Text/Gardenia
In ancient China, women were required to achieve the "three subordinates", that is, to follow the father at home, to marry from the husband, and to the husband to die from the son. The so-called "from" means to obey and obey.
So obedience is inseparable from Chinese women, and it seems that only obedient women are a good woman who meets the standards. In the eyes of our parents, we must be obedient daughters; before our husbands, we must be obedient wives.
So as long as she obeys, can a woman be happy? The answer is not.
Nala in "Doll's House" is a good wife who absolutely listens to her husband, but she is abandoned by her husband mercilessly.
Zhang Defen has been an obedient and good child since he was a child, and he obeyed his parents' arrangements regardless of whether he applied for the exam or marriage, but the result ended in divorce.
It can be seen that obedience cannot be exchanged for marital happiness, nor can you get a man who loves you.
If there is a magic weapon in this world to subdue men, it is definitely not obedience, but "cold response".
The cold response in love makes men cherish you more
Women in love often lose themselves.
When we fall in love with someone, we are full of eyes to see each other, we can get up in the morning to make up for him, and we can also wash his hands and make soup for him.
He always felt that he was not good enough to deserve him, and he worked silently behind his back to become the person who met his requirements more. We naively think that if we just pay, we will get a reciprocal response.
Remember Qu Xiaoxiu in Ode to Joy? From the first time she saw Dr. Zhao, she launched a fierce offensive and successfully became Dr. Zhao's girlfriend. However, she was originally confident and brave, but in this relationship, she became troubled and cautious.
Does Dr. Zhao like Qu Xiaoxiu? The answer is yes. However, in this relationship, Qu Xiaoxiu is the one who pays the most. She struggled to please, did a lot of things against her heart in order to be worthy of the other party, but in the end, she broke Dr. Zhao's self-esteem because the gifts she gave were too expensive.
Qu Xiaoxiu constantly apologized before he saw the difference between them, so he chose to break up.
The separation at this time is the embodiment of cold coping, not really wanting to cut it off, but letting the overly intimate relationship press the pause button, giving each other the space and time to think calmly.
Because of Qu Xiaoxiu's enthusiasm and initiative, Dr. Zhao was naturally loved and taken for granted, but it was the days of separation that made him completely understand his feelings for Qu Xiaoxiu, and finally he could put down the mustard and get back together.
And Qu Xiaoxiu also completely figured it out after this cold response, what she needs is not to cater to the other party, but to be herself.
We must be clear: in any relationship, the most important thing is not the other person, but yourself.
The more active the party in love, the more it will be in a passive situation, occasionally take a step back, cold a cold, but can make the other party more aware of your importance, can cherish you more.
The "cold response" when arguing makes men respect you more
There are no two identical leaves in this world, and there will certainly be no two identical people, which means that men and women will inevitably disagree in the process of getting along.
What do you do when two people disagree? Is it to blindly accommodate the other party or to insist on arguing to the end?
If you blindly accommodate, you can only completely lose yourself in one accommodation after another, and become more and more humble.
Each of your moves is an endorsement of the other person, and the more recognition you get, the harder it is to accept other people's ideas. In such a relationship, you will completely lose your right to speak step by step.
Arguing according to reason is bound to cause disputes, and then speaking some emotional language and hurting each other's feelings is not a good idea.
So, in my opinion, the best way to do it is to deal with it coldly.
So how do you respond coldly when arguing?
(1) When you realize that the topic of the two people has been triggered elsewhere from the matter under discussion, you need to tell the other party, calm down for a few minutes before continuing the discussion, and avoid turning over the old account.
(2) When it is realized that the language of the two sides begins to escalate to attack each other, it is necessary to be cold, and the language violence is no less than physical violence, so it is necessary to cool down in time to avoid hurting each other.
(iii) When both parties are deadlocked and each other is unable to convince each other, you need to choose to terminate and clearly tell the other party that you keep your opinions, while also respecting each other's ideas. You may choose to re-energize and discuss it again, avoiding long periods of entanglement and energy.
Arguing is not a bad thing, you can make each other's ideas clearer throughout the process, sometimes the other person is like a mirror of yourself, in the argument you see a more real self.
Obedient women may be able to satisfy men's desire to conquer in a short period of time, but only wise women can get the respect of men from the bottom of their hearts.
The cold coping in marriage makes men feel more sorry for you
Marriage is the story of two people that you need to tell with him; marriage is a journey for two people that requires you to walk with him.
However, the story together also needs their own characters, and there are also separate landscapes in the common journey. If you can't define your role, you can't take responsibility for yourself; if you don't have the space alone, it's hard to have the opportunity to grow.
There must be not only warmth in marriage, but also a moderate cold response. Too much intimacy in marriage often develops into a final look at each other, and the right distance can maintain beauty.
You need a unique life and circle of friends in marriage.
When the other party is too busy at work and does not have time to accompany you, what you have to do is not complain, but to use the time alone to do what you like. Listen to a song, read a book, draw or exercise, and try to improve yourself and let him know that your time is so precious.
You need to have a fixed day for your exclusive girlfriend party, share your life to solve your confusion, and let him know that he is not alone in your world.
In marriage you need to moderately create some difficulties for him.
You have to give him a part of the chores in the family, whether it's doing housework or buying gifts, whether it's arranging parties or
Tutoring children. Initially taking over, he may encounter various problems, do not be enthusiastic to help him solve, but let him experience your hardships and difficulties in the process of groping.
It is impossible to truly understand and understand between people if they do not experience it personally, and only when they let him see your difficulties in marriage can he feel sorry for your efforts.
Love is like flying a kite, sometimes tight and sometimes loose, only by retracting freely, will not lose square inches.
The best state for two people to get along is: love without tired, wide without indulgence, independent of each other, mutual joy.
Only by learning to "snub" a man can we firmly eat him.
Today's Topic:
In intimate relationships, do you have any tips on managing love that you want to share?
Flower Shadow World: Focus on interpreting the emotional problems of marriage, and give you comfort and warmth in the hustle and bustle of the world