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I believe many people know that sadness is an indispensable part of the human experience. So why do we often push it away?
Sadness may not be one of your favorite feelings, but it's still a valuable emotion. Sadness is okay, and while it can be uncomfortable, it can bring you a lot of benefits.
Often, you'll flag sadness as a "negative" emotion and avoid it as a result. Sometimes, when someone brings up a topic that is sensitive to you, avoid sadness or even look like you're lashing out.
Avoiding sadness can also bring toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is when you eliminate difficult emotions and only acknowledge more favorable emotions, such as happiness. This may seem helpful, but toxic positivity can make you lose authenticity and cause emotional loss.
While escaping grief can get you into trouble, acknowledging and dealing with it can make it easier for you to move forward meaningfully in your life. So, how do you understand that "it's a good thing to be sad?" ”
Below, let's listen to the insights and opinions of Professor Rong Xinqi, a psychologist.
Six reasons to accept grief
Letting yourself feel sad doesn't mean indulging in self-pity. Choosing grief can have many benefits, for example, it means accepting the reality of your current emotions and taking the first step towards dealing with them.
1. It connects you with others
According to a 2018 study, one function of grief is to encourage others to treat you with empathy. This means that embracing grief can connect you to compassion and caring when you need it most.
A 2015 study found that expressing grief can also bring people together by creating shared values and a sense of belonging to a group. Many cultures even have specific practices and rituals to express grief as a group.
Participating in a collective expression of grief, such as attending a memorial service or vigil, is one way that grief can help you reduce your loneliness.
2. It helps you deal with complexity
Sometimes, grief makes you seek "shelter" and "safe" space from others – which can actually be another benefit.
A 2018 study showed that when grief prompts you to disconnect, you are experiencing a protective mechanism designed to keep you safe during vulnerable times. When you feel sad, being a little alone may help your body and mind reduce unnecessary stimulation. This can give you space to deal with intense or complex feelings.
3. It's part of growth
Grief is an aspect of growth, a natural process of coping with and managing loss. Experts believe that sadness may be a stage in the growth cycle that promotes reflection, which means that it may actively help you understand the strong feelings that may be brought about by growing up.
Expressing grief by crying can show those around you that you are experiencing grief and can use support and understanding.
4. It allows you to adapt
Grief can help you respond to "thoughts and feelings that help you process."
On reflection, when you think about the same idea over and over again, it's often seen as a futile behavior. But according to a 2018 study, when it's accompanied by sadness, it may actually help you accept disappointment or loss and develop a new strategy to overcome it.
Grief is also associated with post-traumatic growth, which can occur after difficult life circumstances. Post-traumatic growth can lead to deeper spirituality, or motivation for positive change.
5. It can teach you about yourself
Because grief is often a response to a sense of failure or loss, it also reminds you of "what you care deeply about" and the qualities that make you human. These include yours: values, goals and beliefs, the ability to love, and interdependence with others.
A 2016 study showed that grief not only allows you to dig deeper into the puzzle at hand, but it can also expand your self-knowledge.
6. It can bring more satisfaction
In some cases, sadness may indicate that something in your life isn't working out, like a relationship or work. For example, lingering sadness and depression can be a sign of burnout.
Burnout, indicating that your energy is running out, is time for change. Adapting to this feeling may be the first step in making changes that benefit you.
How to feel sad without being overwhelmed?
It seems too easy to be overwhelmed by sadness, and you may worry about letting sadness in, meaning it will always be there.
Self-care that minimizes distractions and maximizes mindfulness can help you stay connected to grief without getting lost in it.
1. Write it down
Writing down your thoughts, emotions, and feelings can help you feel sadness in a controlled way. For example, a small study in 2016 found that keeping a journal helps nurses deal with negative work-related emotions.
If you can't relate to hidden sad emotions, setting aside some quiet time to keep a journal may help. When you're writing, you might imagine your grief coming up and going through your brain and entering the page with the pen in your hand.
2. Self-compassion
The right perspective and some self-compassion can help you manage uncomfortable aspects of grief and "coexist" with them.
You can think of your emotions as weather, like a storm, and the sadness will eventually pass. If sadness causes the fear that you will never feel happy again, remember, "emotions are temporary," there will be a solution.
A 2020 study also suggested that self-compassion may help when managing depression and sad emotions. Self-compassion, which involves being kind and non-judgmental about yourself.
3. Meditation
Meditation can help you constructively regulate or manage negative emotions such as sadness. A small study in 2019 found that meditation practices focused on positive emotions were particularly effective at helping people regulate their emotions.
In addition to helping you manage your grief, meditation can also reduce its intensity, making you feel less difficult in the process of getting through it.
4. Speak up
Expressing your grief to an empathetic friend or family can be a great way to deal with it, and it can make you feel less alone.
If you've experienced failure or setbacks with another person, it may be more natural to share your grief with them. Taking time out and talking frankly about disappointment or sadness may promote your intimacy with that person.
Talking to a counselor about feelings of sadness is another option. A counselor can help you face feelings of sadness and teach you how to resolve your grief and learn to grow.
Accepting sadness instead of running away from it can be an opportunity for you to investigate your emotions further. Using these methods can help you narrow down your broad feelings of sadness to more specific situations, whether it's discouragement, injury, or frustration.
Accepting grief can also help you deal with difficulties in your life and connect with others when they are difficult. You may find that making yourself feel sad in the short term will actually make you happier overall.
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Text: Consultant Hong