Adversity, how to improve mental strength?

I don't know if it's my delusion: in recent times, I always feel that my friends, colleagues, and entrepreneurs around me are a little depressed, more or less energetic, and even full of energy entanglement.

As a blogger who studies cognitive subjects with my own penchant, I do scratch my hands and seek solutions; after a circle of inquiries, most of the results are "spit and complain", and in the end, even I have doubts about whether there is any result in the "struggle".

The Internet's very popular "youth years, the epidemic accounts for three years" has spoken out the hearts of many people; some people even said that the shelf life of milk extrusion is 7 days, while my green code is only valid for 48 hours.

The epidemic has made many people deeply feel the resistance to the development of work, it has become difficult to earn money, and all aspects of the quality of life have been affected.

Of course, I am not an expert or qualified to judge the management of the epidemic, I believe that there will always be a day when flowers bloom on the other side, but I still hope that you can "help not add chaos and protect yourself.".

Otherwise, I often say that learning a little psychology in your free time, at least knowing how your instincts react when you are powerless, and learning to reconcile with yourself; why?

People's cognition of ideals and reality does not truthfully feedback to the current self, it is distorted by factors such as belief, original education, and thinking framework, and the "inner activity" when refracted to self-knowledge will lead to a different appearance.

For example: unfounded worries, wild thoughts, etc.

Then, the world has its own trajectory, and individuals have their own difficulties and paths to go; in the face of an uncertain future, it is particularly important to learn to empower themselves and cultivate long-term stable mental competence.

Three indispensable forces

What is Mental Strength? You can understand it as "the ability to deal effectively with needs and challenges"; it is the specific manifestation of an individual maintaining a good mental state, a value of the degree of adaptation and positivity in the interrelationship between people to themselves, people to people, people to things, and people to things.

From the perspective of examining the self, there are four aspects: 1) emotional management, 2) interpersonal communication, 3) self-awareness, and 4) social adaptability.

But from an external perspective, it is a little different, it may represent resilience; for example:

People who have run marathons have experienced that in the early stage, they rely on mental strength in the middle of physical strength, and rely on mental strength in the later stage. I think it's best described this way; like a curve, some people have a wide range of fluctuations that can't withstand any test, and some people are strong and inclusive of all things.

When it comes to it, the easiest thing that comes to mind in daily work and life is Resiliency, the ability to accept and challenge the crushing of reality.

This is the first realm of mental strength, relatively speaking, people with weak resilience can't bear it with a little pain, like:

Wu Shichun, a partner at Plumventurescn, said that the dilemma is sometimes like the illusion of martial arts novels, assuming that the founder's self-willpower is not firm enough, it will sink along the black vortex, falling into it and unable to find the strength to grow upwards, and can never save itself.

Or ordinary people in the workplace interpersonal relationship loss, encounter difficulties can not be solved will be overwhelmed, a little dissatisfaction will show grievances and complaints; therefore, different people face the problem in the self-evaluation system of the degree of difficulty and resilience are different.

From another point of view, its essence is an instinctive reaction, a certain way for people to face and understand the world; strong people can fully see the meaning of life, have no distractions, and thus find a breakthrough point, and the difficulties will collapse in one blow.

The second realm of mental strength belongs to resilience, which translates to the meaning of elasticity and elasticity; the meaning of different regions and scholars is basically similar; please imagine this action: the finger presses the spring hard, slowly presses down to the maximum and then slowly releases, what do you feel in the process?

From the perspective of physics, the finger gives the spring "pressure", and the spring itself uses the elastic force to resist the finger, which is a manifestation of "resistance".

According to this, I liken it to "the performance of a substance that can return to its original shape after being bent"; in psychology, it usually refers to a person's ability to successfully cope with setbacks after suffering adversity and quickly restore physical and mental health and behavior.

It is worth noting that it is trained from childhood to adulthood, not a single psychological quality, and is a part of the personality that is difficult to change; like human immunity, it is a solid condition formed when it is constantly lost and hit.

For example, many family children have constant setbacks from an early age, and they can also carry them when something big happens; but some families have regarded their children as "treasures" from an early age, hoping to live very smoothly, and resisting various pressures for them, which causes it to be very easy to "collapse" when encountering big problems.

In terms of social environment, it is the effort and endurance to face long-term goals.

