01
Can a woman blindly pay in marriage in exchange for happiness?
Someone once said:
"Men are creatures that are used to attract rather than love, and it will be unfortunate not to love men. Men don't care if you love him or not, only whether you're attractive enough to him. He wants a desire to conquer, not your giving. ”
It is undeniable that in the matter of feelings, men are more or less ignorant of what to do.
The more you pluck out your heart and lungs, for him to go to the moon for nine days and catch turtles in the five oceans, the more he will not take you seriously;
On the contrary, as long as you are serious about yourself and make yourself better and better, then the more you love him, the more rare you are, afraid of losing you.
Many women do not understand this truth, treat every relationship with all their strength, and as a result, it is often this wave of people who are hurt the most in the end.
The same goes for Xiaowei (pseudonym). In the marriage, he worked hard and complained, not only could not get half a good, but also was betrayed by his husband and divorced.
02
Xiaowei and her husband have been married for more than two years, except for the sweetness of the new marriage, the life after marriage can almost be described as suffocated.
Probably because she grew up in a single-parent family, Xiao wei's personality has always been relatively inferior and weak.
In addition, she loves her husband very much and is always worried that if she does not do well, she will make his husband unhappy, so at the beginning she put her posture very low and catered to her in-laws everywhere in the marriage.
But the partial mother-in-law is also a bully who is afraid of hard lords, and Xiao Wei has no temper, and she always loves to pinch Xiao Wei. On weekdays, not only all the housework is pushed to Xiaowei, and she is called as a maid, but life is even more difficult.
Especially when the mother-in-law plays mahjong and loses money on her back, she comes back to look at Xiaowei horizontally and vertically: Xiaowei standing is also wrong, sitting is also wrong, staying at home is wrong, going out shopping is also wrong, the volume is low, the volume is high is also wrong, even normal breathing, in the mother-in-law's view is wrong.
In short, how harsh the mother-in-law is to Xiaowei. And Xiao Wei is weak and afraid of things, and is always obedient to her mother-in-law.
All said, take a step back from the sea and the sky.
This word does not exist here in Xiao Wei's mother-in-law. The more Xiao Wei gave in, the more her mother-in-law went too far.
Sometimes Xiao Wei really can't stand it, so she waits for her husband to come back from work and secretly complains to him.
Although the weak personality is on the one hand, Xiao Wei is indeed because she loves her husband and does not want him to be caught in the middle, so she will tolerate her mother-in-law everywhere and try not to have a direct conflict with her.
But all this seems to her husband to be her own fault. No one forced her not to resist? How did you get wronged and put the responsibility on yourself?
Every time he came home from work and saw Xiao Wei crying and crying, the more her husband wanted to escape from this home. But he would never say half a word about his mother, only think that it was Xiao Wei's fault.
Later, the husband also betrayed Xiaowei and raised other women outside of marriage.
Xiao Wei was very unwilling after finding out, she had never done anything to be sorry for her husband, no matter how much her mother-in-law did, she never resisted, she paid so much for her husband and for this family, how did she end up with such a fate.
However, in the matter of feelings, Xiao Wei has a clean habit. Despite her sadness, she resolutely filed for divorce.
After divorcing her husband, Xiaowei no longer has to pander to please anyone, and she has a good job and lives a very comfortable life.
However, when I occasionally think about this past, I still feel a little lost in my heart. After all, after so many grievances in marriage, it is obviously not so easy to let her go at once.
She and her ex-husband have never been in touch again, but they can still occasionally learn about each other's dynamics from their mutual friends.
I heard that he remarried and married the woman outside of marriage, but the marriage was not happy.
Later, about three years after the original divorce, Xiaowei suddenly received a call from a strange number. It turned out to be a call from her former mother-in-law, and she was afraid that Xiaowei would not answer her phone, so she borrowed the neighbor's.
The purpose of her call was to hope that Xiaowei could let go of everything in the past and remarry her son (that is, Xiaowei's ex-husband).
