Like to dictate the life of their children, do not respect the personality and choices of children, is a common disease of most parents.
In their eyes, no matter how old their children are, whether they are already parents or not, they are all children, and what they do is unreliable, so they always interfere in their children's lives as people who have come over, and they can't help but take "I am for your own good", "I have eaten more salt than the rice you have eaten", "you are born of me, will I harm you", and so on to suppress the children and impose their will on the children.
For children, after all, you have given birth to their parents, and they also believe that your intentions are good, so even if your children feel suffocated and dissatisfied with your interference, they may not turn their faces to you for the sake of filial piety.
However, the spouse of the child may not be able to tolerate your interference, after all, you are for the good of your children, but not necessarily for their good. Many times, parents will unscrupulously violate the interests of their children's spouses for the benefit of their children, treating them as stepping stones for their children rather than relatives.
For example, in "Double Sided Glue", the reason why the mother-in-law disregards the feelings of her daughter-in-law Hu Lijuan and forcibly transforms Hu Lijuan is for the sake of her son Li Yaping, hoping that Hu Lijuan will become her son's free nanny, take care of all the dirty and tired work, and let her son enjoy his success, which is why Li Yaping accepts it with peace of mind and Hu Lijuan desperately resists.
If the in-laws still only care about their own ideas, under the banner of being good for their sons, so that the daughter-in-law is wronged, the contradiction between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law is naturally unavoidable, and even affects the son's marriage.
Like Li Yaping's mother, Aunt Feng is also a mother-in-law who only considers her son and does not treat her daughter-in-law as a family, which has triggered a contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but the difference is that her son is not a confused man, between her mother and wife, she chose the latter and sent Aunt Feng away.
After returning to her hometown, Aunt Feng still did not realize her problem, and poured bitter water with her former acquaintances: "My daughter-in-law is too defeated, and her living expenses are 5,000 a month, I complained to my son, but I was sent back to my hometown." ”
01. I promised to take the baby, but in less than half a month, they would not let me bring it;
Aunt Feng's son is 30 years old, married 4 years ago, settled in the city, and two years ago, Aunt Feng's daughter-in-law gave birth to a son.
After the birth of the grandson, Aunt Feng received a call from her son, asking her to help with the baby, for the sake of the grandson, Aunt Feng agreed, moved to the son's house, and helped take care of the grandson.
Unexpectedly, she only took her grandson for half a month, and she had a conflict with her daughter-in-law.
"She is also too particular, the child's bottle is not used, but she frequently asks for high temperature disinfection, which is really nothing to do."
"The child's diaper is not wet or anything, you have to buy it, saying that you are worried about causing allergies, when we were young, where did we pay attention to the conditions, and did not come over like this?" My son is not so famous, is not still healthy and healthy to grow up? ”
"I am a mother, I don't know how to save money, I constantly nourish when I am confined, and I receive couriers every day after going out to work, as well as her clothes and cosmetics." Where is so much spare money to spend? Don't you need money to raise children? ”
"My son works overtime, doesn't come back to eat, just our two women, just eat some leftovers to cope with it, won't it be over?" She was very delicate, and when she saw me putting away the chicken soup, she complained that I did not treat my daughter-in-law as a human being. ”
"I don't do it, I have the ability to take the baby yourself", Aunt Feng was originally angry, thinking that this could scare the daughter-in-law, let her honestly listen to her own words, and become a qualified wife and mother according to her own requirements, but the daughter-in-law actually chose to resign as a full-time mother, and also "politely" asked herself to return to her hometown.
02. My son works overtime every day, she does not understand the heartache, spending 5000 a month, too much;
At first, Aunt Feng did not return to her hometown, but rented a house in the community opposite her son's home and lived with her wife and two people.
"My daughter-in-law is so unreliable, she doesn't know how to save money at all, if she lets her manage the money and no one looks at her, my son's hard-earned money can't be retained, how can I go with confidence?"
Because she lives close and has nothing to do, Aunt Feng's biggest hobby is to go to her son's house, tease her grandson, and supervise her daughter-in-law' full-time mother by the way. As a result, every time she went, her dissatisfaction with her daughter-in-law grew.