Angela Lee Duckworth, a psychology professor at the University of Pennsylvania, found that success is not really due to superior INTELLIGENCE, superior family or hard work, but because of perseverance; it sounds like some chicken soup, right?

In fact, familiar with the view of "The Origin of Man: Darwin's Theory of Evolution", the survival of nature is neither the strongest limbs nor the most intelligent mind, but the species capable of using change; think about whether this is the case.

Generally, it is affected by three parts: 1) external support factor (I have), 2) intrinsic advantage factor (I am), and 3) performance factor (I can).

It can be said that the environmental factors formed behind life or entrepreneurship, and what kind of impact the market has on the process, are the external support factors that constitute resistance to stress.

Inner knowledge, personal image, problem-solving skills, and empathy and humor are also inseparable parts of the self-intrinsic and effectiveness.

The third state of mental strength is "Posttraumatic Growth," a concept commonly known as positive psychological changes and improvements in mental functioning experienced as a result of adversity and other challenges; it was proposed in 1995 by Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun.

In general, when an individual experiences a traumatic (physical and psychological) event, there are progressive changes in emotions, life beliefs, and goals.

First of all, we face great emotional challenges, how to control and deal with our own negative emotions brought about by events, such as: entrepreneurship to find a second curve, failure and even life and death.

Immediately after the changes in life's beliefs and goal challenges, the individual doubts his or her perception of the world, and in the process enters a rumination phase. Think about how it came about and why it happened; some people will be calm and calm, and some people will try to seek outside support through communication and prayer.

Deliberate contemplation gradually changes cognitive schemas (some basic frameworks for understanding the world), establishes new values and goal orientations, and derives wisdom from post-traumatic life, a process of continuity, dealing with the outside with a more open mind in the process of accepting contradictions and reorganizations again and again.

It can be seen from this that although the three-force model has similarities in expression, there are huge differences in actual cognition.

Regarding resilience and resilience, I think it is within the range that adults can generally bear, and post-traumatic growth seems to be more like the ability of society to undergo great changes.

The negative cycle of stress

In psychology, an individual's response to a risk crisis is often referred to as a "stress response"; it can lead a person into two different reaction states, which are manifested in: 1) psychological and 2) physiological.

Psychological intuitive reflection has two states, positive and negative, including basic emotional arousal, attention concentration, motivation adjustment and urgency, etc., these reactions are conducive to people's correct cognition of information, and even the ability to cope.

Negative psychology is different, including excessive thinking, emotional excitement, cognitive decline, self-concept is not clear, etc.; various factors can prevent us from effectively evaluating the actual environment and choosing coping strategies.

Physiologically, when we are strongly invaded by certain stressors (frustration, difficulties), the human sympathetico-adrenomedullary system is activated.

At this time, the body releases a large amount of epinephrine and norepinephrine, followed by an increase in heart rate, which affects a series of neurological and endocrine functions.

From a conventional point of view, the stress response mechanism is originally a way to deal with setbacks, but because humans have a mind, they often think too much, but it is easy to inhibit the "stress response" to play a good role, resulting in anxiety and irritability and other emotions.

So the words inner volume, emo, lying flat began to appear, to some extent, indicating that the stress mechanism is out of control, in the past, professional psychological counseling will use cognitive behavioral therapy treatment, but the problem does not decrease but increases.

For example, in 1987, Daniel Wegner, a psychology professor at the University of Virginia, once did a psychological experiment in which he asked participants to look at a white bear and then asked the participants not to think about the white bear. But as a result, the average participant in the experiment rebounded, and a white bear appeared in the brain; the professor also proved that the symptoms of escaping the distress and filtering the worries of the mind would appear in a more negative way, which was later called the "white bear effect".

In the same way in life, some people often worry about the sky, with "catastrophic thinking" and "realistic anxiety", thinking about the outcome of things in a bad direction.

They are accustomed to turning their gaze to the future, confusing facts and imaginations, and constantly making unilateral inferences with the worst psychological guesses, thus seeking certainty in the uncertainty of the future, and finally producing fearful and unverified conclusions, generating great fears and worries.

In general, this kind of thinking is often accompanied by "if/if..... What to do?" Like: What if I can't find a partner at the age of thirty and my appearance is not good? I don't like my current job, I want to pursue the life I want and I am worried that I will not be able to meet my self-requirements after resigning, what should I do?

This behavior is too stress-sensitive and can fall into an endless cycle.

