Once, when talking about family education at a class reunion, a classmate who is usually more introverted told us about the family "torture" she experienced since she was a child.
According to the classmate, her family spent most of her time complaining and arguing. Because the student's mother especially loves to complain, and the glass heart is very strong, so usually parents come home from work always love to complain about what happened today, most of the mother's rotten emotions are poured to the child, the child can only listen carefully.
Because of this, the child knows how fragile and sensitive her mother's personality is, so she does not dare to quarrel with her parents, let alone say anything to her mother. However, during puberty, the child is also depressed and emotional, and too many uncomfortable things and chaotic thoughts make the child suffer from depression and anxiety.
In the face of the child's pain, her parents felt incredible, "Our family is very complete, and very harmonious, never lack of food and clothing for you, and don't worry about things at home, how can you be depressed?" ”
Therefore, his parents have long poured out their emotions on themselves, which makes this classmate feel particularly troubled. So why do parents always like to bring negative emotions to their children?
First, some parents lack respect for others
Such parents usually regard their children as their own appendages, and they fundamentally fail to realize that the child is an independent person and an individual. In other words, in the concept of these parents, no matter what they do, the child should accept it.
Moreover, in the usual work and life, the communication between such parents and others is also too high an expectation, and once others cannot meet the expectations they want, parents will be resentful. They ignore that others should also have their own personalities and ideas, and overstepped their will on others.
Second, parents have a very strong sense of giving and sacrifice
"If it's not for you, why should I suffer all this suffering and all this tiredness?" It's because of you that I've sacrificed so much..." Many parents always like to talk about these topics to their children, and in their perception, everything they suffer is for their children, so once they also have a strong sense of giving and sacrifice.
When life is not satisfactory, this negative emotion will be transferred to the child, and such parents will subconsciously complain about the distress brought to them by the child. They think that they have suffered so much for the sake of their children, so the children just listen to me and help me solve the problem.
However, because the child is not mature, has no ability to stand on its own, in this condition of relying on the powerlessness of parents, long-term instilled by parents such thoughts, over time will also make children feel guilty, because all the parents are not satisfied and troubled are for themselves, in the long run, the children for the parents to talk and ask for full acceptance, over time, but aggravated some of the parents' behaviors and concepts.
Third, do not realize the harm they have caused to the child's heart
People who like to pour out negative emotions have difficulty controlling their emotions themselves, and most of their lives are mainly complaining, lacking their own inner driving force.
Therefore, in ordinary life, it is difficult for such parents themselves to think in empathy, think about what faults they have from the perspective of others, and even when their own behavior of hurting others occurs, the first reaction of parents is not to reflect, but to deny it, so it is difficult for such parents to realize the damage they have caused to their children's hearts.
If you are also easy to be emotional in educating your children, you may also try to use the above three methods to regulate your emotions and state, pass on more positive energy to your children, and accompany your children to grow better together.
Disclaimer: The pictures in the article are from ins, the blogger is @darling.children, if you also have your own unique insights in the process of educating and parenting, or encounter problems that confuse you, welcome to discuss yo ~ together