband and wife and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in a targeted manner.