Author | Fan Deng Reading · Han Lu slightly
Anchor | Fan Deng Reading · Yang Gun Gun
There is a "circle law" in sociology, also known as the "150 law".
The number of people whose intelligence would allow humans to have a stable social circle is 148, rounded to about 150.
That is to say, the upper limit of the circle of friends at a certain stage is not more than one hundred.
When people reach middle age, the more they feel that the older they are, the smaller the circle of friends.
But it is inevitable that some friends, it is a pity to delete them, it is useless to stay, they dare not abandon them, and they are the most tired to get along with.
To this end, you may wish to do appropriate subtraction for the circle of friends.
How to break away from the circle of friends, these four unspoken rules cannot be ignored.
Ancients cloud: things are clustered in groups, and people are grouped.
Between people, between circles, sometimes it is so clear.
Emma in Flaubert's famous book Madame Bovary, after attending a lavish ball with her husband in the marquis, longed for high society.
So she borrowed eight thousand francs of jewelry from the merchant on credit, pretending to be a famous woman, intending to get a ticket to the aristocratic circle.
However, the Viscount, who had invited her to dance with her at the ball, was only on a whim;
Rodolph, the lord of the manor who had an affair with her, only coveted her beauty.
From beginning to end, no matter how much Emma covered up and could not whitewash the fact that she was only a mediocre woman, how could she be really seen by the upper class?
At the end of the novel, Emma is called upon by a merchant who owes jewelry on credit, and several lovers are refused to ask for help.
Disheartened, he committed suicide in despair.
Throughout the ages, circles have always been the boundaries of hierarchy.
If you want to fit into a circle, you can only improve your self-worth and energy.
When your strength has influence, you can have a stepping stone.
Otherwise, you can only return from the loss.
Gu Jia in "Thirty Only" has a decent economic foundation, but it is not enough to squeeze into the circle of rich wives.
But she tried her best to please them, thinking that in this way, they would become her connections.
In the end, they were deceived by their partnership and lost millions.
Any circle pays attention to identity and value, you are not heavy enough, even if you wander in various meals, you are happy to meet, there is no strength that can be exchanged, communicated, and shoulder to shoulder with them, no matter how hard you try to squeeze, you are an outsider.
On the contrary, in the long-term useless social networking, they will become more and more unable to see their own positioning.
Some people tend to fall into such self-blame, self-proclaimed as people who value feelings, and the "constant contact" that is said to be good has gradually become "no contact".
Ms. M and her college classmates have maintained a weekly gathering for many years, and this affection has made many people envious.
Last year, my classmates went to another city for work reasons.
Ms. M helplessly found that the tacit understanding they had gathered in the past week had gradually become a burden.
Rushing to two cities to meet, too hard to hurt money, unrealistic;
Occasional video calls, often falling silent and awkward, are now living in different circles and experiences, and it is difficult to have a common topic.
This kind of superficial intimacy, which lasted only half a year, broke.
But when Ms. M saw that the classmate's recent circle of friends had posted a new weekend friend, her heart still stung.
In fact, even the best relationship will fade.
The friendship that was originally without words, but later they ran to things, even if they missed occasionally, they could no longer find a reason to get together;
The brothers and sisters who originally grew up together later became their own families and could no longer be inseparable.
In this life, ushering in the delivery is the norm.
Perhaps, this is the process that life must go through.
Because of each person's different life trajectory, it is necessary to sail to different distances; it is precisely because of the distance and loss that people cherish the current encounter more.
After all, once some people say goodbye, they may see each other for the last time in their lives.
There was a topic on the Internet: When did you make up your mind to end a relationship?
One high-praise answer is:
When the relationship brings me far less energy than it consumes for me.
Not long ago, I was overwhelmed and blocked the WeChat of my former colleague Zhao Jie.
In the past six months, Sister Zhao often naged her husband at midnight that she would not go home at night, or hangover on the sofa when she came home;
Even during working hours, she didn't hesitate to complain to me about family chores.
Each time is 60 seconds of WeChat voice, or more than 30 minutes of phone calls.
After a period of time, I only said a few words of consolation, not enough to calm Sister Zhao's grievances;
I was also deeply affected, caught in the quagmire of negative energy, angry at every turn, and did not look good at anything.
Frequent conflicts with his family, but also almost because of the lack of control of emotions, lost an old customer who has been maintained for a long time.
In the "Letter of Zeng Guofan's Family", it is said: If the complaint is too much, there will be more suppression after that.
If you complain about the heavens for no reason, the heavens will not allow it, and if you are especially a person for no reason, then people will not obey, and the reason for induction will also be.
It means that those who complain too much will have more blocks in their lives.
If you complain about the heavens for no reason, the heavens will not agree; if you complain about people for no reason, people will not be convinced.
This is the inner cycle of "feeling" and "should".
Getting along with people who are full of "negative emotions" is often a disaster. If you don't stay away in time, you will fall into the abyss of emotions.
This also confirms the "law of emotional transfer" in psychology, where the emotions of a person and those around them will affect each other.
Fellowship with people with too much negative energy, not staying away in time, regret is too late.
Someone once did a survey where the final look of each person is the sum of the appearances of at least five of the last people around him, and they will subtly imperceptibly imperceptibly imperviously influence your behavior.
In short, a person's future is often intrinsically linked to the circle of friends they are in.
Flying with the birds, the sky is wide as far as the eye can see;
Fly low with the birds, and the heart is not only low clouds and shallow fog;
In the company of flies, it is inevitable that everywhere you go is filthy.
If you are not careful in making friends, you will bury the root of the curse. Only by choosing the true and good people to make friends, and choosing the true gentleman to deal with, can we help life.
Dudao Chen Daoming does not like to socialize, but he has a decades-long friendship with Ge You, a national first-class actor.
Although he and Ge You have very different personalities, they are all idiots and often ponder drama together.
Over the years, one of the two, the front foot won the Golden Eagle Award, and the other won the Golden Eagle Award on the back foot.
Even though Chen Daoming has many works of consecration, he does not dare to slack off for a day.
When filming "The First Half of My Life", without his role, Chen Daoming would also stand next to him and watch from the sidelines, and ask Ma Yili for advice:
"Our performance at that time has traces of that era, I come to see how you people who are in your right age acted, I came to learn." 」
The two have been friends and mentors along the way.
As Lincoln said: In a sense, what kind of friends you choose, what kind of life you choose.
Quality friends, often like a mirror, can make you not be wrapped up in the flow of desire, and constantly introspect and progress.
With self-disciplined people, you are most likely not free to wander; with the elite, you rarely do nothing.
The ancients had a saying: Choosing friends is the first meaning of life.
The success or failure of a lifetime is related to the merits of friends, and it is not to be careless.
When you are young, you are most likely to be kidnapped by the so-called human sophistication.
When people reach middle age, they slowly understand that their confidants and friends are only two or three, and it is useless to flood.
Unequal socialization may as well be abandoned; friends who do not contact each other should endure pain and give it up; negative energy relations should be decided.
Years of sand to see the true meaning, for the close friends who have been cherished all the way around them, click a "watching" bar ~ ~
It is precisely because of their companionship that this hasty life has not been wasted.
Author | Han Lu is slight, interpreting the hundred states of life with you, not stewing chicken soup, but warm and poking the center; not sharp, but directly attacking the essence.
Editor-in-Chief | A doctor
Typography | Zheng to the north
Music | Haneda Ryoko - Eiffel