You know, since ancient times, it is human nature to seek security, and the most basic "anxiety" in human evolution in 14 million years is precisely the defense mechanism and survival instinct generated by the purpose of protection.

From a biological point of view, when the external environment changes, the amygdala at the bottom of the brain begins to work, converting the received information into a language that the brain can understand, telling people to enter a state of alert.

Assuming that safety cannot be confirmed, the information will choose another path to make people uneasy; and then when the analysis still does not get a satisfactory answer, the amygdala will issue a warning, activating the brainstem, hypothalamus, and autonomic nervous system.

It can be said that the brain, out of protection, will be accustomed to amplifying everything that is not determined to confirm the degree of danger.

If something cannot be confirmed all the time, the stress system will be too tense, followed by the emergence of realistic anxiety, and severe cases have a tendency to depression, which is also a problem for many people.

According to the World Health Organization's (WHO) 2017 Global Data Survey, on average, one in every 10 people has experienced depression, and it may be your friend, classmate, or even family member.

Everyone feels lonely in life, breathless from the stress of tedious work; those feelings of depression, depression and even depression are a manifestation of the long-term accumulation of "stress responses".

The irritability of one type of person will be solved through a hot pot and a trip; but there is also a group of people whose negative emotions are not relieved day after day, and the more they accumulate in the heart, the worse they will form, and the more serious ones eventually become depression.

According to the diathesis-stress model test for depression, there is indeed one group of people who are more susceptible to emotional intrusion than others, and we say that this group of people has depression vulnerability, and their source is actually powerlessness.

Powerlessness opposite is control

Although he is still young, he knows that his life has not yet begun, but he always feels that there is no hope for his future career. This is the most I hear from young people.

When it comes to the sense of powerlessness, I have to say that its opposite "sense of hope" is how to understand? Simply put, it is a belief that the future is better than the present, and at the same time believing that you have the strength to achieve what you want.

In life, those who feel heavy hope not only have goals and aspirations, but also have a set of strategies to achieve goals, and have a strong motivation to achieve this strategy.

It is clearly different from optimism. Optimism is the value that things will always get better no matter what, emphasizing the empty feeling of "everything will be fine". Optimistic people don't necessarily get a better future through their actions like people with a sense of hope, it's just blind expectation.

Two mental studies of "hopeful" and "blind optimism" by Anthony Scioli, a professor of psychology at Keene State College, found that blind optimism does not bring benefits to physical and mental health, but rather the mood of a pessimist with a hope.

In my opinion, as long as you have these three feelings in your life, you will have hope for various aspects: 1) attachment, 2) mastery, and 3) survival.

In the early years, a large number of studies on human dependence were made by Bowlby John Bowlby (1907-1990) and colleagues, and its emergence was not to satisfy various internal drives, but to human sociality; according to the theory, it can be divided into two kinds: spiritual and material.

For example: once you like a certain food every day, you will eat it several times; a song with a beautiful melody can be looped dozens of times, which is a manifestation of dependence; it has both positive and negative sides, heavy dependence will lose self-security, and mild dependence will enhance security.

Control can also be called empowerment, that is, the feeling that the self is strong and powerful, and that one's abilities can be proved and recognized in front of others.

Survival and negative events are related, consisting of two elements: on the one hand, you will not let yourself be trapped in a bad situation for a long time because of a difficulty, you can find a way out; on the other hand, even if you experience some negative events, you can adjust yourself in time and insist on positive thoughts and feelings.

I think that having these three feelings is not only more hopeful, but also more restorative, that is, it can quickly repair energy after a huge blow; but the reality is not so, we often lose hope or even be replaced by despair, why?

The most intuitive manifestation is the feeling of powerlessness.

Under normal circumstances, our understanding and attempts at action are limited, we used to do less and think less, and now we think more and do less, which can easily cause it to be done all the time but can not see hope, and the increasingly injured and gradually desperate.

In fact, it is nothing more than the lack of control elements, thinking that power (energy) is deprived, that you cannot be the master of life and work, that you do not have the ability to move towards the goal you want, or that you cannot see where the end of your life is.

It is worth noting that the sense of incarceration and helplessness of the two small branches of powerlessness also needs equal attention.

I see a lot of people in the workplace who have worked for 6 to 7 years feel this way, they think that they are like prisoners, they shuttle between home and company every day, and they are mentally abused to the company (overtime, PUA, staying up late for meetings).

