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"How Steel is Made": "Man's life should be spent in such a way that when he looks back on the past, he will not regret his inaction and wasted his years; nor will he feel guilty for being despicable and living a vulgar life." ”
There should be guidelines for being a person, and life should have a guiding ideology, which is like writing an article with a context, which can help to plan the layout and achieve the goals you want and meaningful.
Life is only once, life is a one-way street, there is no way to start again. Therefore, we should strive to be prudent and do things conscientiously in the process of moving forward. You can say that you don't care about other people's gossip, but you can't care if your heart is satisfied and soothed.
Many times, considering the consequences and thinking about whether we can bear a certain kind of consequence can regulate our current words and deeds. This may allow us to avoid some mistakes and make ourselves less detours.
Not only should everyone pay attention to these problems as an independent individual, but when you think of yourself as a member of the group, you sometimes need to remind other individuals to pay attention to these problems. For example, in the small group of families, parents have an obligation to remind their children of those problems.
The following reader talks about her mother-in-law's problems, which are related to the above questions, let's take a look at them.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
In my opinion, a mother-in-law with high emotional intelligence is the coolest.
The mother-in-law's high emotional intelligence, I think the most important embodiment is: help not help relatives.
Under the premise that the daughter-in-law has no problems, if the rest of the in-laws have nothing to do, whether the mother-in-law knows how to help the daughter-in-law to uphold justice can prove that she is not a good mother-in-law.
My mother-in-law is a good mother-in-law, and although a smile is rarely seen on her face, it does not delay her reasoning. She has a more reasonable standard of distinguishing between right and wrong in her heart, treating everyone equally, and whoever makes a mistake will be reprimanded by her.
Such a mother did not teach her daughter to be reasonable, which made me somewhat incomprehensible. I don't know which link went wrong, but I know that what my sister-in-law did was very different from what my mother-in-law did.
Maybe it's because she's in adolescence, or maybe it's because her mother-in-law was too busy and neglected to discipline her, in short, she has an unhealthy heart, is very selfish, always thinks of others too badly, and there is also a tendency of "who doesn't let me feel better, I won't let anyone be better".
Not long ago, my mother-in-law brought her to visit us at my house, planning to stay for a few days. I gladly received them because we usually don't live together, sometimes work is too busy, and there will be emotional communication between each other. It was hard to get together, and I felt that I had to be enthusiastic, or I wouldn't know how to be human.
My mother-in-law, as always, is as heavy as water, and will do a lot of things without my reminder, and all kinds of housework will be done unconsciously, and even our sheets and covers will be washed for us. These behaviors made me feel unspeakably fond of her.
And the sister-in-law, although she also did a lot of things silently, but what she did was disgraceful. She didn't respect my privacy, rummaged, messed around, messed with my things, and the most unbearable thing for me was that she rummaged through my phone and computer. She actually secretly wrote down my password, which is a bit too ignorant, right?
At first, I was hindered by my mother-in-law's affection, and I didn't have a good seizure, so I thought that I would have to endure it, and when they left, they would be fine.
But the things she had intensified had drained my patience and good temper little by little.
One day my mother-in-law was busy doing things, and suddenly heard me arguing with my sister-in-law, and she rushed out to pull us away. Before I could speak, my sister-in-law said to her, "Come home with me, my sister-in-law looks down on poor relatives!" ”
The mother-in-law said, "Your sister-in-law has never looked down on poor relatives, and you don't have anything to do!" ”
The sister-in-law then began to list my guilt: "Isn't this my brother's house?" Do I need to see outside my brother's house? Why didn't she let me move, and then she wouldn't let me take it? She herself is an outsider, but she treats me as an outsider, why? She will do this to me today, tomorrow will do this to you, you don't have to be deceived by her, she is not a good person at all! Don't we think we're from the countryside? What's so great, she takes herself too seriously! In my opinion, you should take out the momentum that your mother-in-law should have and let her get out and reflect for a few days! ”
The mother-in-law was not seduced by her words: "It is you who should roll!" Because this is both your brother's family and your sister-in-law's home, you and I are outsiders, this is an indisputable fact. When you go to someone else's house as a guest, you certainly can't mess with other people's things, unless you have the consent of the owner. I don't think she looks down on you, she's just stopping you from making mistakes, just teaching you that you should be polite. ”
The sister-in-law said "You don't leave me" and was about to leave, I wanted to keep her, but my mother-in-law stopped me: "Let her go!" Bad things can't be used to! It is my goddaughter who is not strict, and I will take good care of her again! ”
What the mother-in-law really thinks in her heart, I don't know, anyway, the appearance of the appearance makes me very satisfied. At least she didn't treat me as an outsider, didn't blindly protect her daughter, and it was reassuring to have such a mother-in-law. It's just that I don't know how she will take care of her sister-in-law in the future, do you think I need to do something for her?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
Whether she can help her mother-in-law do something, and how to do it, depends on what age her sister-in-law is.
If she is not yet an adult, she cannot be educated as an adult, because her cognition is limited, and it is difficult to tell her the truth beyond her cognition and educate her in a way that is beyond her cognition. The best way is to guide her, to touch her with love, and to cultivate her sense of morality.
If you are an adult, you need to be relatively harsh, because once the habits and ideas of "tending to stereotype" are deeply rooted, it is difficult to shake them. We should seize the time to correct her wrong behavior and thinking, put forward corresponding requirements, and give corresponding rewards and punishments.
To regulate a person's words and deeds, we should combine self-education with external education. From the perspective of pedagogy, the small group of the family, similar to the class collective in the school, needs to have tasks and goals, needs to have the core figure to lead, needs to have the right rules, needs to establish the right "public opinion" and "atmosphere", and supplemented by a variety of "love education activities", in order to promote the self-education ability of each member of the family.
This kind of wealth at the level of thought, or the standard of doing things, cannot be delusional and cannot be achieved overnight, but needs to go through a process. If the reader wants to help her mother-in-law, she can refer to the ideas we have described above to carry out family education. This is not only for the sake of her sister-in-law, everyone in the family can go to a higher level of consciousness, but also lays a good foundation for her future parenting.