He Suohuan, a writer of sexual affective psychology, writes love stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
Dou Wentao shared a short story in "Round Table Party".
He has a relative, and he often sees a security guard in the community, which can be regarded as a nod of friendship.
He sometimes shares something with the security guard, and the security guard will help carry things;
If nothing else, such a relationship may always maintain such a distant nod of the head.
But the calm was broken.
One day, the security guard told his relatives that his wife had come from the countryside but had nowhere to live.
So the security guard asked if he could temporarily stay at this relative's house for one night.
This scene made the relatives stunned at that time, and finally politely refused.
Dou Wentao said that this is a typical conflict in "fake acquaintance relationships".
You said that the relationship is not familiar, you do know this person, and you can meet often;
You say that you are familiar with each other, and you are very disgusted by his request, but in his eyes you think it is reasonable.
Thus, contradictions arise.
There is a question in Zhihu: Why do many young people dislike guests at home?
Seeing this problem, in fact, many people are now in a "fake acquaintance relationship" in the relationship between them and their relatives.
It seems that they have relatives and feelings, but in fact they do not have much intersection with each other.
If it weren't for a little blood relationship, it might not even be comparable to neighbors and ordinary friends.
The attitude of contemporary people towards visiting relatives and friends is:
I hate when others come to my house as a guest, and I don't like to visit other people's homes, and we maintain a relationship that is not far away from each other.
The reasons for this are none other than the following.
-01
False feelings: The relationship is not familiar, pretending to be familiar
Someone on the Internet summed up the reasons why young people are disgusted with walking relatives:
There are not many contacts, but there are quite a lot of tubes;
The ability is not good, the tone is quite large;
The relationship is not familiar, pretending to be quite familiar.
The most discussed by netizens is the "fake" conversation with relatives.
You studied accounting, and relatives asked you:
"Will it settle the score? Do the math for me. ”
You studied computers, relatives said:
"Will you fix your phone?" Will you fix the computer? Do me a favor. ”
You studied education, relatives say:
"Then let's see, can you help me tutor my children's homework?"
If your education is not high, the job is average, and the income is not high.
At this time, the relative turned into another face:
"Hey, what's the use of learning this major."
"It seems that your school is not very good, my child has only graduated from high school, and he makes more money than you"
"Did you buy a house? Bought a car? Is there an object? My child has a car and a house, and the child will play soy sauce."
You are doing well, relatives want to get something for nothing in you;
You are not doing well, and some relatives have an inexplicable sense of superiority and want to step on you.
How can such a false kinship not be disgusted by young people?
-02
Hate people who don't have a sense of boundaries and disturb their own lives
One day, a good friend of mine called me to complain.
He said a group of "annoying" relatives had arrived in the house.
I asked him: What happened?
He said:
A few relatives who were not very close to him came to his city to play, and they thought of visiting his house.
He pondered: It's okay to visit the door, anyway, it will leave soon.
Unexpectedly, this relative brought a large family, two cars, adults and children, a total of 9 people.
When my friend went downstairs to pick it up, I was dumbfounded.
He only knew 4 of them, and the rest were juniors from relatives, and did not know each other.
The friend and his wife went downstairs to greet them, stunned for a few seconds.
Finally, reluctantly led a group of people upstairs.
Under normal circumstances, so many people come, can you sit and drink a cup of tea and leave?
As a result, when it came to lunchtime, the other party still had no intention of leaving.
My friend ordered a dozen dishes at the restaurant, intending to ask relatives to come over to eat.
As a result they said:
"It's too tiring to drive, so let's eat it at home."
The friend held back the anger in his heart.
In his family's 100-square-meter house, more than a dozen people are crammed into the living room, can you imagine how depressing?
After eating, the other party did not mean to leave.
What's even scarier?
Several relatives even asked, "Can you keep a few people and stay at your house for the night." ”
The friend was angry at that time and directly refused.
Without refusing, it was hard for him to imagine what would happen.
What is annoying is not a certain relative, but the kind of person who "lacks a sense of boundaries".
When you go to other people's homes, you don't have a sense of proportion, and you don't know how to observe words.
After eating, he still does not leave;
The hosts were busy in the kitchen, and they were sitting in the living room chatting;
The hosts cleaned up and they were still sitting.
In short, they are not aware of their actions at all, which has affected each other's lives.
Now many young people live in buildings.
The house is 100 square meters, and the family of three or four people lives just right.
But if a group of relatives come to the house, there is not even a place to sit.
You say, who wants to visit relatives?
-03
I care more about my privacy and don't want to be spied on
For today's society, home can only be a home, not a place for socializing.
A home is a place of privacy, privacy.
Only people who are well connected and close enough can enter someone else's home.
In addition, most people do not welcome people to their homes.
In the same way, they don't like to visit other people's homes.
"I will not cause you trouble, I will not disturb your normal life; But my request is also very simple, don't bother me. ”
Thought of an experience of mine.
Once there were guests at home, I went on a business trip and did not come home, and the study was not locked.
When I got home, I found that there were missing documents on the bookcase and a mobile phone.
When I asked my parents, I learned that it was a child from a relative's family who took away my book and mobile phone.
Although that phone is idle, it has some of my files in it;
Although the book did not affect me much, you should also tell me if you took it.
At that moment, I felt that my privacy had been violated and my private space was being spied on.
Do you know that feeling?
The reason why people hate others to come to their homes is essentially that they don't want their private space to be disturbed and peeped at by others.
-04
Troublesome and tired, and wearing a mask to force a smile
When others come to your house as guests, you have to entertain each other, serve tea and water, and chat with each other.
But what you originally thought was:
After a day off, I took my family and children out on a drive and had a good meal.
But the "uninvited" of the guests disrupts all your plans.
Your relationship is unfamiliar, but in order to give each other enough respect, you have to force a smile.
There is no topic, but it is hard to find a topic to talk about;
There is no common circle and intersection, but talk about aimless cooperation.
Hypocrisy, embarrassment with a hint of anxiety.
The social environment of the older generation is completely separated from the current social model.
Different living environments, different eras, and different focuses required for life all lead to different social views between the two generations.
People in the sixties and seventies prefer to visit relatives, because when they were young, they spent time in small talk with people.
Today's people have a richer lifestyle and prefer to be alone, so they really don't like to visit the door.
Today's Topic:
What do you think about "walking relatives"?
Do you hate people coming to your home?