The failure of a marriage cannot be without a cause, and if the cause is not found and it is solved, then divorce is only the beginning of the problem, and it is by no means the end of the problem.
If the problem is always accompanied, life will certainly continue to go wrong, whether it is single life or remarriage.
Only by self-reflection and review can we seek change and see the parts of ourselves that need to grow and change. Therefore, the gap between people is often gradually opened from this point.
Don't blindly listen to other people's truths, that will always be someone else's truth, not tailor-made for you. But you can trigger your own thinking through other people's reasoning, or just learn from experience and improve yourself. Life, whether it is marriage or marriage, is not something that can be completed with only a passion.
The following is a summary of a female reader, in her 14 years of married life, what thunder has been stepped on.
Married for 14 years, divorced for a year, and summed up six painful lessons!
1. Try not to live with your in-laws.
If conditions permit, life must be separated, and the difference between the lives of the two generations is too great. There will always be contradictions between people, and mother-in-law and daughter-in-law do not have that special feeling to tolerate and tolerate each other, which can only lead to the infinite deposition of contradictions.
Occasionally see, will kiss can not be, the mother-in-law is a good mother-in-law, daughter-in-law is a good daughter-in-law. But living directly together, there must be places that are not accustomed to each other, and affect the content of getting along, coupled with getting closer, it is easy to lose measure and infinitely enlarge dissatisfaction.
So far away from the smell, even if the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will avoid positive conflicts, but you just can't help but complain to your husband, complaining, all kinds of trivial things, this must be a man does not like to listen, you force him to listen, but also think that he can be towards you, then he can not find a sense of ease at home.
2) Don't make yourself a neurotic.
Because I have been away from the workplace for a long time, the various senses of crisis that arise are actually too idle, so I must make my life full. Either you seek change, or you don't complain, or over time you will turn yourself into an incomprehensible neurosis.
Every day at home, he suffers from gains and losses, doubts, or always thinks wildly, takes all kinds of doubts and suspicions as evidence, and then habitually questions his husband, he must not be able to stand it.
Empathetically, you'll hate people like that too. Originally, two people have been together for a long time, they will feel tired, and you will make yourself a neurosis again, and you want to stay away from you.
3) Physical attraction is always important.
Don't be lazy with yourself, because the consequence of being lazy with yourself is that it will make men gradually lose interest in you. When a man's body begins to move away from you, then the mind must also move away from the body. Even if the novelty is gone, you still have a physical attraction to him, and that's what you do.
Don't think about what old husbands and wives, there is no need to clean up after yourself, and don't think that people who love you will naturally not love you, and people who don't love you will not love.
There are a lot of things that you can grasp, and for most men, sex is always the top priority in their lives. You must not throw cold water on him in this matter, or use this matter to punish him.
4, self-reliance is the most real thing.
As Yi Shu said: "It is impossible to rely on others in life and hope to be respected by others." ”
You can rely on men, but you can't rely on men, otherwise you will lose yourself and become an accessory to his life, then who will take you seriously. Dependence and attachment are two different things, the latter is equivalent to completely smashing oneself on the other's body, and from then on a hundred.
In addition, no one can take care of anyone for a lifetime, so you have to be self-reliant. The mountains will fall, the rivers will dry, only rely on yourself, do not stop growing. Because in essence, husband and wife are also cooperative partners, teammates, partners, no one wants to drag a burden all the time.
5) Don't be too nice to your husband.
It's a matter of human nature, and when you're too good to someone, over time that person will take it for granted. Unless you can always be as good to him, as long as you have a bad one, you will immediately deny all the good you had before, but unfortunately people can't do everything.
In addition, when you are too good to him, he will also invisibly enlarge the expectations of you, once you can not meet his expectations, there will be various emotions to vent at you, and even question you and deny you.
Originally, you loved him too much, and as a result, he would only hold on to your love, unscrupulously and do whatever he wanted, which obviously violated your original intention.
6, your kindness always has to bring some sharpness.
You can give anything you want, you can forgive anything wrong, and you are so good at talking, which is why others don't take you seriously, kind and real. So others are used to your generosity, accustomed to your kindness, accustomed to your reality, resulting in the lack of your weight.
Kindness is beautiful, but also to grow teeth, only in this way, can be kind to people, but also can protect themselves. Otherwise you can be bottomlessly kind to whom, and who can hurt you without a bottom line.
Softness without boundaries will only let the other party do whatever it wants, and unprincipled benevolence will only make the other party unscrupulous.
In married life, we must also consider the problem of human nature, marriage can not change the problem of human nature, in a sense, a large part of the contradictions between people are also the problems exposed by human nature.
What kind of people are people like? First of all, it is not an animal of absolute reason, but also vanity, selfishness, prejudice, greed, and so on.
The premise of running a good marriage must take into account that the partner is a person.
In fact, marriage is very simple, that is, a change of way of life, the reason why it is complicated, is because the problems of human nature are complex.
This way, it is not easy, try to give each other some responsibility, encounter problems is normal, but we can not escape the problem, the first step to solve the problem, is always to acknowledge the existence of the problem.
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