I remember having a very "strange" roommate in college, and when we first met her, I thought she was very cold, giving people a feeling of not getting along well.
At that time, we liked to hug the group for warmth, take the courier, go to the canteen to eat, we all liked groups of three or five, and it was good to have someone to accompany her, but she was not like this.
Whenever I saw her, she was alone, like a chivalrous guest.
We have our own small group, and naturally we don't take care of an unsociable person.
It wasn't until the final exams of her freshman year that she received a special scholarship with honors;
It wasn't until the senior year was busy with graduate school, and she obtained the qualification of Baoyan with excellent results, that we didn't know that this outlier who was incompatible with us was so powerful.
I can't help but think that those who are sociable, as if they are useless, but this lonely person who is alone and looks lonely, always gives people unexpected surprises.
It seems that the more powerful people are, the more they are used to being alone. Why do women who are more powerful prefer to be alone? The reason is simple.
When you learn to be sober and independent, you can know what you want
Gregariousness, that is, individuals are integrated into a group, and the group cannot avoid gathering.
At this point, we will find that the bigger the scene of people gathering, the easier it is for them to become boring.
Because when a group of people are together, there are tongues, there is noise, there are all kinds of preferences, in this environment, we do not know what we like, what we hate, what we want.
When we are alone, the environment is different.
There was no noise, no awkward talking of chickens and ducks to deal with, no quivering, just ourselves.
At this time, we can fully become ourselves, and for us, if anyone does not like to be alone, it means that this person does not love freedom.
As Tolstoy said, "In communication man is confronted with parts and crowds, while when alone he is confronted with the whole and the source of all things." ”
When we are alone, the surrounding environment is quiet, and because it is quiet, we are more able to concentrate on listening to the inner voice of ourselves.
We don't need to care about other people's feelings, because it's just us at this moment.
We hold our breath, we follow our hearts, we know exactly what we want and work on it.
The essence of this world has always been each of our own worlds
Some people habitually live in the evaluation of others, they pay special attention to the eyes of others, and the slightest involvement in negativity will make them fidget.
Therefore, being alone with them is something that will be evaluated by others, and in order to maintain a good image in the hearts of others, they are willing to force themselves to integrate into the so-called group.
But how can other people's evaluations really affect our lives?
The days are our own business, we come into this world, we finally leave this world, it has always been our experience, no one else has ever participated.
Therefore, why should we disrupt the rhythm of our own lives because of the evaluation and vision of others?
"A sign of a person's maturity is to understand that 99% of what happens to oneself every day is meaningless to others," Bauerley said. ”
Follow your own inner world, feel that the group can not give you the happiness you want, then choose to be alone;
Feel that the moment is too depressing, then accept yourself and reconcile with yourself.
The world looks muddy and mixed, but it is essentially our own world.
Therefore, making yourself happy is the most important thing.
Whenever you give yourself what you want, you are the only one
There are always people who confuse the concepts of loneliness and solitude.
In fact, solitude is a state, but loneliness and loneliness are different.
Loneliness and loneliness are a negative emotion, which will make individuals, even in groups, not feel happy, or feel that the world has no place for themselves.
And those who are good at being alone, they enjoy the tranquility and leisure of doing things alone, and the things that others scorn, they enjoy it.
Therefore, such people are not easy to feel lonely, they will arrange a lot of things to do, and their emotions and innermost perceptions will not be easily affected by others.
There is a passage in "The Ragtag Crowd": "As soon as a person enters the group, the IQ is seriously reduced, and in order to gain recognition, the individual is willing to abandon right and wrong, and use the IQ to exchange for the sense of belonging that makes people feel safe." ”
Many people feel that relying on the group will give themselves a sense of security, but the mountain is down, relying on everyone to run, and others have no obligation to always think about our affairs.
Moreover, accustomed to dependence, if we really need to deal with problems one day, then we can only be helpless.
Therefore, those women who are good at being alone, they know that people can only rely on themselves in this life, so they will never deliberately fit in.