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City Story: "Man! When you ask a woman to resemble a woman, ask yourself how many imaged men there are! ”
It's normal for the opposite sex to get along and ask each other. However, the demands made by both sides cannot be excessive, cannot be unreasonable, otherwise they can only confirm a fact: the person who makes unreasonable demands is himself very bad.
In fact, not only the opposite sex, but also all kinds of interpersonal relationships should follow such guidelines, including the mother-in-law relationship in marriage, the same is true.
A mother-in-law who makes unreasonable demands on her daughter-in-law is certainly not a good mother-in-law, because a good mother-in-law will not do such a stupid thing, and will not make such a low-level mistake.
Many people's marriages cannot be purely to two people, but a synthesis of various interpersonal relationships. In this case, if there is no cutting between various concerns, if the boundaries are not drawn, it is easy to become a mess, and finally there is a chicken feather left.
The following reader's marriage has such a problem, let's take a look at what is going on.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
I sometimes envy people who are happily married, not only for how happy their marital relationship is, but for how harmonious they are between several families.
My marriage couldn't meet such conditions, at least it had been.
When my mother urged marriage, she said that the consequences of not getting married were very serious, saying that if I did not marry, I would be sorry for the patriarchs, and if I did not get married, she would let her live as the laughing stock of others, and she would even die because I did not marry.
I compromised with this moral kidnapping argument, although I knew that I was not ready to get married, but the feeling of "not wanting to be unfilial" in my heart was too urgent, and I couldn't take care of much, and my mother asked me to do whatever I wanted, and I soon got married.
But life after marriage is not as simple as finding someone to marry.
I thought that my mother was so anxious to urge me to get married, and then she would definitely get along with my daughter-in-law and help us run the marriage together, but it turned out that this was not the case at all.
She has her own plans, urging me to get married is not really for my sake, but for her own plans, because after having a daughter-in-law, she will feel like an extra nanny, giving her the opportunity to rely on the old and sell the old.
Before I knew the truth, she had secretly asked my daughter-in-law for money many times. My daughter-in-law is an honest person, and after being coaxed and frightened by her, she has not dared to tell me that in addition to regularly handing over to my mother "living expenses", she must also accept her uninvited calculations.
After I found out, she felt that there was already an agreement between her and her daughter-in-law, and there was no need to hide it anymore, so she said that the "living expenses" were my daughter-in-law's voluntary filial piety to her.
My daughter-in-law did not dare to expose her in front of her, but she agreed with her statement. It wasn't until my mother-in-law came to me to settle the account that I realized that my mother was lying, and that my daughter-in-law was not willing to be calculated by her.
I asked my mother not to ask my daughter-in-law for money again, and she promised very happily, but she did not take my words seriously, and still asked my daughter-in-law for money behind my back.
Can you understand how I feel when I am questioned once every three or five minutes by my mother-in-law? Can you understand that my mother has always been dead-faced, even if my mother-in-law argues with her, it will not help, I am caught in the middle of the difficult feeling of being a person? It's really painful!
Divorce is what I mentioned, because I don't think I'm like a man, too cowardly and incompetent, can't give my daughter-in-law happiness, can only let her suffer with me, I don't want to do this, otherwise I will have a restless conscience for a lifetime.
Of course I couldn't let my mom know, or she would have blocked her and wouldn't have allowed me to lose her cash cow.
I could only chop and play, and by the time she knew, the wood was in the boat.
She couldn't contact my daughter-in-law, just like a person with an alcohol addiction who couldn't find wine, and angrily asked me: "Is your daughter-in-law dead?" Why hasn't my living expenses been sent over? ”
I told her that poverty alleviation was over and that I was divorced. It is not difficult to imagine that she scolded me to the point of bloodshed, and did not forget to move out of the previous set of words to urge marriage and morally kidnap me.
I used to be afraid of these words, but now I'm not afraid! Feel free! Love how to say how to say, I don't bother to pay attention! I let her go along, she won't let me go along, so why should I let her go? Isn't what I feel like? Does my happiness have to be abused by her? Just because she is my mother, can she act arbitrarily?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
"Do not do to others what you do not want", many people have not implemented this concept.
For example, the mother-in-law, whether she is a mother or a mother-in-law, is not qualified. She makes unreasonable demands on her son and daughter-in-law, and she does not care whether she is good or not for her son and daughter-in-law, she only asks the other party to obey her, which is not the standard of being a person.
In addition to the principle of being a human being, in addition to "do not do to others what you do not want", there is also Dale Carnegie's extension of this sentence: What you want, first give to others.
Whether in the mother-child relationship or the mother-in-law relationship, you want the other party to do what you ask, which means that you think you are superior. If you want the other party to really do what you want, you must show your "superior" place and let others be convinced, otherwise you ask the other party to obey you out of thin air, why?
Even if you are an elder, you should also follow the rules of being a person, you should follow the rules of interpersonal communication, and you should not regard "old age" as a gold medal to avoid death, otherwise you are relying on the old and selling the old, disrespecting the old, and will only let the younger generation despise you and hate you, and will not get their respect.