It turned out that the extramarital woman who was married by her ex-husband's second marriage was simply a lord who did not let people worry. Usually, he is both arrogant and unreasonable, and he is always ambiguous with other men, and he does not have the appearance of a woman living a solid life.
The former mother-in-law not only had to wash and cook to serve her, but also was obedient to her treatment, and did not dare to easily say that she did not say a word. Otherwise, he will be bored with himself and be scolded by her as a dog bloody head.
Watching a good family being disturbed by a remarried wife, the ex-husband couldn't bear to choose to divorce again.
The other party is also not a vegetarian, and refuses to leave. Later, it took a lot of "breakup fees" to get rid of the woman.
The former mother-in-law also said that after experiencing the second bad daughter-in-law, she and her ex-husband really understood Xiaowei's goodness. I hope that Xiaowei can see that she agreed to remarry in the past love.
Three years of betrayal and hatred, a phone call from her ex-mother-in-law, let Xiaowei completely release her heart.
However, she resolutely refused the request of her ex-mother-in-law. The rabbit didn't eat the grass on the edge of the nest, and she never wanted to go back to that kind of family.
03
In life, "evil mothers-in-law" like Xiaowei's mother-in-law who bully soft and fear hard abound, and they often need to go through a "bad daughter-in-law" before they can realize their mistakes.
It's just a pity that the dead sheep make up for it, and it's too late. A lot of things don't go back to the past by admitting mistakes, especially marriage.
Through Xiaowei's encounter, we also understand the following two truths.
One: if you are not cherished, you should leave in time.
In relationships, one of the most common mistakes many women make is to think that "to love him is to be good to him, and to pay for him unconditionally." ”
However, as the song "Red Rose" sings: "What is not obtained is always in turmoil, and those who are favored have no fear."
People are often most likely to fight the other's love, and they do not particularly cherish what is at their fingertips.
As a long-term paying party, when our enthusiasm is not responded to, the wisest thing to do is to stop the loss in time and leave decisively.
Especially in unhappy marriages, the longer it takes, the more disadvantageous it is to the woman.
Not to mention that women's youth is limited, time is precious, and the older they are, the less likely they are to have the courage to divorce.
An embarrassing marriage alone is enough to make a woman suffer and destroy her confidence in life.
Just like Xiao Wei.
Suffering from the embarrassment of the mother-in-law at home every day, where can the mood be beautiful? Long-term tolerance, do you really not have mental health problems? Even if the husband does not develop extramarital feelings, what is the point of such a marriage?
Marriage should be the icing on the cake for our lives.
If not, then it is nothing, not worth lingering on.
Second: Kindness without sharp edges is often more able to inspire the evil of others.
In the past, people always said that they should endure the calm of the wind and waves for a while, and take a step back from the sea and the sky.
The reality, however, is often the opposite.
Many times, taking a step back will not only not be exchanged for the sea and the sky, but it is easy for people to kick their noses and face her face, and she does not want her face.
Just like Xiao Wei's husband and mother-in-law.
In other words, other families who know how to be grateful can meet a wife and daughter-in-law like Xiao Wei who works hard and complains, and has long burned high incense and doubled her kindness to keep such a virtuous woman.
How can anyone become more serious because the juniors are good at talking, and they are embarrassed everywhere?
Of course, their unscrupulousness is also inseparable from Xiao Wei's own cowardice.
If Xiao Wei had taken out her temper and attitude from the beginning, bravely said no to the embarrassment of her mother-in-law and husband, instead of choosing to go against the grain, they would not have hurt again and again, but had relented.
Everyone is a combination of angel and devil. Kindness without sharp edges is often more likely to inspire the evil of others.
I really like a point in Round Table Pie:
"Everyone has their own unique values, and if you give up your personality and value to create a person who is liked, it means that you are attracted to people who do not really appreciate you." 」
I hope that every girl can insist on being herself in her feelings.
Text/No Pen