It's the New Year, the fragrant ones are also eaten spicy and drunk, and the sisters' process has come to accept questions from relatives?
Digging sauce recently discovered a "relative" master named "red-billed green parrot", which can be called everyone's Internet mouth.
A relative wanted to introduce her to a middle-aged greasy uncle who "managed hundreds of people" as her husband, and she said:
"Handle a few hundred people, group leader?"
Rejected the uncle, turned his head to look at the son of this enthusiastic relative, a 15-year-old male high school student.
Then he said the words of the tiger and wolf to the mother:
"Male high, I better take this bite, quickly introduce your son to me!"
Diao-chan only regretted that he didn't see her video earlier, and could only choke speechlessly in countless moments when he was urged to marry and have children by relatives.
Green Parrot's "annoying relatives" series of short videos have been updated for more than a dozen episodes, and all of them are hundreds of thousands of likes, which is no less exciting than New Year comedy.
There was not a single dirty word in the whole process, but the other party had been sprayed to the point of incompleteness. Many people saw her witty attack and wanted to borrow her mouth to go home for the New Year.
Before officially starting to learn the "Great Method of Caring Relatives", it is necessary to clarify the character of "Red-billed Green Parrot" in her small theater.
She plays a 25-year-old girl who is keen to sit at the dining table and chat with various relatives, and occasionally has a mother.
The relative who is frenzied by her daily is the "cousin".
Calling her cousin on the lips, she is not really the cousin of Brother Green Parrot, but the cousin of her third uncle.
Because when she first came to the house as a guest, saying that Brother Green Parrot didn't like to talk offended her.
So Brother Green Parrot came with a big contrarian sentence "The cousin of the third uncle is my cousin", and since then he has regarded her as a "thorn in the eye".
The mother is a person who understands her daughter very well, and never forces her to come out and socialize with relatives and friends, but the green parrot does not refuse to see relatives, she said:
"It's okay Mom, I like to socialize." (In fact, I simply like to scare relatives)
After returning home for the New Year, the days when she received torture from various relatives began...
Like all urban beauties, the most common question asked by relatives is: Why aren't you married yet?
In the face of marriage urging relatives, the green parrot brother directly made a move of "messing with the mandarin duck spectrum", and whoever the other party mentioned was not refused to be willing to enter the palace of marriage.
On this day, the "cousin" came and said to her: You are 26, and if you don't get married, you will be old.
She directly turned against the guest and said: Is your daughter divorced, introduce your (former) son-in-law to me.
The other person said, "No, how can this work." ”
She came with a deafening inverted sentence: You are a little stingy, I think.
The "cousin" returns for the second time and says that she wants to introduce her daughter to the sweet factory director.
The appearance of this plant director is average, he is not tall, but he also has one meter six three.
Green Parrot: It's okay, you have to jump up one meter eight!
The director weighs about 170, and the green parrot: It's quite self-disciplined.
Seeing that the marriage was about to be completed, the green parrot calculated: If this is the case, I will not be your daughter's boss lady in the future.
"Then I will expel your daughter."
In the end, the "cousin" ate a dumb stomach, was so angry that she had nothing to say, and left the green parrot's house with a sentence of "you are really sick".
At this time, the green parrot said seriously: "You are too impetuous. (Remember this sentence, you will take the test later)
Not married, but does not prevent relatives from directly giving birth, which comes to the second trick of relatives' soul torture: Why don't you have children yet?
The strategy of the green parrot brother is: borrow the slope to get off the donkey, find the opponent's pain point and hit the fatal blow.
This time it was the daughter of the "cousin" who came out to be scolded, and it was also the female elite Tiantian who was mentioned countless times.
Seeing other relatives who did not want to have children, Tian Tian advised the green parrot brother: "Don't learn from them, how can there be a woman who does not have children!" ”
At this time, the green parrot smiled evilly: This is your initiative to cue me.
The counterattack began: "You are Sister Tiantian, you are very similar to your mother, I don't mean looks." ”
Digging sauce: Know know, it's the annoying one.
Next, Brother Green Parrot dug a hole for Sister Tiantian: "Can I be a good mother in the future?" ”
As we all know, the person who persuaded the child could not care whether his parents were qualified or not, and Tian Tian immediately expressed his affirmation of the green parrot brother being a mother, but he did not expect the green parrot brother to change his words:
"Aren't you divorced, your son is with your ex-husband, right? Single-parent families have a particularly great impact on the development of children, so let me be a mother for your son, and you introduce your ex-husband to me. ”
Also added a knife:
"Your ex-husband can divorce you, which shows that others are quite good."
Then he successfully angered Sister Tian Tian and called her a brain disease.
The green parrot turned to the other relatives and said, "She's just like her mother, impetuous." ”
There are also times when scolding is even harder.
A female elder came to persuade her to give birth again, otherwise there would be no child around when she was old, and no one would bury her when she died.
