There is a saying on the Internet: a good mother-in-law relationship is not necessarily helpful for the maintenance of marriage; a bad mother-in-law relationship is definitely the last straw that overwhelms marriage.
From ancient times to the present, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has always been a topic that can never be avoided in marriage, only because it is really difficult to deal with, but the impact on marriage is very deep.
If the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is handled well, the mother-in-law is filial piety, and the family is harmonious, men can have a lot less worries, concentrate on their careers, and make the family happier and happier, and some mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can control men and let men better assume family responsibilities.
If the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not harmonious, the family can not move the chicken flying dog jump, for some trivial things quarreled, let the man judge, on the one hand is the mother, on the other side is the wife, help which is not OK, men are trapped by family affairs, can not go to work at ease.
In fact, to deal with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it is not only the man who gives the power, but also the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law who are reasonable. When encountering an unreasonable and unsympathetic mother who does not feel sorry for her son or a daughter-in-law who does not feel sorry for a man, it is useless for a man to reconcile the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
I once read a sentence in a book: "Marriage is the union of two families, and some contradictions do not arise just because they live together, and there must be no contradictions without living together." The most important point between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is to correct their role positioning. ”
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law get along, mother-in-law, daughter-in-law, and man must be placed in their own position.
Aunt Li is 82 years old this year, 5 years ago, the daughter-in-law personally returned to her hometown, took Aunt Li to the city, in order to make Aunt Li easy to travel, the son and daughter-in-law took the savings, bought a small house with one room and one hall on the first floor of the same community, for Aunt Li's pension, three meals a day are personally delivered by the daughter-in-law.
When I asked Aunt Li about the experience of getting along with her mother-in-law, Aunt Li told me that there are 4 obstacles in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and if they can all pass, they can be filial piety and filial piety, and the family is happy and happy.
The first hurdle, when the son chooses a mate, excessive interference will lay hidden dangers for the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law from the beginning;
30 years ago, when Aunt Li's son was working outside, he met his wife and the two wanted to get married.
Aunt Li's husband opposed the marriage on the grounds that the woman's family was not well-off, her own income was not high, and some people told him that the woman was not the life of a son at first glance.
Aunt Li's son did not approve of his father's statement and quarreled with his father, and the father and son quarreled.
When Aunt Li saw the situation, she pulled away her husband, who was angry enough to beat her son, had a good chat with her son, and after determining the idea that her son was not her wife, she agreed to the marriage.
"Are you going to live your life with your daughter-in-law, or is it your son?" What do you like? Your son doesn't like it, isn't that mess? ”
With the support of Aunt Li, the son and daughter-in-law were able to marry smoothly.
Mark Levy wrote in The Man Who Stole the Shadow: "You can't interfere in someone else's life, even if it's for the good of the other person, this is his life." ”
I always feel that my son is not big and likes to interfere with his son's choices, especially if he likes to meddle in his son's marriage, which is a common disease of many parents.
In the eyes of these parents, the son is still a child, do not know how to choose, their choice is the most appropriate. They don't believe in their son's vision and want to control their son's life. However, you must know that the person who wants to live with your daughter-in-law for the rest of your life is your son, not you.
If your son doesn't like it, you can't, so when your son chooses a mate, you must respect your son's opinion and respect your son's future wife.
The second hurdle, the feud of the confinement, the enmity of the baby, etc., just because you will not compare the heart to the heart;
Aunt Li's daughter-in-law gave birth to a daughter after giving birth in October, which made Aunt Li's husband angry and even more thought that the daughter-in-law was not conducive to the family.
Aunt Li hugged her granddaughter and unceremoniously scolded her wife: "What's wrong with my daughter?" Isn't your daughter your family? Isn't it your son's bloodline? Who gave you permission to dislike women? You hate women, that is to say, you also dislike me, right? You also hate to give birth to your mother, right? ”
After being scolded by her wife, Aunt Li's husband was dumbfounded, and the daughter-in-law was originally dissatisfied with her father-in-law, and she looked at her mother-in-law's face and did not think about it anymore.
After that, the son and daughter-in-law need to return to the city to work, and invite Aunt Li to accompany them and help watch the children. Aunt Li ignored her wife's muttering, left her wife, and went to the city to help her daughter-in-law take care of her granddaughter.
