Napoleon once said:
"A man who can control his emotions is greater than a general who takes a city."
Truth be told, it's not easy to really control your emotions, and you'll have very different attitudes when you face different people.
The most typical example is that when we face relatives and outsiders, we will have different performances, sometimes we will not take care of too much in the face of relatives, what we want to express, we will not take into account each other's feelings, but when facing outsiders, we often look forward and backward, and will not easily express our true face.
In fact, it is not unusual for many people to have such a performance, and the reason why there is such a difference is often "for a reason".
Today we will talk about the fact that there is a kind of person who is inconsistent in appearance, who is irritable to his relatives and angry with outsiders, for three reasons.
1 There is no need to bear the consequences for relatives, and outsiders are afraid of offending each other
There is a view in psychology: "When you feel that you don't have to bear more psychological costs, you don't care too much." ”
Too many people will feel that their relatives are close to them, and they don't have to worry about saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing to offend the other party, or making the other party unhappy.
In other words, they don't have to worry about doing something wrong and paying more in front of their loved ones, so they will unscrupulously show their inner unbearable side, or sad, or grumpy, or unscrupulous, and the most important thing is not to worry about the consequences.
However, in front of outsiders, the opposite is true.
After all, each other is not the closest person, perhaps two people are still wrapped in interests, if you are not careful, because the words offend each other, may directly affect the cooperation of two people, after all, the other party is not your closest person, will not be accustomed to your bad temper, two people get along more is respect and mutual benefit.
Therefore, they do not have a bad temper in front of outsiders, but deliberately restrain their bad temper, even if they are unhappy in their hearts, they will not easily show it on their faces, but put it in their hearts, and will not easily let the other party detect it.
The two very different attitudes toward relatives and outsiders, the most fundamental reason comes from the consideration of bearing consequences.
2 Relatives are disappointing and chilling, and outsiders respect you as guests
Sometimes, the relationship between relatives is not necessarily as warm as the spring breeze, but also as cold as frost, and even more chilling than the "harm" caused by outsiders.
In fact, the more relatives get along, the more they have a lot of accounting, as long as they are slightly unsatisfactory, they will bring great harm to each other.
This kind of harm is far better than the harm brought to us by strangers and outsiders, and we will inadvertently amplify these hurts in our hearts, and will not easily erase them, but will only let them accompany themselves for a long time.
So, for the same thing, the behavior of relatives often makes us unacceptable, and then there will be a fierce emotional reaction. But if an outsider does this, in the spirit of "respecting each other as guests", it may be possible to let yourself slowly forget.
Because, in our hearts, we will not pay so much attention to the attitude of outsiders, and as time slowly passes, it will only make us lament the evil of people's hearts, and we will not really hate a person from the bottom of our hearts.
This is the biggest difference, and it is also an important reason why we sometimes have very different attitudes towards our loved ones and outsiders.
3 In order to survive with a smile on the face of an outsider, the heart is restless when taking off the guard
There is a song that sings:
"Running around for life, always pretending to be crazy and stupid in front of people, left and right Fengyuan, Linglong eight sides ..."
To tell the truth, life is not easy, in order to live the life we want, we work hard outside, in order to maintain interpersonal relationships, often do not easily offend people, no matter when, are used to a smile on the face, do not dare to easily show the true feelings of the heart.
In fact, this is also because of survival, so that we always have a smile on our faces.
However, for relatives, it is a different picture.
Every time I am tired for a day, I return home exhausted, unload my usual defenses, and don't want to talk more, but when I see some dissatisfaction at home, I often show dissatisfaction and even lose my temper, in fact, this is caused by the anxiety in my heart on weekdays.
On the outside, everyone needs to be treated with care. At home, I am back to the harbor of security, and sometimes I will transform the depression outside into a bad temper that I vent.
Sometimes, it's not that we've changed, it's because of life that we keep two faces.
Now that we understand that we have different attitudes toward outsiders and family members, we must also be clear about an eternal truth: in this world, only relatives and we are the closest people, and we are also the people who accompany us the longest.
In this way, we must cherish the happy time with our families, even if it is the usual little years, and when we think about it again after many years, we will remember it vividly, they are so warm, because of their existence and warm our lives.
Therefore, do not easily give bad temper to relatives, even if you are uncomfortable, you can tell them your truest feelings, and do not get angry without thinking, it will only make the family affection weak in the tearing again and again, and the relationship is getting farther and farther away.
Be nice to the people around you, and you will find that you will lose less and less, and you will have more and more.
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