The 51-year-old woman cried: "The soul mate who was married because of square dancing was the beginning of my nightmare

Want to ask female friends a question, after divorce or widowhood, will you choose to remarry?

This is a difficult question to answer, and only those who are in it can understand it.

For divorced women, the end of the last marriage means failure.

They will feel that now that they have experienced marriage, they should stop wading through this muddy water. Especially women who have been hurt by their ex-husbands, they will be afraid of marriage, it is more difficult to enter the marriage.

For widowed women, if they have a good relationship with their deceased husband, it is difficult to get out of this relationship and start a new relationship. If the feelings are not good, it is a relief, and it is difficult to enter the marriage again.

When will you expect something from marriage?

After about fifty years of age, after busy work, children have started a family, looking at the empty room, only to hear the sound of pots and pans colliding and the ticking of clocks on the wall, when they want to talk, they can't find anyone, which makes them envious of the families that are accompanied by husbands and wives.

No matter how old a woman is, she has a deep desire for love. In the past, I did not get married because I was afraid, so I buried my desire for love deep in my heart. Now I envy other couples because that longing finally can't be hidden.

I thought I had met my soul mate, but it was the beginning of my pain

This is the case with aunt Zhao, 51.

Aunt Zhao has been widowed for many years, and the husband in the past was not good to her, especially macho, housework is not done, children do not care, and there is less money.

Aunt Zhao went to work while running the family, sometimes she came home late after work, did not rush to make a meal in front of the man, the man split his head and covered his face and scolded her, and the fight seemed to eat her.

This kind of marriage, Aunt Zhao has lived nearly twenty years, and she has already lived enough.

After the unexpected death of her husband, Aunt Zhao was depressed for a while, and in order not to delay the children who were in the third year of high school, she struggled to get up from her grief and decided to work to earn money to provide for the children.

In the years when the child went to college, Aunt Zhao kept working, and part of the money earned every month was given to the child's living expenses, and part of it was saved for the child to marry his daughter-in-law.

The child understood things, asked Aunt Zhao if she had ever thought of remarrying, now remarriage is normal, he hopes that his mother will find someone who loves her and can be a companion in the second half of her life.

Before this, Aunt Zhao had never thought of remarrying, and in her opinion, a person's life was more elegant than marriage.

But as she grew older, especially when her children had their own small family after graduating from college and getting married, and did not often go home to see her, Aunt Zhao suddenly felt lonely.

For so many years, Aunt Zhao has been working in the supermarket in the county, and in the past six months, Aunt Zhao likes to go to the square in the town to dance when she comes home from work at night, thinking of being alone at home and being lonely, dancing with people is also lively.

Because of square dancing, Aunt Zhao met a man, who was widowed like her, the children were married, lived alone, and often went to the square to learn to dance with people.

One after the other, the two became familiar, and Aunt Zhao had a good feeling for men.

In Aunt Zhao's view, he was different from her former husband.

He's gentle and doesn't talk much, but as long as you speak, he can understand what you mean, and there will always be words to explain you; he will say caring things, such as telling her to pay attention to her body at work and not to be too tired of herself; he will quietly bring her gifts, sometimes a hairpin, sometimes a bag of fruit.

Later, the man confessed, and Aunt Zhao agreed, and planned when the two would go to get a license to get married.

After falling in love, Aunt Zhao has been immersed in happiness, thinking that she has met a soul mate, but men don't seem to think so.

After the two fell in love, Aunt Zhao moved to the man's house, close to the supermarket where she worked, and could often be together.

Not long after, the man took the grandson back, saying that the son was having a second child, the couple was too busy to take the child, and they had to help as elders.

At first, the man took the grandson during the day, and at night, Aunt Zhao came home from work to take over the child, and slowly, the man asked her to quit her job at the supermarket to concentrate on taking the grandson at home.

Aunt Zhao did not agree, and the man said that if you have me in your heart, you should listen to me.

Aunt Zhao was so high that she wanted to prove that she had him in her heart, and really quit her job to help men bring their grandchildren.

Men do not give her living expenses, buy clothes for children, buy toys, buy vegetables at home and other money is out of Aunt Zhao, Rao is like this, men can't move to say that she is not good for her grandson.

This twilight love broke Aunt Zhao's fantasy of remarriage, the two quarreled several times, aunt Zhao moved away from the man's house in a fit of anger, and the two broke off.

After the breakup, Aunt Zhao did not ease up for a long time, and others introduced her wife to her again, and she was eager to break off her friendship with someone.

Talking about the expectations for the future, Aunt Zhao said:

"I don't dare to look for it again, I'm not afraid to tell you jokes, I want pure love, but unfortunately I can't find it, that time hurt me ah, too painful." 」 Now that I want to open it, it is good to comfort myself to live alone. I found a job as a waiter in a hot pot restaurant, busy until late to work every day, go back to watch TV for a while and go to bed, square dancing is not dancing, very good. ”

Soul mates are not to be sought

Aunt Zhao was hurt by this twilight love.

