Lu Yao wrote in "Ordinary World": "Kinship is often the most vulgar, trying to dip each other, rolling your eyes without touching the light, and even the biggest difficulties in your life are often caused by relatives." ”
Sun Shaoping helped his relatives fill a jar of water, and the relatives did not have the intention of staying overnight, which was in stark contrast to the previous employer, and also made Sun Shaoping have a deep understanding of the relationship between relatives.
Some relatives are indeed relatives, and in their eyes, whether you have money or not, whether you have a career or not, you are the person they care about and are related to them by blood. You have difficulties, they have the ability, will help you. If you are powerless, they will understand you, they will not be difficult for others, and they will not have the idea of a person ascending to heaven, expecting you to lead them to soar.
In the eyes of some relatives, whether you are their relatives or not is not a blood relationship, but whether you have usable value. If there is, even if you don't want to recognize this relative, even if the blood relationship between you has weakened to almost nothing, he can climb up with you and talk about family affection.
Writer Zhou Chong has a saying that is very well placed: "If a person has several bear relatives, the happiness value of life will plummet." ”
What's worse is that some people know that compared with the older generation who pay attention to kinship, today's young people pay more attention to the sense of proportion, pursue the principle of saving the emergency and not saving the poor, helping is the principle of love and not helping, if you directly find young people to open their mouths, the possibility of rejection is relatively large, so some people will hit your parents with the idea.
Relatives open their mouths, maybe it is good to refuse, it is a big deal to fall out with each other, it does not matter if there are no relatives, but if your parents open their mouths, it is not good to refuse, reject their parents, most people can not do it.
Recently, Wu Jiong encountered this kind of bad thing: "Relatives directly asked me to borrow money, because of the bad reputation, it is the kind of meat bun that beats the dog and has no return, and my daughter-in-law rejected it, I said, my daughter-in-law is in charge of the family's economic power, he does not borrow, I can't do it." I thought he would give up and stop hitting my idea, but unexpectedly, he found my mother, and as soon as my mother opened her mouth, I was going to have a headache. ”
01. It's not that I don't miss family affection, but that I don't save the poor in the emergency, knowing that the other party does not repay the money and lend it to him, isn't it stupid?
Wu Jiong is often called the phoenix man, born in a poor family, his parents are loyal and honest farmers, who have done most of their life's farm work, have a meager income, and have to save money to save money for their sons to study.
Wu Jiong is very sensible, considerate of the hardships of his parents, never let his parents worry about reading, has excellent grades, was admitted to a key university, and successfully stayed in the provincial city after graduation, and his current monthly salary is about 40,000 yuan.
"Blame me for being stupid! People, when they are developed, they want to return to their hometown, let their fathers and fellow villagers see their most beautiful appearance, want to repay their parents, improve their parents' lives, I also did this, not only unabashedly told my relatives and friends their true income, but also spent money for my parents to buy a house in the town, purchased furniture and appliances, and gave them two or three thousand living expenses every month. ”
Do things high-profile, be low-key, if you are too high-profile, you know to show off your wealth, it is easy to get into trouble, just as the sentence, not afraid of thieves, afraid of thieves!
Relatives and friends saw that Wu Jiong had a good life, and each had his own thoughts. Some relatives are loyal and honest, sincerely bless Wu Jiong, and do not have the idea of beating Wu Jiong, and some relatives are the kind of greedy and cheap people, who are used to holding high and stepping low, and directly start Wu Jiong's idea, such as Wu Jiong's lazy third uncle.
"I am really not the kind of person who forgets my relatives when I am developed, but I must be principled in life!" If you encounter an emergency, urgently need money to save your life, have a credit guarantee, repay the money on time, if I can help, I will definitely help, for example, my cousin's grandson is seriously ill and urgently needs money to save his life, I borrowed 20,000, my daughter-in-law has no opinion. In less than a year, the cousin returned the money and gave me interest. ”
However, when you meet the third uncle's kind of person who borrows money for granted and repays the money, he is a person who has the attitude of your boy who does not think of love, who is willing to lend him money?
