Siyang Love Brain Corrector
For unmarried and married people to take a look at it, friendship tips, this content is very unpleasant, glass heart princess disease, not recommended to see.
I don't know why, it seems that there are many people who believe that marriage is a very beautiful thing, especially those who are not married, how do they feel that two people are married, they are stable, they can fight for the common goal, and then a lifetime of happiness, a hundred years of good union, this thing is appropriate.
But in fact, if you have been married long enough, you will understand the ideal of deep affection, and your marriage is very, very rare.
Sometimes I am also confused, whether there are more happy marriages, or more unhappy marriages, people who have been married, especially those who have been married for a long time, they will definitely know that life after marriage is very different from what was imagined before marriage, or even completely different, and there are too many inexplicable or even unspeakable grievances and pains in marriage.
It is as if someone said that there are all kinds of tolerable sins hidden in marriage, not to mention happiness, in order to let everyone reduce a little pain as much as possible in marriage, I put our ten years of experience in emotional counseling, in today's article to make a summary, I hope to give all girls a reference.
01
For many men, marriage is to solve the problem of the present, and for many women, marriage is to try to solve the problem of the future.
That is to say, if a man is now living well, with excellent ability, a lot of income, and unlimited prospects, then he will basically be afraid of marriage, the essence of fear of marriage is to be afraid of his own unwillingness, he feels that he may find better in the future, on the contrary, women, they hope that marriage can solve their worries about the future, so they always want to find a man who has everything at the moment.
Second, a woman says to a man, I am with you, I can't see the future, her meaning, often not because the man is not hard enough, not motivated enough, but the man's current can not make money, can not see the real meaning of the future is not to see the present.
Third, whether it is love or material, whether it is a door-to-door pair, or a parity, whether it is character or three views, love can guarantee that your happiness in two or three years will not even reach.
Material things can ensure a happy life, the door to the door and the interests of the world can ensure that there is no bullying and depreciation, character and three views, can ensure that the bottom line of harm to each other is not too cruel, but these can not ensure happiness, or even can not ensure that there will be no divorce.
There is only one thing that can ensure a happy marriage called the marriage ideal, that is, marriage is like a partnership company. You have to think very clearly about what the company's vision is, what is the mission, otherwise you find the best team to pay the highest salary, with the most enthusiastic interest, there is no way to make a good company.
Fourth, love is not happy, then do not get married, if you are not married, you feel that there are many problems in the other party, do not expect you to change the hearts of others after marriage, do not feel that you are a savior, can touch each other, can save each other, you forget it.
Fifth, if you feel that the other party does not love you enough, don't think of binding him with such a thing as marrying and having children, in fact, if the other party does not love you enough, marriage and children will eventually tie you up.
Sixth, for women, if you especially want to get married, especially want to be a housewife, then it means that your life has a big problem, you have to be wary of this kind of thinking.
Girls around the age of twenty-eight, if they do not live a full life, there is no expectation in this world, then basically will fall into anxiety and confusion, it is easy to hope that marriage to save their current predicament, in such a situation to get married, marriage is easy to have bitter consequences.
02
The second point, the part about marriage, right, marriage is like a dog cage, everyone who has had a dog knows, some dogs seem to be smart, they drill their own cages, and then they can close the door, he thinks that this is safe, but in fact, safety in this sense means being bound.
Marriage is like this, when you choose to get married for the sake of safety, after marriage, you will definitely lose your freedom due to insecurity, and you can even say that you rely on others or rely on the form of marriage to get a sense of security, he will definitely make you think of danger in peace, suspicious of ghosts, think of danger in peace, put a quotation mark.
Seventh, most women marry people, they are not married to men, but married to marriage, that is to say, men are not so important to them, but marriage is important to them, but the opposite fact is that marriage is not so important to men, for men, the important thing is that the woman is you.
So a woman has to choose a man for marriage, but a man chooses a woman but has to accept marriage, which is the fundamental basis for two people in marriage who cannot understand each other, and as a woman, I can only advise you, you are not married to love, you are married to a man, there are flesh and blood, shortcomings, cracks in the male.
Eighth, marriage infinitely magnifies people's desires, but also infinitely magnifies people's shortcomings and weaknesses, few people will blame their friends, but almost all people will blame their spouses.
The so-called amplification of desire is that once people get married, they want to completely possess each other, based on this possessiveness, nothing can be done right, the so-called amplification of shortcomings and weaknesses is the quarrel in marriage, in fact, are caused by those trivial things.
In fact, there are only a small part of the intersection between people, but marriage makes people think that the lives of two people can connect their lives, which is the root of all the pain of marriage.
Ninth, bad marriage consumes a lot of men's ideals and enthusiasm, but also consumes women's tenderness and patience, if a man is decadent and does not want to make progress, please do not rush to blame him first, this may also be related to a strong and domineering wife.