Seeing that his wife was pitiful in his hometown alone, Aunt Li patiently persuaded him: "Children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren' blessings, what are you blindly mixing?" Besides, I'm not helping my daughter-in-law, I'm helping my son. You don't want to think about it, if I don't help my daughter-in-law with my granddaughter, my daughter-in-law will have to resign, and your son will be tired to support his family alone! ”
Under aunt Li's scolding and persuasion, the relationship between the wife and the daughter-in-law was improved, and the attitude towards the granddaughter was much better.
From the time the daughter-in-law marries in to the time the grandchildren go to school, it is their most difficult time, and they cannot do without your help. At this time, reach out to your daughter-in-law, and your daughter-in-law can feel your kindness, be grateful, and establish a deep affection with you.
Between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, there is no obligation, only affection. As the writer Zweig said: All the gifts of fate are secretly marked with prices. You have to exchange it in another way, or pay it back.
If you want your daughter-in-law to treat you like a mother, you have to treat her like a daughter.
The third hurdle, far away from the incense and near the smell, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law coexist under the same roof, it is easy to contradict;
In fact, the reason why the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law will look at each other unfavorably is also because the two generations have different lifestyles, the ideas and concepts they receive are different, if they live together, they will not look up and look down, and when they see each other's places that make them feel disgusted, they can't control their mouths, want to blame each other, and eventually lose more words.
Aunt Li helped her son and daughter-in-law to bring their babies, and also lived with them, and she knew the principle of turning a blind eye. The daughter-in-law asked her to take the baby, she did it, anyway, it was her own girl, and the daughter-in-law would not be mistaken.
The daughter-in-law likes to buy things, Aunt Li's wife is a loser, Aunt Li warned her wife: "Your son is not disgusted, it is good to care about your ass?" ”
The son and the daughter-in-law quarreled, and many mothers subconsciously helped their sons, but Aunt Li directly did not see it: "The bedside quarrel and the end of the bed, if the husband and wife do not mix their mouths, it is strange!" As long as it is not a divorce, it is not my business, solve it yourself! ”
Because Aunt Li knows how to control her mouth and turn a blind eye, during that period, there were few conflicts between her and her daughter-in-law, and the relationship between them was very harmonious.
Zhou Guoping said: "It is instinctive to be picky about people close to you, but overcoming instinct and not being picky about people close to you is a kind of upbringing. ”
No one wants to be criticized all the time, no one wants to listen to unpleasant words all the time. Living under the same roof as your daughter-in-law, you must know the principle of turning a blind eye and saying less critical words, so as not to lose more words.
The fourth hurdle, when you need to be taken care of, if you adopt a double-standard attitude towards your son and daughter-in-law, it is difficult to have a harmonious mother-in-law relationship.
During the period when his wife was critically ill and hospitalized, Aunt Li had a clear division of labor.
Because the granddaughter was in the critical stage of the college entrance examination during that period, Aunt Li did not let her daughter-in-law come to the hospital to take care of her father-in-law, and only let her accompany her child to participate in the college entrance examination.
After my son got off work, he came to the hospital to give her a hand, helped her scrub her wife's body, and did some physical work. From the time his wife was hospitalized until she died, Aunt Li has been with her and personally taken care of her.
"I was sick and hospitalized, and I was shouting at my son, after all, he was my own child, and I couldn't just feel sorry for my son and treat my daughter-in-law as a machine!" However, my daughter-in-law hated my son's clumsiness, drove him away, and took care of me herself, in fact, this is also my mother-in-law's good job, and my daughter-in-law will willingly honor me. ”
Tu Lei said that the best relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, between mother-in-law and son-in-law, we must do two sentences, regard it as our own care, and treat each other as guests.
Regard as your own love, that is, your son is a son, and the daughter of others is also pregnant in October, why do you say that my son I pulled the big one, although the people are two pulling big, it is also the flesh that fell from the body, you have to hurt two as much, and even more pain to your own daughter-in-law. The heart should be treated as a relative, but it must be done as a guest.
Many elderly people need to be taken care of, they are distressed about their sons, but they ignore the feelings of their daughters-in-law, and you take such a double-standard attitude to treat your daughter-in-law, she is naturally not happy.
In the old age, people should take good care of their bodies and ask their sons for help when needed. As long as you are good to your daughter-in-law, your daughter-in-law will not ignore you. Remember, home and everything.
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Today's topic: What is your opinion of Aunt Lee's mother-in-law? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.