02. My mother is soft-hearted, heavy on feelings, opened her mouth several times, and my wife is very angry;
The third uncle also looked for Wu Jiong and opened his mouth with Wu Jiong several times, and as a result, Wu Jiong lent out nearly 20,000 yuan, and he could not get a penny back, which made Wu Jiong feel very angry.
The wife gave Wu Jiong an idea: "You said, I am angry, confiscated your salary, whether to borrow money or not, I have the final say." ”
Then, Wu Jiong's wife resolutely refused the third uncle's request, but the third uncle was not dead hearted, so he went to find Wu Jiong's mother.
In order to let his parents have a good pension and no longer worry about it, Wu Jiong reported good news and did not report worry, only told his parents that he had a monthly income of 40,000, a house and a car in the provincial city, a wife and children, as for how much pressure he had and how much the big city cost, Wu Jiong did not tell his parents, so the problem came.
"My mother probably thinks that her son is omnipotent, making 40,000 yuan, but he doesn't have to spend money, and the third uncle borrows thousands at a time, which is not much at all, and has no impact on our lives." Ay! ”
Wu Jiong's father is also a loyal and honest person, and he has also helped some relatives whose credit is not guaranteed, which makes Wu Jiong feel very distressed.
03. I just understood that reporting good news and not reporting bad news may make parents feel that their son is omnipotent;
Borrow it, the wife found out, must quarrel with herself, accuse herself of being a phoenix man, will not deal with the relationship with the original family. Don't borrow it, open your mouth to reject your parents, it's really difficult, several times the words have come to your mouth, you can't say it.
Just when Wu Jiong was worried, his wife suddenly invited her in-laws to come to the house for a while and help her see the children.
"It wasn't until my mother cried and apologized to me that she shouldn't have caused me any trouble that I knew what my wife was thinking." During this period, because our company's order is about to arrive at the time of delivery, we work overtime every day, and often return home to be shouted up to work, my mobile phone can not be muted, always pay attention to the tasks assigned by the company. ”
That day, at one o'clock in the morning, Wu Jiong's mobile phone rang, was shouted up to work, Wu Jiong was used to it, opened the computer, the mother got up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet, saw the light in the study was actually on, entered the door to see, suddenly painful.
"My mother asked me, I didn't say anything, my wife said it all, told my mother about my work at 10 o'clock every day, often got up in the middle of the night to work overtime, talked about how we have to pay more than 10,000 mortgages every month, talked about the cost of children's schooling, and led my mother to visit the vegetable market, my mother only knew that we earned more, spent more, not a rich and expensive family."
The wife told Wu Jiong that although Wu Jiong's parents valued family affection and could not be open-minded, they were very good, in order not to let Wu Jiong be caught in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, they did their best to serve her confinement, help her with children, and was an old man who was considerate of her children and grandchildren, so she asked her in-laws to come over, to understand well the difficulties of sons and daughters-in-law, and to know how the money lent out came from, so that the in-laws would not continue to embarrass their sons for their relatives, and let relatives spend the hard-earned money of their sons.
Wu Jiong finally breathed a sigh of relief: "Seeing that I work overtime at 1 a.m., my mother no longer helps my relatives borrow money, I know that I have voluntarily refused, and if I encounter unreasonable people, I can directly scold back." ”
04. When your parents affect your life, don't report good news or worry, let them hurt you, and you can do a lot less.
Zhou Guoping once said: "The sense of proportion is a sign of mature love, interpersonal communication, to know how to abide by the necessary distance between people." ”
When others cross the line and bring you trouble, you must adhere to your own bottom line, and refuse what you should refuse. If you can't afford to be open-minded, you may lose economic benefits, even cause dissatisfaction from your spouse, affect your own small family, and ruin your son for the sake of face, how stupid?
When your parents affect your life, don't report good news or worry, let them hurt you, and there are many things less. They don't know your difficulties, they may think that you can do everything, so it is appropriate to let your parents know your difficulties, know that it is not easy for their children to make money, and they will not cause you trouble for face.
Parents may not be able to share anything for their children, but they can always do it without dragging their children's hind legs!
END.
Today's topic: What is your view of kinship? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.