If a woman is impatient, sensitive, and has a bad temper, don't blame her in a hurry, maybe because she has a husband who is very bad in all aspects, so look for reasons from herself.
Tenth, in married life, don't think about who to live in, who to control, a lot of pain is how it comes, when you want to see each other, in fact, you are also looked at by the other party, just like the jailers and prisoners in the prison.
It seems that the prisoner is guarded by the jailer, the prisoner is not free, but in fact, the jailer is worried that the prisoner will run away and has to stare at it all the time, so in fact, the jailer is also guarded by the prisoner, in this relationship, no one is relaxed, no one is free, you are two living people, he really wants to do something, you can't sway.
Eleventh, we always think that love and a good material life is the guarantee of marital happiness, but in marriage, the most important thing is the friendship between husband and wife, I did not expect it, two people can talk, like-minded, so that marriage can go on happily.
If two people no longer want to share bittersweet and bittersweet, there is no friendship between the two of you, the marriage will begin to decline, and you do not know how to enjoy friendship, and you will only pursue love in the end, and in the end you will have nothing left, and the essence of love is short-lived.
Twelfth, we always emphasize how important it is to rely on sweetness and closeness in marriage, but in fact, in marriage, the right distance, the right space, this is the most important, for a person, freedom is the most precious, if you always try to suppress the freedom of the other party, who is dying.
Thirteenth, everyone has a cheating gene, just like everyone has the possibility of cancer, we must understand the dynamics and changes of human nature before marriage or even earlier, do not overestimate human nature, do not pin all of themselves on a person.
If that were the case, one day you would be betrayed, and you would be worse off than dead, so the wedding vows, the most absurd thing I've ever heard here, whatever is poverty or disease, whether it's old or sick, la-la-la,la-la, this kind of thing.
I think that from now on I can bear all the harm you have brought to me, and I am also ready for one day you will not love me, whether you have hurt my life, or destroyed my career, whether you have fallen in love with someone else, or betrayed me, I am ready to forgive you.
That's why I dare to ask you to get married, of course, if you say so at the wedding, you will be beaten to death by your mother-in-law, but what you say and listen to, you know, reality, you also have to know, you live after all.
Fourteenth, it is not because the marriage is not happy, it leads to a person's betrayal, many marriages seem to be happy, there will be betrayal, it can be said that this is a random injury, whether you look at his character, or personality, knowledge or ability, can not ensure that he will not betray you, this thing is only related to the moral bottom line.
Fifteenth, if the other party betrays you, the only way to do it is to endure, but please be sure to understand the person here, this person is not saying that you have to endure your pain and anger and continue to be with him, but you have to hold back your fear of divorce, that is to say, you have to endure the pain of cutting love.
Sixteenth, about the divorce part, with the development of society, divorce will eventually become a very common behavior, although we are trying to help everyone adjust the relationship and avoid this situation, but the objective data does not deceive people.
It can even be said that very few people may be spared, and divorce will teach us a truth, that if a person cannot be left alone, then he cannot perfect the relationship between two people, and the two of them will definitely pay a heavy and painful price for it.
Seventeenth, the divorce thing, he does not mean that new pain will come, but he represents that a period of pain is finally over. A marriage breaks down because of the loss of possibility, and after the breakdown, whether good or bad, you get a chance to re-draw the lottery.
Eighteenth, divorce does not represent the failure of marriage, the failure of marriage, more in a marriage, a person loses vitality, becomes mediocre, empty and boring, in the divorce, as quiet and decent as possible.
Especially for couples with children, after divorce, don't always think about what you have lost in this marriage, it will make you extremely miserable, you should think in reverse, what you have gained in this marriage, what you have learned.
If you don't get anything, if you don't learn anything, then you're not a failure in marriage, you're a failure as a person, and you don't get anything.
03
Well, finally, let's sum up, no matter how old you are, whether you are married or not, your most important identity is a person, and you have lived for yourself all your life, and you should not be greedy and angry.
The so-called greed is always hoping that others will love you, hoping that others can make you happy and happy, hoping to get something that does not belong to you, hoping that you can continue a marriage that the other party has not loved you, which is greed.
The so-called anger is anger, resentment, don't be angry, in fact, there is really nothing to be angry about, because you can leave a person who makes you unhappy at any time, it is you who crossed out this option yourself, isn't it, you hate him while gritting your teeth, and at the same time you want to spend the rest of your life with him, so greed and anger you account for.
Then the so-called delusion is to be unenlightened, obsessed, and lost in oneself. In marriage, you must often answer a question, who am I, you don't know what you are doing all day long, and when you suffer from gain and loss every day, you may be greedy and angry.
Living for yourself sounds like chicken soup, but it is the basic bottom line of being born as a human being, as long as he tramples on this bottom line, then he will definitely be trampled on by others, so don't always say that you are not happy about this and that.
Adults, life is out of their own, you can also change the way at any time, from now on.