Brother Green Parrot's mouth couldn't help it again, and said, "Auntie, in case your son walks ahead of you, you are not like us, no one is buried." ”
After saying that, he enthusiastically wanted to introduce the tombstone master to his aunt:
"I have a cousin who is a stonemason, and now the tombstones are all automated, and you can lie in it the day after tomorrow."
The aunt left a few beautiful Chinese words and left without stopping.
Some relatives focus on promoting marriage and childbirth, and some relatives like to secretly rub and show off their wealth.
Brother Green Parrot is not afraid of this, and when he encounters someone who shows off his wealth, he immediately cries and asks to borrow money.
Or "cousin", came up and asked how much Brother Green Parrot earned a month at work, saying that his daughter Tiantian now earns more than 20,000 a month.
Brother Green Parrot immediately took out his mobile phone:
"I want to add her WeChat, you push me!" I want to buy that baby bus (Wuling mini), and now it's still 39,000 short, and Tian Tian can buy me one after two months' shift. ”
On this day, a male elder who rubbed rice came to the house, and his father was full of taste, saying that the green parrot brother could not cook, and his eldest daughter and second daughter could be diligent at home.
Brother Green Parrot was not angry, but only thought that the prey was coming, and his eyes shone with green light, and said:
"Your daughter is a housekeeper?"
After the greeting, the other party entered the topic, saying that his youngest son had bought a house, with a down payment of 800,000 yuan and a decoration of 280,000 yuan.
Then he urged the green parrot to buy a house, bragging that he could find his son for anything.
This kind of good opportunity to take advantage of the green parrot brother can not let go.
She immediately said that her brother rented a house outside, a month's rent is not cheap, she will graduate soon, and let the male elders help the two of them build a bedroom each.
"But I pee a lot at night, you ask your son to give me the master bedroom with the toilet."
The male elder immediately retreated, saying that his house had not been renovated.
Brother Green Parrot: "You gave 280,000 before you installed it, are you not very good in brains." ”
Sometimes, "annoying" relatives also bring "annoying" children.
What to do at this time? Of course, it is to continue to play the essence of yin and yang strange qi.
The "cousin" brought her cousin's sweet daughter, and the children looked around and accidentally broke the newly bought perfume of the green parrot.
She wasn't angry at all and asked, "Who is this?" Is it a child? I thought it was a thief! ”
"Your eldest grandson, the detection ability is very good, he can find my perfume in the box in the top drawer of the cabinet, and can be used as a police dog."
Mom came out to play the circle, saying how can people be police dogs.
She said: "Why can't people be police dogs, police dogs have a staff." ”
Before the relatives left, the green parrot took out his collection code and took back the perfume money.
What a relief.
Another time, the child came to the green parrot's house and began to jump up and down, and she immediately opened the ability of the Onmyoji:
"Your son was bitten by a dog last time, didn't he get an injection?"
The child turned the beef jerky out of her suitcase to eat, and the green parrot immediately specified the future direction for him:
"It's also very suitable for being a police dog."
The bear child ran to someone's house to rummage through the cabinets, knocked off her brother's headphones, broke her father's gap, and spilled her mother's makeup.
The unbearable green parrot smiled and asked the child: "Little friend, do you believe that I can slap you as soon as I lift my butt?" ”
The child didn't believe it, so she raised her hand and slapped it a few times, which was a bad breath to her friends who dared to slap angrily in front of the mobile phone screen.
At this time, the father of the child, who had been pretending to be invisible before, was anxious and asked her why she was beating his son.
Green Parrot (surprised): "Oh! Is this your son, is it going to use a dog beater? ”
It's home damaged...
It's not a secret, Digging sauce brings in the role of relatives, and I feel that I will be scolded by the green parrot brother to cry when I go back.
After netizens learned all her courses, they also comforted their "cousin" through their mother's mouth:
"What do you say you messed with her?"
However, more people used her as their Internet mouthpiece, repeating the golden phrases of the green parrot in the comment area, eager to copy and recite the full text.
Green Parrot is a "calm madman" in the hearts of fans, and politely said the tiger and wolf words that everyone wants to say but dare not say and will not say.
One move changed from passive to active, immediately occupied a favorable position, with a wild attitude that the person who did not refuse to accept all the rivers and rivers to face all the relatives to show off wealth, show off children, urge marriage, and promote childbirth...
As long as you put on this attitude, all the careful thoughts of the other party will instantly turn into paper tigers.
Want to urge marriage and childbirth, right? Give me your son and ex-husband.
Want to show off your wealth, huh? The house is for me to live in, and the money is for me to spend, otherwise I will be kidnapped by morality.
Bear children don't care about being a demon, right? Whose police dog does not come out to take care of it, does not want to compile it.
Fear is cool, but the green parrot brother also has a principle: the purpose of the so-called "scaring relatives" is not to completely break with others, but to let the other party stop and close the wheat in time.
There are many ways to achieve this, and rigidity is definitely not a smart choice.