01
Keigo Higashino wrote in "Relief Grocery Store": "How fragile the bond between people is. ”
All relationships are like a flower, as long as they are hit by a storm, I believe that this flower will be completely destroyed. Zero fell into mud and dust, and eventually it will become the dust of the past.
The relationship between friends, although blessed by "friendship" and can last longer, is not stable, but like a building that will fall, crumbling.
The relationship between family members is the most complex and intimate existence. Theoretically, family members live in harmony, even for the rest of their lives, and basically there will be no huge contradictions.
However, reality is the least "theoretical", it often does not have much logic. The theoretical "harmonious coexistence" has finally become the "open struggle and secret struggle" in reality.
The more family you are, the more you will hurt each other. This is what we often call the "principle of proximity". In comparison, we will be "near"; in the struggle, we will be "near"; in the distribution of benefits, we will be "near".
In real life, some people not only do not treat their families with a good temper, but even speak ill of them. However, when dealing with outsiders, they are respectful and particularly humble.
This may seem contradictory, but it is not contradictory. You know, people with such complex temperaments are often the following types of people.
02
The first type of people: people who are horizontal in the nest and instigated outside.
As the saying goes, rats carry guns and nests.
He put on a bad face in the family and vented the worst temper on his family, completely disregarding the family's thoughts. As a result, they became the culprits of "family harmony".
At this time, we will feel that these people's attitude towards their families is so bad, and their attitude towards outsiders is certainly not much better.
But the reality is that they treat outsiders to the extreme, good words are exhausted, and the posture is particularly sincere and honest, giving people a "little white rabbit" feeling.
The gap between before and after this gives birth to a personality - a personality that is horizontal in the nest and instigated on the outside.
The key to a person's desire to be unreasonable in the family is that he knows that the family will absolutely forgive them. It is this kind of connivance that makes them even more indifferent to the feelings of their loved ones.
In the face of people who are "nested and provoked outside", we must not be polite, nor can we blindly retreat, but we must fight back appropriately. This is how they can wake up.
03
The second type of people: those who bully the soft and fear the hard.
Human beings have a nature, for the weak things will choose to bully, for the strong things will choose to admire.
Why would a mother-in-law bully her own daughter-in-law, but not a daughter-in-law of someone else's family? Because the families in which they live are different, the personal details they have are different.
For her daughter-in-law, no matter how much her mother-in-law bullied, she would try her best to tolerate it and would not have a huge dispute with her mother-in-law.
For other people's daughters-in-law, mother-in-law will generally favor it, thinking that other people's daughter-in-law is the best. Therefore, the mother-in-law would rather be good to the daughter-in-law of other people's families than have a good temper with her own daughter-in-law.
In the final analysis, this is the typical behavior of "bullying the soft and fearing the hard".
Family, that's part of the "soft". Outsiders, that's part of the "hard". So, who doesn't want to bully the "soft" people?
It should still be said that the reason why the family is tolerant everywhere is because of the existence of love. If we fail to live up to this love, our conscience will eventually be painful.
04
The third category of people: extremely emotional people.
Emotionalization, in this complicated era, is actually particularly common. As long as people encounter something wrong, the "emotion" will come up.
The child was criticized by the teacher at school, and when he returned home, he lost his temper with his parents and sprinkled all the anger on his parents.
The husband was given the responsibility of leadership in the workplace, and when he returned home, he lost his temper with his wife and did not care what his wife thought.
The wife lived a miserable life in the life of her husband and godson, and as soon as she saw her husband, she desperately blamed him, saying that he did not make enough money and did not think about the problem from the perspective of the other party.
This is the "emotional" behavior that is particularly common nowadays. Once we do not suppress it, the emotion will cut off the family's affection, affect the harmony of the family, and do not educate future generations well.
In the end, we must distinguish who is a relative and who is an outsider, so as to digest negative emotions and never hurt the family members who love us.
05
The fourth category of people: people who do not distinguish between the light and the heavy.
What kind of attitude should we maintain towards outsiders and family members?
In the face of outsiders, our best attitude should be to remain indifferent, treat each other with thin feelings, don't care what others think, anyway, they are all passers-by, take care of themselves.
In the face of relatives, our best attitude should be to cherish the people in front of us, do our duty, and never do the thing of "the relatives are painful and the enemies are fast".
We all understand the reason, but why would anyone choose to "go in the opposite direction"? The best explanation is that in the "chess game" of life, everyone will be blinded by their own emotions and will not think rationally at all.
Such a person who does not distinguish between the important and the important believes that one or two will exist in each family.
The reason why some families are scarred is because there are too many people who do not distinguish between the weight and gravity, and they have less of a scale in their hearts, and then they are used by others to become white-eyed wolves who hurt their loved ones.
People, instead of being particularly attentive to outsiders, should be kind to their families. The latter is the lover who accompanies us all our lives. That's all.
Wen/Shushan has deer