To feel comfortable in a relationship, be able to leave the relationship at any time

（1）

Someone's friends always last for a short time, and they are always in a position of being controlled and suppressed;

I don't understand, why does Fa Xiao suppress me?

We had the same elementary school, the same junior high school, and later the same high school, until we graduated from college, and our relationship was particularly good;

I have medium to upper grades and a slightly better family;

But she just couldn't see me well and never praised me.

She likes to suppress me and likes to use me as her foil;

Other people have dimples are beautiful, I have dimples but I am ridiculed outside the words.

She always had a fierce tone;

Let me look at my phone and say very politely: Look!

The voice is loud and the tone is condescending.

A normal walk will say in a reproachful tone: Where are you going?

Once in the library study, I sat across from her, the sun outside is very howl, I pulled the curtains up;

And she said, "What curtains are you pulling without the sun?"

The tone was very reproachful, and it seemed that I couldn't understand me at all, which made me feel very unhappy.

I have an umbrella, and one day there is no sun, and she repeatedly asks me to take the umbrella;

I didn't open it, she said again: I bought an umbrella and didn't use it, I don't know why you bought it...?

Once, she had a dress pulled in a pharmacy, very close to my house, and asked me to help get it back;

But then he said: Forget it, don't you take it, you can't do anything well, you certainly can't even find that pharmacy.

I had water in my head and got my clothes back the next day;

She said: Oh, you're not that stupid!

She was always loud, so she couldn't change her tone: You went wrong, right? Is it possible to lay down an umbrella? No sun, no need to pull the curtains, right?

There are so many such experiences;

He also said that it was tiring to be with me, and no one like me wanted to be friends with me.

Often this makes me feel inferior;

So much so that I am particularly humble in front of my friends now, afraid that others will leave me.

（2）

Often this happens initially because:

One is relatively gentle and good to talk to, while the other is relatively strong, always occupying the position of asking and dissatisfied in the relationship.

This type of so-called friend will satisfy his vanity by suppressing you;

Seeing that the people around you are better than yourself, this is very terrible selfishness, jealousy, hatred of the dark side of human nature;

You can be good, but you can't overtake me, you can't be better than me.

People tend to be very mean;

When you first met, you were polite and polite, and you couldn't figure out your hole cards;

Once you become more and more familiar, and secretly test your bottom line, you begin to have no fear.

Some people are more suitable for a person to be alone, and they will play with others for a short time;

It may be that they feel that it is difficult to teach friends, and this friendship is rare, and they will care very much;

And if you care too much about each other, you will not go far.

In relationships, friendships, the most important elements are equality, respect;

Words are not speculative, can not be respected, can not butterflies basic equal rights, such friends do not make friends;

Everyone is a passer-by in the life of others, including their own parents and family, brothers and sisters;

At the end of life, they are all lonely souls;

Therefore, there is no need to maintain the relationship without worrying about it.

You can make modest concessions, try to take the initiative to improve the relationship, and make some efforts for the relationship;

But don't let yourself be too aggrieved, don't let yourself live too hard, don't ignore your own needs.

In front of some types of people, it is better not to find out too much about their own details.

（3）

The relationship between people, except for the kind of old and dead that does not interact with each other, basically there will be several types;

Talk nonsense when you have time, give others an illusion, and the two have a good relationship;

In fact, the two people's hearts are 18,000 miles away.

On the surface, it always seems that they always do things together, eat, accompany, and give others a good relationship, but in fact, they are quite critical of each other in private;

Commonly known as the plastic sister flower type;

Then there is one who is always on top, always in the relationship in the demand, blame, control, while the other is flattering, humble, obedient, and endured again and again;

It's a very unbalanced and extremely uncomfortable relationship;

There is also a more ideal, two people appreciate each other, have common aspirations and interests;

Each has a high spiritual attainment and moral standard, and can sincerely praise and affirm each other;

This is the type of true friend, but the probability of encountering it is very low.

（4）

Any type of relationship or friendship is dynamic;

Very few can be held firm for decades.

There were four best friends, and everyone played for nearly a decade;

And after more than a decade, everyone's life circle has changed;

When we had dinner together again, we found that there was no common topic anymore, and everyone was awkward to talk;

Gradually, there is alienation, and there is no emotional intersection;

There was a rift in everyone's heart.

Sometimes two people do have a gap in their thoughts, interests, and they don't have to maintain a relationship;

For example, he is not yet married and does not have a boyfriend;

But a few girlfriends who grew up together in high school got on time and were already married and had children;

When they met together, these people were basically full of mother-in-law, husband and child rearing, as well as family conflicts;

Just listen to it yourself and deal with it;

The number of times, each time can not talk about what they are interested in, the relationship will slowly estrange.

When you choose to work hard to remedy, there seems to be no way to remedy;

After all, everyone's circle, the three views have changed, and there is no need to remedy;

In relationships, friendships, the most important elements are equality, respect;

Words are not speculative, cannot be respected, cannot obtain basic equal rights, and such friends are not friends;

Everyone is a passer-by in the life of others, including their own parents and family, brothers and sisters;

At the end of life, they are all lonely souls;

Therefore, there is no need to maintain the relationship and not to have any regrets about the loss.

Can only choose gratitude, understanding, respect;

Be grateful for encounters, understand differences and rifts, respect your own choices, and wish for all kinds of well-being in the future;

This responsibility cannot be attributed to anyone, but only to time, life, friendship itself.

（5）

It is not necessary to encounter true friend-type friendships at every stage of life;

Sometimes you only encounter and come into contact with plastic sister flowers;

At that moment, in that environment, there was no other more suitable playmate, and I didn't want to be alone, giving people the feeling of loneliness and no friends;

So, it's still time to deal with it;

Just know in your heart that you and the other party are only suitable for superficial exchanges, and you can't communicate with each other.

You can talk about eating, wearing, using, studying, everything that is obvious on the surface;

Be sure not to tell the other person about their intentions, thoughts, plans, likes and dislikes, especially their opinions about someone.

For extremely uncomfortable relationships, once two attempts cannot change the unequal position, it is necessary to resolutely alienate the relationship;

No more active contact with each other;

No longer take the initiative to chat with each other;

When eating together and walking, there is no longer nothing to say;

The other person can naturally feel the distance.

At most, contact only on necessary matters, maintaining a moderate distance;

At this time, the other party can recognize your value;

No conditions, no qualifications to command you, blame you;

If you want to continue to maintain a relationship with you, you need to change your way of doing things and attitudes a little.

If the other person doesn't change, then you don't have to consume yourself and maintain the relationship.

In the way of flattery and pandering, forcing the other party to accept their own goodwill, unable to exchange for the other party to treat themselves equally;

Only when we are no longer expecting, no longer pleasing, and are willing to give up the relationship, the other party is really willing to stop and observe our needs.

If you want to feel comfortable in a relationship, you must have the ability to dare to leave the relationship;

The ability to choose and maintain a relationship, but also the ability to give up and reject;

At this point, you really grasp the initiative, not just being chosen by the other party;

You can really choose each other and choose others;

Take the initiative to make choices, choose what you need, and give up what you don't need;

Live according to your own wishes, and you will feel comfortable.

(Author: Han Feng, MBA of East China Normal University/ Lyon Business School, Lyon Business School, European and American enterprise human resources director, if you read this article want to tell me your ideas, welcome to leave a message to me)