My wife likes to buy and buy, buy two bags, and the same style of clothes are all gone, and I want to divorce

I received a confession from a male reader, which reads as follows.

01

Hello Fat Fish:

I guess I must be the first male reader to confide in you. Looking at your public name for two years, I think you are particularly kind, and I want to tell you about my wife, I really can't stand her.

My wife and I met through blind dates, and she had a cousin who was a colleague of mine and introduced us to each other.

My wife and I are from the same city, and both stayed in the provincial city to work after graduating from college. So the first time we met, we felt all right and continued to interact.

When I was in love, I found my wife very clingy. I think this is a little love interest of the girl, indicating that she cares about me, and I still enjoy it.

Unexpectedly, after getting married, it became a disaster. Sometimes, I work overtime at the unit, and when I go back late, my wife will call me to "check the post". Even if I said I was working overtime, she would ask me to open the video to see if I was working overtime.

Occasionally, I went to dinner with my good brothers, and she also video checked the post. Once or twice, I put up with it, and she did this every time, which annoyed me.

Later, when I was working overtime or at a party, I simply turned off my phone. When she got home, she would cry and say I didn't love her and wanted a divorce. Every time, I would put a lot of effort into coaxing her well, but I was really tired.

We've only been married for less than a year, and that's the situation, and later, I can't even think about it.

My wife is quite positive, and even preparing for pregnancy, but I am in this marriage, but I have pains that cannot be said.

Recently, the reason that made me think about divorce was that my wife simply did not know that chai rice oil and salt were expensive.

02

Before we got married, my parents supported part of the down payment and bought us a house. Now I have to pay off nearly 5,000 yuan of mortgages every month, plus car maintenance, and the living expenses of seven, seven, eight, and eight, and tens of thousands.

At first, my income was OK, and whatever my wife wanted to buy, I was all under her.

For example, every time she went to the clothing store to buy clothes, the same style, she had to buy. Although I didn't understand why she did this, the financial conditions were still affordable at that time, so I let her buy it.

She loves all kinds of bags, branded, non-branded, as long as it is what she wants, she has to buy it. A lot, not memorized.

Her favorite gadgets, such as furniture, are like to buy double portions, and even buy trinkets, all of which are bought in different colors of the same style at once.

She also likes all kinds of cosmetics, all kinds of lipsticks at home, according to my visual estimation, there are not 100, and it is almost the same. There are also a variety of skin care products for wiping the face, and if you want to buy them, you buy a full set, and I also support them. It is natural for women to love beauty, the wife dresses up beautifully, goes out with her, I also have face, don't I?

Of course, this is all when we are in good condition.

This year's situation is different from previous years. Just after the end of the year, I was laid off. Because my wife likes to buy, buy and buy, we don't have much savings on hand.

Being cut made me panic. Fortunately, later, under the recommendation of my brother, I quickly found a job.

The salary is much lower than in the past, only in the early ten thousand, and there is basically no money left after paying the family expenses every month. No longer like before, you can meet the wife's various buys and buys.

I analyzed our current situation for my wife and asked her to save some money. Her salary is not high, more than 5,000 yuan a month, which is not enough for her to spend on her own.

It's just that I told her and she didn't listen. She didn't have any money, so she used the excuse that I was unemployed, paid my salary in advance, and even asked friends and relatives to borrow money and buy it with flowers. Ask her to return it, and she won't want to.

Recently, we don't know how many fights we have quarreled over this.

I even wondered if I was in a hurry to marry my wife. After all, we were in love for half a year and got married.

03

After every quarrel, my wife would play pitiful with me.

I also understand that the environment in which she grew up when she was a child had a great influence on her.

My wife's parents divorced more than 5 months after she was born. The mother-in-law threw her wife to her grandmother and went back to see her once or twice a year. The mother-in-law divorced because the in-laws preferred sons to daughters and looked down on her.

Later, the mother-in-law remarried and gave birth to a son, and after gaining a firm foothold in the in-laws' house, she took my wife over. It's just that my wife is 12 years old at this time. She has not grown up with her mother-in-law since she was a child, and naturally she cannot get close to her mother and mother. And the wife's biological father, who has not come to see her since the divorce.

Because of this, I sympathize with my wife.

After every fight, it is not easy to think about her. As she said, although her parents were there, she grew up like an orphan.

She also has a lot of grievances within her, which I can understand. But when I live my life, I really can't stand what she shows.

Yesterday, we quarreled because during the May Day holiday, she actually carried me behind my back and bought a certain brand of lipstick, which was not cheap. The most important thing is that this money was overdrawn by her.

I was really angry and got into a big fight with her, she got angry and said divorce and I said okay. She cried even louder.

I just can't understand, why does she like to buy it so much?

Fat fish, you tell me, is there any way to make my wife stop buying and buying like crazy? Otherwise, I'm afraid, I really can't get along with her.

04

Here's my response:

Thank you for your trust!

With this confession of yours, today we will talk about the inner child.

The inner child is the child within us. Each of us has a child within ourselves, and this inner child does not disappear as we age. Instead, he will always be like a child, hiding in the corners of our hearts.

It can be said that most of the troubles a person suffers throughout his life stem from the shadow left by the trauma of childhood— he always lives with a traumatized inner child.

For example, your wife, who likes all kinds of buying and buying, loves to stick to you, that's because her inner child is scarred.

We all know that early love from parents and unconditional satisfaction of children's needs can help children form a secure inner child.

And your wife, very early parents divorced, mother went out to work, left her to the elderly grandmother, father has never come to see her. So, her inner child is full of insecurities.

She loved to stick to you at that time because she had lacked the company of her parents since she was a child. So when she grows up, in the marriage relationship, she will behave particularly clingy and will check on you.

This kind of inner child who lacks companionship will also behave in a special way. She clearly longs to be intimate with you, but she wants to destroy the relationship. Feeling that you don't love her, you will even clamor for you to leave and get a divorce.

In fact, she is very afraid inside, and she very much wants you to accompany her, but because of the fear of distorting her behavior, she will say the opposite and act in the opposite way.

It should be said that she is bluffing. So when it comes to divorce, she will cry so sadly.

05

In addition to the lack of companionship, your wife also has an inner child who lacks love inside.

One manifestation of this lack of love is greed, she wants to possess everything.

So when she buys things, she buys more, whether it is clothes, bags, gadgets and cosmetics, it is the same.

In addition to your wife, greed is manifested in external material possession, and some people also manifest itself in eating.

Quietly tell you, I have had both performances.

Once I used to cook and cook, I also went to do more; buying things, buying gadgets, I also like to buy double portions, always afraid that the things I like are gone, I want to desperately possess; eating is also, I want to eat more, so I call fat fish.

Fortunately, I later learned about my own model through study, slowly corrected it, and now everything is as usual and I am no longer greedy.

What I want to tell you is that your wife is trying to make up for the missing feelings in her heart by buying and buying.

After getting these psychologically compensatory items, she will only be happy for a short time. After a while, the sense of satisfaction disappeared, her sense of lack returned, and she still had to buy and buy. So you still have conflicts.

Today to give you a psychological analysis of her, if you understand her, you will know how to appease her later.

Of course, your wife, a child with internal trauma, needs some time to repair. Because she had become accustomed to the existence of this inner child.

However, with my example, the fix is certainly not a problem.

After you understand, you can love her more and grow up with her. If you can't figure it out on your own, you can take her to someone more professional. This will help you and your marriage!