In the long run, this state will be very uneasy, and when it recognizes the limitations of work ability, it will self-doubt whether it has the ability to survive independently, directly causing a "lack of meaning".

Therefore, it is not difficult to find that the mental strength at each stage of life is insufficient, but the sense of hope is not so strong, coupled with the influence of various external factors, so that the struggle can not see the results of the self. So how do you deal with hopelessness and regain a sense of hope?

Be brave enough to accept the present

When you look at the obstacle, it is the beginning of the loss of hope, quickly think about whether you have the state?

It can be said that once you start to feel lost, emo, and lack of self-motivation, it is possible to generalize emotions and even hope for nothing.

In Aaron Baker's CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), it's hard to avoid feeling hopeless, but you can control how your ego responds to that feeling.

Assuming that the ego is always considered limited, oppressed, and overwhelmed is likely to have made a cognitive error of "overgeneralization".

It is an automated process of thinking, specifically deriving an extreme belief from an accident and applying it inappropriately to different times or situations, such as:

"It's too late to do it at 30, and the culture of mourning is ruining young people"; in recent years, if you take care, you will find that the use of these labels can lead to more or less bias and even misattribution. Like the "regional discrimination label, personality MBTI label", such generalizations not only can not help us form an objective cognition, but also leave a black and white stereotype, we need to always be vigilant against the emergence of this idea.

I often say pay attention to your thoughts, and change starts with your ideas.

The first thing to do is cognitive restructuring, which usually involves identifying and labeling distorted thoughts, which you can simply understand as "thinking from a different perspective."

In one study, Andreas Larson asked his colleagues to write down a set of negative thoughts that appeared during the day, which were then countered with cognitive reorganization, such as:

Parents will summarize the reasons for your failure to do things with "you are not working hard enough, is it worthy of us to take the test, and how to do anything can not be done." At first you will rebel, and over time your subconscious mind will begin to deny itself, and there will be a thinking that seems to be true that I can't do anything.

How to solve it? In an unbounded language, in most cases spontaneous thinking we are completely unaware of its existence, and now that you know the concept, "be aware of these ideas and examine their habits."

First find the automatic elements that trigger the formation of an idea, like when driving a car, the driver in front of you suddenly brakes sharply, and some people lose their temper and swear and grin internally even though they will not argue with others; then the way to reorganize is to find an alternative idea to the original idea.

For example: "Oh my God, the situation is not good, he almost hit me", replaced by "Good luck I am not in danger, maybe there is a wife sitting in the car, rushing to the hospital".

Second, no matter what alternative ideas are generated, what you need to do is to have more versions of yourself, which will have more psychological flexibility and at the same time help yourself get rid of a series of stress reactions brought about by negative thinking.

Deliberately practicing this methodology can significantly improve resilience, and total self-acceptance is also part of the mental effort.

Yue Yunpeng has a cross-talk that I still remember vividly, saying, "Although I don't earn much and live badly, I'm very happy, why?" For I can't do it"; I smiled forward and backward when I first heard it, and now I understand that there is great wisdom hidden in these words.

There are two kinds of dilemmas in the world, one is to change oneself, one is one that has no way and needs to be faced; in the face of a situation that can be controlled, I have always tried my best without regrets, such as: not wasting every day's time.

But in the face of things that I can't control, I really don't have to occupy too many brain cells to tangle; because worrying can't change in a good direction, it's better to save cognitive resources (Cognitive resources theory) and wait for a turnaround.

It is worth mentioning that reconciliation with the self is not chicken soup, it requires three aspects: 1) full acceptance of the self, 2) control of inner strength, and 3) cultivation of willpower.

If you can't accept the status quo (strengths and weaknesses) and the range of abilities, you will often get entangled, and a little wind and grass in the outside world can cause great emotions.

Second, when caught in pessimism and despair, try to put the feeling aside and rationally analyze which elements can be controlled.

It's easy to give up when you're weak, but your willpower can be strengthened through training; try to do small things, like running, from the first few hundred meters to a few kilometers, this slow, maybe faster.

To sum up

The average person's lifelong work account has about 150,000 hours, and all the competitions are ultimately mental efforts, and what supports TA's perseverance may be the "hope" itself.

Or "hope" is the greatest happiness the world can offer everyone – Dr. Johnson Samuel Johnson (one of the most famous writers in British history).