Wen | Wen Xiaowen (Rich Book Author)
There is a saying in "Human Disqualification": "No matter who is too enthusiastic about anyone, it will increase the probability of not being cherished." ”
In life, if you are too enthusiastic about anything and too pleasing to anyone, you will slowly lose your heart, lose yourself, complete others, and wronged yourself.
In fact, a lot of troubles are that people are not cool enough, everything takes into account the feelings of others, as everyone knows, this is not responsible for themselves.
The cool and thin person is not to refuse people thousands of miles away, but another interpretation of life after experiencing lead.
As Albert Camus said in The Outsider, "I fight the absurdity of the world with indifference." ”
Subject to unfriendly speculation, don't care if you don't want to
Long Yingtai said in "The Right to Beauty": "I don't have so much time and energy in my life to speculate on what others think and evaluate me. ”
Wanting to be popular with anyone and like yourself, so being careful to cater to others will end up tiring of yourself.
Maybe in the end, I please others, but also lose myself.
There was a painter who wanted to paint a painting that everyone liked, and after the painting was finished, he took the painting to the street and exhibited it, next to it: If you think there is something bad, please circle it.
As a result, the whole painting was painted in circles, and he began to doubt his ability to paint, and his heart was sad.
The next day he changed his approach, he drew another painting of the same, or put it on display on the street, this time, he asked others to circle the places he thought were wonderful.
As a result, the places that were previously accused of being inferior were drawn in a circle of praise.
He fell into contemplation: it turned out that no matter what he did, there were people who accused and some people appreciated, and he didn't have to care too much about the outside world's thoughts, and it was the most important thing to do well.
In the face of some unfriendly speculation, not caring, it will be much more relaxed.
Lu Xun also said: "Ignoring it is the greatest contempt." ”
Faye Wong can be said to be a legend in the entertainment industry, and has always been controversial by people, two marriages, two children, and a generous love affair in her forties.
Many people have talked about her life, accusing her of not being responsible for her children, only caring for herself, and never considering the impact on society.
But she never paid attention to these gossip, did not respond or explain, did not fear the eyes of the world, lived freely and freely, even if she was questioned, she only asked: "What does it have to do with you?" ”
Some people hate her to the bone, some people love her to the bone, for all the good and bad, Faye Wong has always been calm and idle to be herself.
As she sang in the lyrics: "Others absolutely love evil, good and bad, but I can ignore it." 」 ”
If we can't make everyone satisfied and deliberately please people, we will be suppressed to forget our original intentions, then we will never feel happy.
What we can do is to focus on meeting our own needs and live our attitude.
When you encounter something that is difficult to let go, if you don't want to forgive, you don't forgive
Guo Degang once said: "I quite hate the kind of person who makes you generous without knowing any situation, and this kind of person you have to stay away from him." ”
Once, the disciples carefully cultivated by Guo Degang later betrayed Guo Degang and broke with the Deyun Society, and even made a storm in the city for a time.
In an interview, the host revived the matter and asked Guo Degang if he had let go of the matter, to which he replied:
"I can never forgive those who have hurt me."
With the passage of time, the anger may dissipate and the memory will fade, but all it can heal is the skin trauma, and the pain of the heart like a knife will always warn you of the grievances you have suffered and the tribulations you have suffered.
Some things are not pursued, but do not represent forgiveness, but like Cai Kangyong said:
"That's not forgiveness, that's forgetfulness, it's not that I don't remember hate, it's not that I don't care, it's just that whenever I feel a faint pain in my heart, I can only tell myself to forget it." 」
There is a question on zhihu: Will you choose to forgive the person who hurt you?
There is a praiseworthy answer that pokes at people's hearts:
"The more a person lives, the more tired he becomes, often forcing himself to forgive too much, living without edges and corners. Some things pass without forgiving, some people become better without forgiveness, and some feelings can be saved without forgiveness. ”
If it is difficult to let go, there is no need to force yourself to forgive;
The pain that is difficult to forget, you don't have to force yourself to tolerate.
Zhang Shaohan was once under great pressure at work, and during his treatment in the hospital, his property was transferred by his mother, his reputation was smeared by his uncle, and his resources were taken away by his friends.
