01
In the traditional concept, there is such a logic - one point of hard work, one point of harvest. As long as you pay for yourself, you will definitely benefit one day.
Is this "pay and reap" logic correct?
It can be said that this is our expectation of the ideal world. However, the more "expected" things are, the more they cannot be realized. Because the ideal is beautiful, the reality is cruel. The gap is beyond our imagination.
For example, if you sow a seed in the spring, will you be able to harvest a lot of fruit in the autumn?
For example, if you work hard this year, or even do your best for the unit, then will you be able to get a promotion and salary increase?
For example, if you pay hard in your family, regardless of your own gains and losses, then will you be able to be treated with sincerity by your family?
Everything is not absolute. Sowing seeds in the spring may not be able to exchange for the results of the autumn harvest; hard work may not be able to promote and raise salaries, and perhaps you have been dismissed; and if you pay hard, you may not be able to get the sincere treatment of your family.
Sometimes it's not that the world is too cruel, it's that we ourselves are naïve.
Just like those who continue to give in the family, and constantly be disappointed, usually take these detours.
02
Expecting others to "give back" to the heart is a luxury.
There is a saying on the Internet: "Don't expect too much from others, that's just your wishful thinking." ”
There are no expectations from outsiders, that is still reasonable. And there is no expectation for the family, is it still reasonable? In fact, whether it is an outsider or a family, there is an insurmountable humanity, which is doomed to "expectations" will eventually fail.
There is such a case.
The eldest brother is particularly kind to his brother, and feels that his family is relatively poor, so he often sponsors his younger brother. However, the younger brother was accustomed to it and felt that the eldest brother should support him. Therefore, he has no gratitude.
After three years of funding, the eldest brother felt that something was wrong, why did the younger brother become more and more arrogant? Why doesn't he know how to appreciate the help his family has given him?
Later, he wanted to understand that your kindness to others would be taken for granted by others and meaningless.
Don't believe in what "gratitude" mentality, can do it yourself, does not mean that others can do it. You know, there are many more people in this world who have no conscience than there are people with conscience.
03
I always think that if I move myself, I can move others.
A writer once said that those who blindly give always feel that they have touched the heavens and the earth. As everyone knows, their feelings often have a strong self-tearing nature.
Take the contradictions between husband and wife, in which the husband thinks that he can move his wife by working hard so that he has no financial worries. But what he did not expect was that his wife always compared him with his girlfriend's husband, and he hated him for his annual salary of 200,000, which was 1 million yuan per year compared to other people's husbands.
Or maybe the wife always thinks that she has children for her husband, has paid for her youth, and has also paid a lot of energy, and if she is busy with her body for the family, she will definitely be able to move her husband. However, the husband is accustomed to his wife's efforts and has no gratitude at all.
Contradictions like these often occur in life. However, we have not found out where the source of the contradiction lies.
In fact, all misfortune begins with "self-paralysis". Blindly numbing yourself, thinking that if you move yourself, you can move others, which will not have good results after all.
04
Everything is a big package, and I will not take care of myself at all.
There is such a family, the parents are sick, and the eldest son takes on the responsibility of caring for the parents. At this time, the younger brother and sister are relaxed, do not take care of their parents at all, and all the responsibilities are borne by the eldest brother.
Later, the eldest son did more and more wrong, either by his parents picking bones in the egg, or by two younger brothers and sisters, directly becoming the unlucky egg of the "thousand husbands".
To this day, the eldest son has paid money and energy, but in exchange for the title of "unfilial son". The two younger siblings, on the other hand, were cherished by their parents and felt that they were particularly filial.
Is this really announced? It is regrettable to say that, despite the unfairness, there is nothing we can do about it. For the sins of heaven are forgivable. Do not live by your own sins.
Take the eldest son mentioned above, he has taken on the responsibilities of the family alone, and even the responsibilities of his younger brothers and sisters.
As a person, there is no need to take on the responsibilities of the family. Sometimes, do your part, and that's it.
05
Ignoring the principle of "far away and near smell", the relationship gets worse and worse.
Why are relatives tit-for-tat, and why can't they get along well? I think it is precisely because of the existence of the principle of "far fragrance and near smell" that the relationship between relatives has been affected.
You are extremely kind to your parents, preferring to nibble on the steamed buns yourself, but also let your parents eat mountain treasures and seafood. As a result, it is undoubtedly the more you give, the more disgusted you are by your parents.
Why? For people who are accustomed to eating mountain and seafood, as long as you lower the standard slightly one day and let them eat normal chicken, duck and fish meat, I believe they will feel that you are not filial enough and have bad intentions.
Of course, you have no place to reason. The key to the contradiction lies in the fact that we do not recognize the principle of "far fragrance and near smell", and always think that we are fragrant.
You know, no matter how delicious the food, if you eat too much, you will be disgusted. No matter how good people are, if they get along for a long time, they will be rejected.
At this time, keeping a certain distance from your loved ones is the right way to have an evergreen relationship.
Wen/Shushan has deer