1. The professor sits opposite the peasant on the train. When bored, the professor said: I have a problem, if you don't know, give me 5 yuan; If you come up with a question, if I don't know, give you 500 yuan, such as

1. The professor sits opposite the peasant on the train. When bored, the professor said: I have a problem, if you don't know, give me 5 yuan; If you come up with a question, if I don't know, I will give you 500 yuan, how? Farmers agree. PROFESSOR: How far is the Moon from Earth? The farmer did not say a word and handed the professor 5 yuan. The farmer asked: Three legs up the mountain, four legs down the mountain, what kind of animal? The professor was puzzled and had no choice but to give the farmer 500 yuan. The farmer took the money and prepared to sleep. The professor asked: What is the animal with three legs up the mountain and four legs down the mountain? The farmer didn't say a word, handed the professor 5 yuan, and went to sleep! Low education and high IQ, too terrible!

2. Passing by the park in the morning, I saw an old man in a wheelchair with a painful expression on his face, shaking with his mobile phone, and I rushed over to take off my coat and put it on him: ''Grandpa, what's wrong with you?'" Freeze it. Grandpa frowned and looked at me and said, "Boy, why do you shake a man every time you shake it...''Uncle, you kill me...'"

3. Once I had a fight with my boyfriend and cried on the phone, my girlfriend came to comfort me, and suddenly, he stared into my eyes. A sentence came out: "What brand of mascara you use, crying like this B, has not fallen." I was so angry that I didn't cry when I threw the phone away.

4 I opened a company, and my husband let my sister-in-law, who had just graduated from college, come to my company for exercise, so I arranged for my sister-in-law to go to the project department.

Today, my sister-in-law came to me: Brother-in-law, you should change me to another department!

I asked angrily: Is twenty thousand a month too low?

The sister-in-law said: No, the project department is not a new engineer, the key person's surname is Xiang, every time I meet I call him a xiang worker, too embarrassed!

5 There is a grandfather in the rural mountain village who told the old woman on his deathbed: I will have to make great achievements after SI! Don't dress me! Just bury it in the river! The old woman looked at the grandfather at the end of his life and reluctantly agreed, but she always felt that it was inappropriate so she put a pair of pants on the grandfather. The year after Grandpa's death, the village suddenly flooded, and the whole village was flooded! Just when he was desperate, a dragon row of fish wearing flower pants suddenly appeared in the water and saved the villagers. Only then did the old woman understand that she was like Xu Xian.

6 After a quarrel, husband and wife live in each room, and no one pays attention to anyone. A week later, the wife couldn't resist and wrote on a note: "Honey, I'm going to sleep with you tonight." Then ask the dog to give the note to her husband. After a while, the dog grabbed the note. The wife opened it and saw that it said, "I refuse to sleep with the dog!" ”

7 When I was a child, my family was poor, and I could only sleep with my parents and father, but I didn't have honesty when I slept, and I always flipped up and down. Once, I accidentally flipped under the window, because I was afraid of being scolded, I didn't dare to say anything, and then I heard my mother say: "Bright as if it fell out of the window, you wrap him up, right?" My dad said, "You're so close, why don't you hug?" And you see he slept so soundly, it wouldn't be good to wake up again! My mom said, "Hmmm, you're right, it hurts to roll up and down, so let him sleep underneath!" ”

8 Our company has more women and fewer men, handsome guys are one of me, I wonder, I have been coming for three months and no one has chased me?

I went to complain to the landlady, and she smiled: "Who dares to touch my people?" A domineering declaration of love, I was touched at the time.

But there was a real question, I asked: "What about your husband?" ”

The landlady said, "I'm negotiating, and I'm going to give him the company." Woman, so tired. ”

I refused when I heard her say this, for the simple reason that I didn't want to work hard.

When she went out, she said, "Fool, I have a deposit, you say, I regret it now, can she still ask me not to?"  

9 The wife wants to buy a Louis handbag, I disagree. When she got home, she was angry for a long time, and I didn't coax her well. She said irritably, "Don't talk to me, I'll leave you as a puppy!" "And then go away. What can I do, I sat on the couch in frustration. The wife turned her head to see that I did not chase me, returned home, kicked and punched me again: "Why don't you chase me?? I felt very innocent: "How can I chase, how can a man run past a dog?"? "My wife turned her head and ran away from home after hearing this, I...

10 The Maton that he had just bought was borrowed by his cousin, saying that he was using this car to make a good girl. The next morning, I had to take the bus to work. After going up, I still didn't stand still, the driver shot a loose throttle to start, in the panic, I directly pressed on the back of a big brother's round belly, coincidentally he let out a loud fart. At that time, if I hadn't asked a lot of words: Brother, are you leaking? Now you can't rub free wifi in the hospital.

11 I am a junior at Shandong University, because my family is not very wealthy, in order to reduce the pressure on my family, I work part-time while attending school. Once, when I was a waiter at Starbucks, I liked a rich woman who often came to the store for coffee. Once she came to the shop for coffee, and suddenly it was raining heavily outside. The rich woman stood inside and outside the store, overwhelmed. As soon as I saw that this was an opportunity, I walked up to her and said: Beauty, don't you have an umbrella, I will put my clothes on for you! The rich woman looked at me and said, "The clothes are given to me, what can you do?" I opened the umbrella and smiled and said: It's okay, I have an umbrella!