Betrayed by the loved ones, Zhang Shaohan fell into a cold winter of his career and a low point in his life.
But fortunately, her tenacious and indomitable personality and solid professional ability gave Zhang Shaohan the confidence to be reborn in Nirvana, and she gradually returned to the public's vision.
She has never forgotten the grievances she has suffered, and she also said that she will not forgive those who hurt her, because it is her strong self who led her to escape from the abyss.
After experiencing such a change, I think Zhang Shaohan also deeply understood the connotation of tolerance:
Will not choose to forgive easily, self-deception forgiveness will only make yourself miserable, will not be against the heart of gratitude and hurt, become strong and have nothing to do with others.
Not all mistakes are worth forgiving, and making yourself better is the best response to suffering.
When you encounter people who do not agree with the three views, they do not want to communicate and do not communicate
The I Ching has clouds: "Corresponding to the same voice, seeking the same qi." ”
That is to say, the same sound can resonate, the same smell will merge with each other, and two people coming together should have common pursuits and interests.
People who do not agree with the three views often carry a heavy burden on both sides, and after a long time, people will feel very tired, and the hearts of the two will gradually drift apart.
The "New Language of the World" records such a story: during the Three Kingdoms period, Guan Ning and Hua Xin were once friends, but their ambitions were different, Guan Ning loved to read, and Hua Xin coveted wealth.
Once, the two were hoeing grass in the garden, Guan Ning dug out a piece of gold, he was not moved, but Hua Xin wanted to take it for himself, Guan Ning scolded him, saying: A cultivated person should not take the money he has collected.
Another time, the two of them were sitting on a mat reading, when they suddenly heard gongs and drums beating outside.
Guan Ning turned a deaf ear to the noise and continued to pick up the book and read intently, but Hua Xin was attracted by this momentum and pomp, dropped the book, and hurriedly ran to join in the fun.
Guan Ning witnessed Hua Xin's deeds and could not suppress the disappointment in his heart, and when Hua Xin returned, Guan Ning took out a knife and cut the mat in half in front of him, and said to Hua Xin:
"The ambitions and interests of the two of us are so different. From now on, we will be like this cut grass mat, no longer friends. ”
Some people say: "The three views are different and respect each other, but if the three views are not in harmony, there is no need to know." ”
The difference between the three views is that I like Lin Daiyu, you like Xue Baochao, and the three views are not in harmony, I say Xue Baochao is cunning, and you say That Lin Daiyu is contrived.
Since they do not agree with each other's views and do not think of each other at the same height, there is no need to bother to speculate, there is no need to spend all their efforts to persuade, they can't see through it, and they can't get along and leave.
People who have three views fit, even if they are on different sides of the sky, can have a sharp mind;
People whose three views are incompatible, even if they are inseparable, will be incompatible.
Spend your time and energy on people who are happy with you.
Like-minded people get along sincerely, and if they look like each other, they part ways, and they don't have to invite too many people into their lives, otherwise the frequency will only increase their troubles.
Life is short, don't embarrass yourself, the three views are not in harmony, do not want to communicate, do not communicate, forget each other in the jianghu is the greatest respect.
Cai Kangyong said: "I don't think that being too warm is the best way to maintain a good relationship with others, and if you are bound by the word warmth, it is more difficult." I advise you to be a cold person, learn to be indifferent, and you can achieve warmth. ”
Cool and thin people seem to be unkind, but in fact, they live frankly, know how to listen to their own hearts, and please themselves.
Subject to unfriendly speculation, do not want to care, do not care, not humble;
When encountering things that are difficult to let go, if you don't want to forgive, you won't forgive, and you have no shame;
When encountering people who do not agree with the three views, they do not want to communicate, they do not communicate, simply and neatly.
May we all live freely, fearlessly, not bothered by mundane things, have the courage to break through the cocoon into a butterfly, and have the courage to turn around and leave.
Author's profile: Wen Xiaowen (rich book author), and 5 million people together to upgrade life cognition, this article source: rich small book, the copyright of this article belongs to rich book, unauthorized, may not be reproduced, infringement must be investigated
Note: The picture source of this article is online, if there is infringement, please contact to delete