Whether in life or in the workplace, whether it is family affection or friendship, we have more or less encountered people with a weak sense of "boundary": they feel that they are very familiar with you, so they take your things without inquiry; they are very "concerned" about you and use the name of concern to point fingers at your life; they do not manage their negative emotions well, and always pour themselves on you...
In modern life, without a certain sense of boundaries, even love can turn into something negative. How to maintain the "sense of breathing" of the relationship between people is a very important issue.
Some unconscioned behaviors that make people uncomfortable
01
Before writing a manuscript at the airport, the person sitting next to me had been watching, and I kept writing that she had been reading, and then asked East and West, "What is it written?" "Is it a writer?" "Can you make money?" And so on, and then I didn't write...
@Huang won't
02
I am the editor of the magazine, and this status seems to make some of my relatives and friends think that writing, revising, and publishing is a trivial matter for me, so I often have the following behaviors: the son of an uncle wants to participate in the city essay contest and asks me to "help"; the daughter of an aunt writes an essay and asks me if I can post it in the magazine; even my father will send me his colleague's competition manuscript and ask me to "polish it"... Once or twice ok, more really can't stand wow.
@ Don't hesitate to wind and rain across the stream
03
After my friend fell out of love, he kept crying and complaining to me for more than a month, and sometimes he would receive calls from her in the early hours of the morning.
In fact, I know that she will share with me as a person who is very trusting and close, but over time, I feel a little tired and stressed about the fact that I have to accept her negative emotions all the time and react appropriately to it. Sometimes I'm not in a good mood myself, or I have other things to deal with at the time, but because I consider her fragile mood, I will choose to suppress my emotions and listen to her. But I think these suppressed emotions may explode one day in the future and become the fuse for the breakdown of our relationship.
In short, I hope to have a proper degree.
@Marshmallow
04
When I came home last year, my relatives had dinner, and when I was chatting, I casually said that the pressure of working and living in Beijing was indeed quite large. An elder who is not too familiar with me has listened to my WeChat, and since then she has been telling me that she thinks I should go home to work, forwarding various recruitment information from my hometown, telling me about the various benefits and conveniences of living in my hometown, and giving me various examples of who is who and who is how.
She seems to have developed a corrective "sense of responsibility" for my life, can't stand my "suffering" outside, and must let me live the life she feels is right.
Later, I was really overwhelmed, and directly told her that I felt that I was fine, and asked her not to worry about it. It turned out to be a little unpleasant, alas.
@Zihui
05
When I was in college, my roommate and I were very good friends, and we both liked to make up and buy a bunch of makeup.
Once I packed up my things and pulled out a lot of unused gadgets that I had used once or twice and left idle. As I cleaned up, I asked her from time to time: Do you want this? Do you want this?
As a result, by the Nth time, she suddenly said to me a little angrily: Don't ask me, I'm not collecting rags.
I was stunned, and then I suddenly realized my problem: although my intentions were good, I felt that the other party might be able to come in handy. But this kindness is too abrupt, too sloppy, too borderless. Because in the eyes of the unknowing other party, those things may be "thrown away and regretted before turning around and giving away".
If it were me, I would have felt offended. At the very least, I should explain the situation in advance and ask the other party's opinion.
That was actually a very small thing, and it didn't affect our feelings at all, but that incident taught me a lesson, that is, no matter how close friends and iron relationships are, we must maintain a gentle distance.
This distance is polite, respectful, and the most decent component of a relationship.
@Surname Joe
Some of the behaviors that make people feel good are measured
01
My roommates are very measured, because I have not returned to school yet because of the epidemic, they are in the dormitory. Once they wanted to use sesame oil that I hadn't unwrapped, and they came to me specifically and asked me to sell it to us. I didn't ask for money in the end, but I thought it was really good to ask.
@Sleepwalking the Galaxy Guide
02
When buying things, they will not always follow me to recommend to me; when cutting their hair, they will not always chat with me and ask me where I do my hometown; before playing videos, I will send a message to ask if it is inconvenient for me to do it; in public, listening to music or watching videos will wear headphones; I will not mention requests that are beyond the scope of the relationship but one party is not good enough to refuse...
These are all behaviors that I feel measured. Perhaps, the so-called sense of proportion can also be said to be a kind of upbringing that knows how to take care of others.
@Lin Xueyuan
03
Many times, the sense of boundaries is particularly easy to overlook between family and lovers, such as parents may say "what's wrong with me not knocking on the door", and the other half may say "what's wrong with couples looking at mobile phones between couples". But in fact, no matter how close the relationship is, it also needs space.
Once, I was in a particularly bad mood, he asked me what was wrong, I said I was annoyed and didn't want to say it, he really didn't ask, he wasn't angry. After some time, he suddenly asked me: You were in a bad mood before, is there something wrong with it, and are you willing to say it now? That is, when you don't want to say it, you have complete respect and give space, but you don't really care and keep your business in mind.
@White Night Song
04
I think that helping others also requires the consent of the other party, and it is best to do it according to the needs of the other party. "Not to see others suffering" is a kind of kindness, but don't blindly add your "helper complex" to others, what if others don't want you to know his suffering? What if others want to protect their self-esteem and secrets? What if others don't want to be "taught to do things"?
In this case, direct puncture and over-enthusiasm may be cruel to the other party. After they take the initiative to bring it up themselves, it may be better to find a way to help.
I think there's a good saying about how to maintain a sense of proportion for friends I don't know very well: I don't ask about other people's stories unless he wants to.
@Bigmouth fish don't run
Text/CCTV News "Night Reading" was written and edited
Photo/Visual China
Modern people pay more and more attention to personal space and social distancing, which to some extent highlights the importance of a sense of boundaries. A person with a sense of proportion and boundary will know how to think in a different position, but also know how to reject appropriately, both to respect others and to protect themselves. "Don't explore private secrets, don't expose the shortcomings of the public, and don't make it difficult for others; understand the method, see the timing, leave room for it, and avoid it skillfully."
But the sense of proportion and boundary is not to build a high wall between people and hearts, to become cold and selfish, and to lose the true nature of friendship; it is not to close the door of your heart and give up caring for others and the world, but to hope that you can consider each other's feelings more, so that the relationship between you can have more air and breathe more freely.
May we all be able to protect the joys and sorrows of our little world, but also to accept the true feelings of loving and being loved, needing and being needed.
At last
No matter what kind of day you have had today
I hope you can learn to shake hands with your troubles
Because, if you're young
Then this is the youth that is only once
May 3, 21 points
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