After sneaking around my mother-in-law's mobile phone and finding that her Alipay spending quota was as high as 1.2 million, I immediately cashed out 1.2 million to my mobile phone and got on the train and ran. Encountered a non on the train

After sneaking around my mother-in-law's mobile phone and finding that her Alipay spending quota was as high as 1.2 million, I immediately cashed out 1.2 million to my mobile phone and got on the train and ran. Met a very beautiful girl on the train. I pretended to stare at her inadvertently for a moment, and who knew that the girl suddenly said to me: The phone is under me. I gave her the phone and she made a call directly with her own phone and returned it to me. I was immediately happy, is this the legendary peach blossom luck? After a while I received a text from her: You zipper is not pulled.

2. After my father-in-law retired, he found a job near his home to watch the gate, and his work was very leisurely every day. When I went to work today, there were only two people in the unit, he and the chairman, one in the office and the other at the gate. Because the two are similar in age, they used to drink tea and chat together, and now they wear masks and neither of them goes to anyone, it is really boring for the two to shout and chat in the air. At the end of the evening, the chairman said: What a shift this is, it is too difficult, this shouted for a day, my voice was dumb. My father-in-law said: What about the company! Chairman: Let's start working one day tomorrow. My father-in-law: A person is not more boring. Chairman: Let's keep shouting like this.

3. When I went out on the street in the summer, I saw a girl wearing a miniskirt on the road, and I actually saw a nosebleed. Everyone around me looked at me with a perverted look, and I was not ashamed, but calmly wiped my nose. I took out my phone, dialed my number, and said in a low voice, "Doctor, my nose is bleeding again." Then there was a pause, and I hissed, "I don't do dialysis!" You tell me how long I can live? After a moment of silence, I smiled bitterly with tears in the corners of my eyes: "Half a year is long enough, thank you doctor." "After hanging up the phone, the eyes of the people around me changed, and they were all full of sympathy for me. The girl in the miniskirt also handed me a pack of fragrant facial tissues. Life is like a drama, all rely on acting skills!

4. In the winter, friends shout to eat hot pot, hot pot eat more, often nosebleeds. Today I was shopping at RT-Mart, and my girlfriend called and said she was coming too. So I stood at the door of RT-Mart waiting for her, and she came, and there was a man next to her. The girlfriend introduced her boyfriend, said hello and went forward together. I was about to leave when a nosebleed suddenly came out. My girlfriend is looking at me with a black line on her face, and she doesn't think I'm interested in her boyfriend, right?

5. The father-in-law married a woman thirty years younger than him! Half a year after the marriage, the little uncle was born, and the father-in-law was very happy and invited guests to dinner. After three rounds of drinking, the father-in-law drank a little too much, and when asked what name he was going to give the child, he was a little excited. Father-in-law: "Land Rover, definitely call Land Rover!" My son is definitely better than me, and he will definitely be able to drive a Land Rover! "When you're done, drink the wine out of your cup!" I quickly grabbed him and said, "Dad, you have to think clearly, your surname is Lan!" ”

6. Big rich recruiting bodyguards, I am taekwondo black belt, play 10 is no problem, confident to go to the interview. The rich man said: There is no problem with your kung fu, has your driver's license been tested? I replied: I have taken the test. Regal: Let's work part-time as a driver in the future. I said again: I haven't taken the exam. The rich man was angry: Did he take the test? I explained: I took the exam, but I didn't.

7. The husband said to his wife sitting on the couch: Wife, tomorrow night I will invite a friend to come to the house for dinner. The wife said: What? Are you crazy? The house hadn't been cleaned in a long time, there were no meals left, and thirty plates hadn't been washed. I don't know what to do next kitchen to do! The husband said: I know, wife. The wife asked incomprehensibly: Then you also invited him to come to the house for dinner? The husband said quietly: Well, because that stupid boy is full of thoughts about getting married.

8. The sister-in-law has a very good appearance, after graduating from college, she went to a five-star hotel as a welcome lady. She has a very easy job, she just needs to stand like a vase! But the sister-in-law's routine is too deep, good men have missed it, and the family has been urging to find a partner. Today, the matchmaker introduces a man who has a lot of money in the family, but has a child who has been divorced. The sister-in-law didn't want to be a stepmother, so she said no, and as a result, my mother-in-law actually said: You are so old, and everyone who is about the same age as you are married, what if you don't look for a second marriage?

  #Funny# #搞笑段子 #