Wen | Hou Fanfan (Author of Fushu)
The most advanced state of making friends is casual and not distant, intimate and not crossed the line, comfortable to get along with, and suitable for thickness and lightness.
Have you ever met such a person in your life?
Send a circle of friends, you don't like it, he will suspect that you are deliberately estranged.
The liquor bureau advises you to drink, and you really can't drink, but he complains that you don't give him face.
Make decisions for you, thinking that your relationship is so good that you don't need to discuss, completely disregarding your feelings.
Such friends, getting along is really tiring.
I once read a saying, "A good relationship is not about money, not about profit, not about distance, but about how comfortable you are." ”
A truly good friendship does not make people tired, but makes people feel like a spring breeze.
The most important thing in making friends is not that you come and go, not intimate, but comfortable with each other.
True friends are casual and not alienated
The old saying goes: "The friendship of a gentleman is as light as water, clinging to the image and seeking, and it is thousands of miles away." ”
This is the case with people's interactions, they can not interfere with each other, but they do not forget to worry about each other; the distance can be close and far, but there is no indifference.
Chen Daoming, a national first-class actor, although he has a lot of contacts, his social circle is simple, and there are only a few friends.
In the staggered entertainment industry, many people are busy expanding their networks, but he simplifies his contacts with friends and stays at home to read and practice.
He has no interest in inquiring into other people's private affairs, and he will not talk about his own affairs with others.
He also treated all his friends with a light and light attitude, including Manchu Wenjun.
Manchu Wenjun once became very popular with a song "Understand You", but his later life went straight downhill.
He said in an interview that during that downturn, friends who usually looked very close avoided it, and only Chen Daoming, who had a weak communication, sent text messages to comfort and encourage.
When he participated in the recording of "I Am a Singer", Chen Daoming also accompanied him to lose weight, fitness, and choose songs, and accompanied him through the trough of his life.
It's not so much that people worth interacting with are good at icing on the cake, but rather that real friends know how to send charcoal in the snow.
The more sincere your friends are, the more they will not deliberately embellish your friendship, but they will not hesitate when they need help.
Because of understanding, so casual; because of care, so not alienated.
Each of them is reassured and concerned about each other, which is the best interpretation of friendship.
A comfortable relationship is intimate without crossing the line
Bi Shumin once said: "Keeping a distance close is the most appropriate way to communicate." ”
Friendship that does not cross the line can endure; Only with a measured relationship can we flow for a long time.
Mo Yan and Yu Hua are not only peers and classmates, but also sleep together.
Not long ago, they participated in the online conference of "Life and Death Fatigue" together.
Mo Yan and Yu Hua recalled their friendship with each other, the two lived in a cramped hut, turned around to see their friends, and were so close that they almost didn't wear the same pair of pants with a toothpaste.
However, the two did not interfere in each other's writing career because they were close and had the same hobbies.
When they write in their dormitories, there is only a cabinet in the middle, and if the two look at each other, the inspiration is gone.
In order to improve the efficiency of writing, they had to hang a wall calendar in the middle, completely blocking the two.
True friends, no matter how close, will not easily cross the line, so that they can get along comfortably.
Zhou Guoping said: "The sense of proportion is a sign of mature love, and interpersonal communication must know how to abide by the necessary distance between people. ”
Behind the comfortable relationship is the maintenance of a sense of boundaries and the mastery of proportions, which is a kind of kindness for friends and a kind of help for friendship.
There is a popular saying on the Internet: "There is a ruler in speech, there is a degree of playfulness, there is more than enough to do things, and there is virtue in speaking." ”
Dealing with things properly and retaining decency for others is a comfortable relationship.
Cai Kangyong said: "Interpersonal relationships are the measures that people can continue to communicate with each other. ”
Therefore, there is a ruler in the heart and a degree in treating people. Friends can not cross the line, the measure can not be lost, there will be no gap between friends, anti-estrangement.
The best friendship is to get along comfortably, thick and light
There is a saying: "If the seasons are not enough, they do not know the cold and warm; people do not get along, they do not know the thickness." ”
Zeng Guofan had two close friends in his lifetime, Guo Songtao and Liu Rong.
When Zeng Guofan entered Beijing, the two friends were frequently frustrated, but Zeng Guofan did not look down on his friends, and still affirmed and appreciated the ambitions and talents of the two friends.
When the Taiping Rebellion broke out, it was precisely when the state employed people, and Zeng Guofan sent a letter to two friends, hoping to protect them.
But neither friend agreed, because their ambitions were not to become officials.
Although Zeng Guofan deeply regretted it, he respected his friend's wishes and had to give up.
The most comfortable way to get along is like this, friendship is always at the right time, people's hearts are always near and far, and friendship is always thick and light.
Writer Lu Sihao said in "May Someone Accompany You to the Turbulent Displacement":
"Some people standing in front of you are like crossing the Pacific Ocean, talking like mountains and mountains; some people are thousands of miles apart, there is no time difference, needless to say that they understand each other." 」
Only by sharing each other's minds and giving them proper respect can we understand each other's situation and then move forward and backward.
Needless to say, there is no demand, and the heart is clear, which is the most comfortable friendship.
I once read a question online: "The best friendship you've ever seen, what does it look like?" ”
There is an answer that is deeply popular, "Good friendships are close, appropriate, and very comfortable to get along."
Between friends, there must be a distance that is not far away, a suitable exchange between thick and light, and respect for putting oneself in the shoes of others, so that there is a comfortable friendship to get along.
In the comment area of the song "Friends", a netizen said:
"From strange to familiar, from acquaintance to acquaintance, dating is the process of continuous running-in between two people until they feel comfortable." If you have such a friend, then you must be the one who has been treated well by the years. ”
Lu Xun said: "It is enough to know oneself in life. ”
May you all find your best friends in life, even if you can't spend a lifetime together, you are willing to work together through a good time.
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