This is my personal experience in the society for more than twenty years: do not understand this unspoken rule of human nature, no matter how hard you try, you will not have a good popularity.
This unspoken rule of human nature refers to the fact that the matter of face is a big thing, and we must learn to save face for others!
1, everyone cherishes their own face
Whoever you have hurt may have long forgotten. But the person who was hurt by you will never forget you, he will never remember your merits.
A few years ago, GE faced an issue that needed to be dealt with carefully: removing Charles Steinmez from his position as head of the computing department. This man was a first-rate expert in electrical, but incompetent in his job as head of the computing department. So, let's take a dismissal order and remove him from his post? No, the company is indispensable to him; and he is particularly sensitive and easily agitated. In the end, the company gave him a new title. They made him a "General Electric Consultant Engineer"; the job was the same as before, but with a different title. At the same time, they cleverly put another suitable person in charge of the computing department. Steinmetz was very satisfied.
How important it is for him to save face. And we rarely think about this, we often ruthlessly strip others of face, hurt other people's self-esteem, erase other people's feelings, but self-righteous. We scold a child or subordinate in front of others, find mistakes, pick faults, and even make rough threats. But they rarely think about people's self-esteem. In fact, as long as you think calmly for a minute or two, say a word or two of understanding, and have a more lenient attitude towards others, you can reduce the harm to others. The outcome is very different.
Friends, in life, even if others make mistakes and prove that we are right, if we can't save face for others, then we will ruin a person.
Therefore, to change people without offending or causing resentment, giving face is the most effective way.
2. The two principles of giving face
Walking in society, you must understand the "face problem", otherwise improper handling will cause great trouble to your interpersonal relationships and career.
However, the "face problem" is very delicate, and most of the things related to face are not easy to say, and can only be experienced by themselves. So the "face problem" is difficult to deal with again? Otherwise, just grasp the two principles.
The first principle is negativity, that is, do not do things that "do not give face". For example:
Do not humiliate people in person, including colleagues, superiors, subordinates, friends, especially the humiliation of personal attacks;
If you have an opinion on someone, you should communicate privately, and don't expose it in person, so as not to make him unable to get off the stage;
Strong dragons do not suppress the head snake, do not cross the line to manage people's business;
Beat the dog to see the owner, do not humiliate the other party's subordinates because of their will;
When encountering the occasion of winning or losing, the subordinates are merciful and do not have to win too much;
"There are others in the heart", that is, there are superiors, elders, and masters, do not exceed your duty;
Don't rob others of their credit, and don't rob others of their opportunities.
……
In short, as long as you have respect for each other in your heart and think about each other, then you will not do the "faceless" thing. "Not giving face" is the most likely thing to cause right and wrong, so you must be careful.
The second principle is positive, that is, to take the initiative to "make face" to the other party, for example:
Say good things for the other party in front of colleagues, friends and superiors, and do public relations for him, but not too meaty, explicit, and deliberate;
The other party has a festive and takes the initiative to participate in the celebration in an appropriate way;
The other party has unspeakable suffering, does not move, and takes the initiative to solve it for him without being known to outsiders;
Properly blow him up, praise him, and help him establish his position in the crowd.
Similarly, the specific approach is not finished, in short, with the idea of "what can I do for the other party, let him have face" to do it.
These two principles, the former can avoid interpersonal problems, the latter can actively establish good interpersonal relationships, and your efforts will inevitably be rewarded.