Is there such a? My grandson was only two years old, so she let his grandson grab a spoon and eat by himself, not to feed the child? When my son was four or five years old, I had to chase and feed! She patronized and ate on her own. ”
Catching up with the meal, seeing the food on the daughter-in-law's table, Aunt Feng was distressed and screamed: "Just for her, she also wants to cook chicken soup, but also to eat shrimp, a vegetarian and a meat combination, how much does it cost?" ”
Not to mention that she saw her daughter-in-law buying clothes and cosmetics: "A housewife, in addition to buying vegetables, needs to go out, and does not attend parties, dressed so well, to whom to see?" ”
Aunt Feng learned from her son that her son and daughter-in-law's monthly living expenses were 5,000, which was equal to one-third of her son's income, which made Aunt Feng completely unable to sit still.
"My son works overtime every day, she doesn't understand the pain, spending 5,000 a month is too much."
03. Obviously, my daughter-in-law is too bad, why did my son pick me up and go back to my hometown?
Aunt Feng knew that the daughter-in-law was a person who could not get in oil and salt, and she would quarrel, and she could not help her at all, so Aunt Feng went out of the horse, went to find her son, talked with her son for a long time, and criticized her daughter-in-law as useless, asking her son to take good care of his wife and not let his wife lose like this.
"Either I'll keep taking the baby and she'll go out to work, and you two will give me your pay card and I'll take care of the living expenses, or you'll manage the money and let her ask you for money, and every expense will be approved by you."
What made Aunt Feng feel incomprehensible was that she knew that her request was reasonable and reasonable, and it was for her son's consideration, but the son did not appreciate it and trained himself.
"Mom, if you don't help well, you can still add to my chaos, do you want me to get a divorce?"
"What's wrong with her eating something good?" I'm tired of working to make money, and she has to do housework and take the baby, isn't she tired? How hard it is to raise children, you are not unaware. ”
"She's my wife, she spends my money, what's up?" A man makes money but refuses to give his wife flowers, and passs it out that this man is not drowned by spit? Besides, she didn't spend much money on herself at all, and I didn't eat the good dishes she bought? Does my son not need nutrition? ”
"Since you don't like her horizontally, go back to your hometown, and if you don't see your heart, you won't be bothered by you."
The complaint failed, but was sent back to her hometown by her son, and Aunt Feng felt even more depressed. After listening to Aunt Feng's accusations, there were few people who sympathized with her, but many people accused Aunt Feng of being nosy and a bad mother-in-law.
"The only thing you should be thankful for is that your son is not confused."
04. If you can't control your mouth and like to dictate to your children's lives, then you can only leave.
Zhou Guoping said: "It is instinctive to be picky about people close to you, but overcoming instinct and not being picky about people close to you is a kind of upbringing. ”
Respecting sons and daughters-in-law, not being critical of them, not pointing fingers at them, and seeking common ground while reserving differences is the upbringing of parents. If you want to get the respect of others and the filial piety from the heart of the younger generation, you must first be a qualified elder and set a good example in order to get their respect.
Think about it from the other side, if a person always despises you, looks down on you, tramples your dignity under your feet, and makes you feel uncomfortable, are you willing to respect him from the bottom of your heart and be close to him?
I hope that parents can understand this sentence that Zhang Ailing once said: "Middle-aged men often feel lonely, because as soon as he opens his eyes, he is surrounded by people who want to rely on him, but there are no people he can rely on." ”
When people reach middle age, they must not only honor you, but also support their families, manage marriages, educate their children, develop their careers, and deal with bosses and colleagues, and your sons are really under pressure. When people reach middle age, there are too many things that will make men collapse, and the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is one of the big heads.
If you can't control your mouth and like to dictate to your children's lives, then you have to leave. Do you want your son to end up alone and be laughed at for you? Sons also have their own lives and need the understanding and support of their parents. Even if it doesn't help, you have to do it without dragging your son's hind legs.
END.
Today's topic: Do you think Aunt Feng is a bad mother-in-law? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.