A woman who marries a man she does not love, even if she can coexist peacefully, will be rejected from being close to him

Zhuang Di Xiaomeng / Seeing the essence through the story

An original emotion number that deserves your attention

Illustration/from the web

Shakespeare once said, "A sloppy marriage is less than a happy marriage." ”

The so-called sloppiness refers to a decision made on impulse.

Without much deliberation and without calculating the consequences, such a marriage was doomed from the start to be a big gamble.

Austin once said: "A happy marriage requires not only the exchange of ideas, but also the exchange of feelings, and the separation of feelings in one's own heart also pushes one's wife out of one's own life." ”

How can a sloppy marriage come from feelings?

In real life, many people are flashing marriages, and they have only known each other for a month or two and began to talk about marriage.

They don't know each other, let alone love, and they marry mostly to accomplish life tasks.

Men marry women they don't love and can live in peace because they don't need love so much. But what about women? What if a woman marries a man she doesn't love?

Women are innate sensual creatures, they are emotionally rich and they yearn for love all their lives.

Marriages without love are nothing more than a backwater for them, and they can live together in peace, but they will physically reject being close to their husbands.

"Peaceful coexistence" is a compromise with reality

Women's compromises probably stem from two reasons.

On the one hand, outside pressure.

There is a very resonant saying on the Internet: "My mother called me crying and said that because of my affair, she couldn't sleep all night." In that moment, I knew I was not far from compromise. ”

A simple sentence tells the purpose of many people's marriage.

Some women marry not because they have met love, nor because they yearn for a good marriage, but because they have reached the age and must bow to reality.

People are social animals, and everyone lives in the human world, so they can't completely ignore the eyes of others.

A woman who is not married in her 20s is normal for everyone, but if she is still single in her 30s, people will whisper behind their backs.

You can not care what others say, but your parents really can't bear the gossip.

Not to mention that they also feel that marriage is a part of a woman's life that must be experienced, so they will put pressure on you in various ways.

In the end you have to choose to obey, because you know that your parents are really good for you, and you know how terrible words that can kill people are.

So in the case of last resort, you can only choose to obey the will of the masses to live.

On the other hand, life is stressful.

It is undeniable that there are many excellent women in society, who are not only highly educated, but also have high incomes, and it is not a problem to buy a house and a car, but such women are only a very small minority after all.

Most women are just ordinary people, they don't have decent jobs, they don't have the ability to keep themselves fed, so marrying is the best choice for them.

After getting married, he has his own house to live in, and when he doesn't want to go to work, he takes the children at home and gives the pressure of life to his husband.

With children, there will be a dependence when you are old in the future.

If they do not get married, their life will be relatively miserable, they will not make any money when they are young, and they will not be able to make a living when they are old and weak.

No children, no dependence, no financial resources, such a life is very scary.

They know that the best way out for ordinary women is to get married, even if they marry someone they don't love.

There is an old Chinese saying that if it comes, it is safe. Whatever the reason, since you have become a family, you should live together peacefully.

This is the best choice for yourself, for others, and even for children.

"Rejection" is a physiological response

Ibsen once said, "Marriage is a great test of life." ”

I think there's nothing harder in this test than learning to live with people you don't love.

Mr. Lu Xun had a married wife, older than him, and was born in the countryside, with little culture.

He would never have taken a fancy to such a woman, and the reason why he married her was only to obey the orders of his parents and the words of a matchmaker.

He once said, "Juan is not my wife, she is my mother's wife, and my obligation is only to support her." ”

He never touched Juan, so Juan never had a son and a half daughter in his life, but he took on the obligations of her husband and supported her for the rest of her life.

There is the name of husband and wife, but there is no reality of husband and wife.

Because I don't love, I don't want to be close.

This is Lu Xun's choice, and it is also the choice of many helpless people.

A woman married to a man she does not love, there is no way to completely eliminate the fact of husband and wife, but every time she is close, she will have a sense of physical rejection.

It was a true reaction from the heart, out of the control of reason, and she could force herself to eat with him, walk together, and live together, but there was no way to force herself to accept being close to him.

Love is always a luxury for marriage

Elizabeth once said, "Love is beautiful, but marriage is sacred." ”

Many people's life experiences tell us that love and marriage are often two completely different things.

You can do whatever you want when you are in love, as long as there is love, everything else is not important.

But marriage is not OK, marriage involves two families, and everyone has to weigh the pros and cons.

The probability of a person encountering love is already very low, coupled with the need to weigh the pros and cons when getting married, so the probability of marrying love is even more pitiful.

It is undeniable that the vast majority of people are loveless in marriage, and although they have become the closest people in the world, there is no love for each other.

This phenomenon has been common from ancient times to the present.

So marriage is the norm, but love is a luxury.

How to deal with a marriage without love?

Love is always a very important part of people, but this does not mean that a marriage without love must be bad.

As long as you adhere to some principles, you can still have a happy and happy family.

First, love can be cultivated

The woman Qianlong loved most in his life was Empress Fucha, and Nalan Rongruo's favorite was also his original wife.

There are many moving love stories in the history of the continent, and most of them are husband and wife.

According to the ancient etiquette, before marriage, they not only did not know each other, but even never met, but later they established such a deep feeling, so it can be seen that love can be cultivated.

There is no emotion before marriage, and it is well cultivated after marriage.

Second, there can be no love, but not without affection

It doesn't matter if you can't cultivate love, because there is no eternal love in this world.

There are no more than two kinds of ultimate belonging to love, the first is to dissipate, and the second is to transform into affection.

For everyone, the second outcome is the most satisfactory.

Since the best destination of love is family affection, how can it not be a good thing to establish family affection without love?

Third, mutual understanding and mutual support are more important than love

Two people together do not have to be vigorous, you can also have no wind and snow, as long as you understand each other, advance and retreat together, you are each other's most important people in this world.

Such a relationship is affection, and when each other completely treats each other as family, it is when your relationship is strongest, and such a relationship is far more reliable than love.

Husbands and wives are family, there is love when there is a home, and there is happiness when there is love.

Original author of the Zhuang Di Xiaomeng/Emotional Column

May your life be full of surprises, and may your happiness come as scheduled.