A woman, dead husband has been no longer looking, afraid of not finding the man who is good to her, put the expectation of love in the bottom of her heart.

One day, I suddenly met a person who felt that I could accompany me for the rest of my life, looking forward to running out from the bottom of my heart, ignoring it, thinking that I had met a soul mate.

This is the simplicity of Aunt Zhao, and it is also the simplicity of most women.

Even if the years are no longer there, even if they have been hurt, they still retain the beautiful fantasy of love in their hearts.

But soul mate, how unattainable.

Just a period of acquaintance, a few more conversations with each other, a conversation between each other, a response to the conversation, occasionally someone caring, is this a soul mate?

If you think so, you're stupid.

People who can talk are not necessarily really able to talk, do you have a deep resonance in your soul? I'm afraid I haven't understood such a deep level.

You just happen to meet, have similar experiences, have the same state, can say a few more words than others, that's all.

Middle-aged and elderly people, really do not trust the "soul mate", pick a partner to focus on reality, because you can not see the soul of the other party.

What does a true soul mate look like? What level do you want to reach?

American psychotherapist Thomas Moore said:

A soul mate is a person with whom we feel deeply connected, as if communication and communication with each other is not out of the deliberate efforts of mortals, but by the guidance of God. This relationship is so important to the soul that it can be said that nothing is more precious in life.

Sociologist Teacher Li Yinhe, in her book "Li Yinhe Says Love", explained what a soul mate is:

A soul mate is two people with a very high degree of soul fit, you like her, she also likes you, she just likes what you like, your personalities will attract each other, the three views will be highly consistent, and almost all issues can be done without talking.

In short: souls suck each other up, have the same view, are like-minded, and hate each other.

However, to find such a person, it is difficult.

First of all, do you have a soul? Do you have a rich spiritual life? Even if you are alone, can you live a sweet life? Do you think, can you express yourself?

Second, do you have the power to love? Do you understand what love is, what is the state of loving someone, and what kind of self you want to maintain in love?

Finally, are you like-minded? Or is it just three meals a day in front of you?

If you want to find a soul mate, ask yourself these questions first, and you can understand whether you have such good luck to meet your soul mate.

Encountering a soul mate is really unattainable, and most people have never encountered it in their entire lives.

If you feel like you've met a soul mate, ask yourself if it's true or not.

There are several issues to consider when remarrying

When middle-aged and elderly people remarry, the biggest question is not whether you still believe in love, but whether you can focus on reality.

People who have had rich life experience, if they want to say that remarriage is only because of love, I am afraid that no one will believe it.

There are a few of the most realistic problems.

First, how is the family situation of both sides, how many children does the man have, and the children are married? How receptive are they to their father's remarriage? Will they ask a remarried father to bring him children?

How many children does a woman have? Is the child's attitude towards the mother's remarriage for or against? Are there any other disputes?

Reorganizing a family has a complex and large network of relationships, and it is not too late to understand the basic family situation and talk about anything else.

If the children of both parties are sensible, reasonable, and supportive of their parents' remarriage, they can bring their own children and maintain a certain sense of boundaries with their remarried parents.

Well, the marriage may go more smoothly.

Second, what are the needs of men to remarry? Women choose to remarry, nothing more than to find a dependency, in the next few decades can be someone to help each other to old age.

The purpose of men choosing to remarry is not so simple, the most common reason is:

Men feel that the family can not leave the woman, there must be a woman to help with housework, laundry and cooking, with grandchildren, there is a woman's home is called home.

If you only want to have a heart-wrenching reliance for the rest of your life, maybe this man is not suitable for you, because a man who only wants to use women as "nannies" is difficult to empathize with women and understand women's hardships.

After remarriage, you may encounter a situation similar to the previous marriage, and it is not too late to understand that it is not too late to take another step forward.

Third, how is the property of the two parties distributed? One of the reasons why many remarried couples are increasingly divergent is that they are not clear about money and always feel that they are taken advantage of by each other.

Therefore, before remarriage, we must explain the money clearly and discuss the money on the table with each other.

Do they spend their own money separately, or do they share the cost of living, but the deposits are kept separately? Whose house does it live in? How do I pay for a large item at home? Does a woman's housework need to be valued?

Wait a minute.

If you are more sensitive to money, then make it clear, make a good list of relevant plans, and follow this plan.

One of the purposes of remarriage should be to get by, not to find a soul mate.

I hope that the experience of the 51-year-old Aunt Zhao can give you some reminders, and I hope that middle-aged and elderly women will consider the three issues mentioned above when choosing a remarriage partner.

Don't waste years, don't let remarriage become your nightmare.