He Suohuan, a writer of gender-emotional psychology, writes sentient stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
Regarding the "ambiguity" between the opposite sex, it reminds me of a passage from Soul Mate:
"The so-called soul mate is the person who is deeply connected to our heart, as if the communication between each other is not out of the deliberate effort of mortals, but by the guidance of the divine." 」
See a question on Zhihu: "Is there a true pure friendship between the opposite sex?" ”
One of the answers below is that heterosexual friendship exists when both people are in a higher moral code.
In fact, the relationship between men and women is mostly "ambiguous".
Taking a step forward will destroy ambiguous good feelings;
Take a step backwards, and not be reconciled.
I just want to selfishly occupy a certain position in the other person's mind, and I am reluctant to leave.
But the reality is that ambiguous relationships are illusions, only exist at a certain point in life, and will not last long.
-01
About ambiguity: above friendship, the state of lovers
What kind of relationship is "ambiguous" in the opposite sex?
It's roughly:
Compared with friendship, there is less sense of alienation, two people are more intimate, can talk about everything, can not say anything; except for the behavior between lovers, the rest can be done.
But compared with lovers, both people maintain their last sanity and are unwilling to cross the middle line.
Because they know each other:
The purest, the most beautiful, the most anticipated relationship is always a relationship during an ambiguous period.
Once two people have established a relationship, then the freshness begins to decrease until it gets lower and lower.
Ambiguity tends to go in two directions.
First: Maintain the status quo and restrain desires
One step forward is the relationship between lovers; one step backward means ending the relationship yourself.
So, the two men chose the middle path.
They are not willing to become lovers, and they are not willing to be ordinary friends; therefore, they choose to become each other's confidants of the opposite sex.
You can talk about everything and don't say anything; become the comfort of the other person's soul, give the best comfort and spiritual salvation to the other party.
Such an ambiguous relationship is like finding a "soul mate" in life.
Second: Stop ambiguous relationships
The feelings of two people gradually go flat and no longer contact, often because one person has entered the marriage.
When one person enters into marriage, the other falls into the trap of "love but not to be loved".
But regret turns to regret, and their relationship will eventually return to peace and return to their own lives.
Many years later, I will remember that there was once a person who entered his heart and spiritual world, but he also stopped there.
-02
Ambiguous relationships don't mean "fit together"
Do you know the state of "ambiguity" and why people are so fascinated?
It is because when two people are in an ambiguous state, the other person is the other you that you "fantasize" in your heart.
You think he's beautiful, has no flaws, and says and does things that always hit your heart.
In fact, this is just the beauty you imagined.
When you're really in a relationship and living together, you're going to overturn your beliefs.
When I was younger, I also met such "soul mates".
We share books, we share works, we share things in life.
We talk about writers, we talk about Borges, we talk about Haruki Murakami, we talk about Camus, we talk about Maugham; we talk about literature, we talk about poetry, we talk about film and television dramas.
I feel happy every day when I talk to each other, and when I go to bed, I look forward to the next day.
However, when we really walked into each other's lives, we found that everything was so bad.
I like to be alone, I like to stay at home, I like to be quiet, but she likes to be noisy, likes to be lively, likes to go outside every day to see the world.
As for living habits, there are also many deviations, which are completely different feelings from before we lived together.
After persisting for a while, we find that we cannot reconcile this difference and can only become spiritual confidants.
So we withdraw from ambiguous relationships.
You will find that the relationship between the opposite sex:
Whether you like it, whether you love each other, whether you are suitable, whether you can be together, these questions must be brought out separately, and cannot be generalized.
And if you want to maintain the "pure friendship" between you, you must have an emotional and intellectual sense of proportion.
Ambiguity is beautiful, but it is ultimately a flash in the pan.
After all, people have to return to reality and cannot live in dreams all the time.
Today's Topic:
How do you see the "ambiguous relationship" between the opposite sex?
(Article with picture source network)