Writer Liang Shiqiu said: "Only gods and beasts like to be lonely, and people want friends." ”
We are all ordinary people, we will not always be alone, we need to join the social family.
But how do you socialize? People of different ages need to master different principles.
After retirement, the following 6 unspoken rules of interpersonal communication, no one explicitly says, but very important.
01
About the workplace: Others admire your position, not you.
In the few days when you just retired, you were somewhat unaccustomed. Because when you are working, you have colleagues chatting with you, and there are also subordinates who say flattering things to you.
If you mix well, there are a lot of people who are stalking you. As soon as you open your mouth, someone applauds you, making you feel the joy of being "pampered".
Don't care. Any unit, who is missing, will be fine, even less of you, better.
Someone gives you a thumbs up, not to "you," but to your "location."
Iron camps, flowing soldiers. You leave the "position", that is, ordinary people, there will be no more people in the workplace, look up at you. Some people say a few flattering words, but also superficial enthusiasm, behind the scenes, maybe say a word - Oh, the people who were proud of their martial prowess at the beginning will also be worthless.
Put down the shelf and use the social rules of the ordinary people to interact with people, and your psychology will be balanced.
You have always been on top, looking very spirited, but in fact you have been isolated by other old people, or even abandoned.
02
About the family: Watching children go out to struggle is what parents should do.
Long Yingtai wrote in "Eye Sending": "I slowly and slowly learned that the so-called father-daughter mother-son relationship only means that your fate with him is that in this life and this life, you are constantly watching his back drift away. ”
No matter how capable you are, you can't fight for your children.
Helping to bring grandchildren, guarding the gates of their children's factories, and spending money to buy houses for their children, these things are not impossible, but they must be done according to their ability. At the critical time, you still have to keep a hand, don't spend the pension money, all spent.
The eagle will pick up the young eagle and throw it in the air, which is not cruel, but to force the children to spread their wings and fly high. It's brutal training.
When you see your children sweating like rain, don't be distressed, but encourage them and sweat more. At any age, sweating is better than tears.
When you can't walk, your children are your most important connections. Only sons and daughters who have the ability can be relied upon.
03
About love: cherish the original match, and be cautious in looking for twilight love.
In the "Old Age Life Newspaper", there is such a thing: Grandpa Deng and Grandma Yuan of Baimatai in Jiulongpo District, Chongqing. A few years ago, their wife passed away, and their lives suddenly lost their sustenance.
At a community social event, they met and decided to "live together."
During the day, they cook together, take to the streets together, and go home separately in the evening. Money, it has nothing to do with each other.
Grandpa Deng said that once, he suddenly became dizzy, fortunately the old woman was around and found out in time, otherwise, the consequences would be unimaginable. Now, their lives are happy and do not affect the family.
Zhou Xiaoyan, a professor of psychology and an expert on marital emotions, said that young people are very busy and have little time to spend with their parents. Partnering to live a life is also to improve the quality of life.
As the saying goes, "Husband and wife are still the original match." ”
In a way, twilight love is a relationship, not true love. People who can serve you until you are old may not be able to find them. A lot of twilight love, when one of them can't walk, the other person will quietly leave, and reality always gives us a hard blow.
It's not impossible to find love, but don't think of anyone as the only one. I'm old and can't stand all kinds of sadness.
04
About neighbors: meet and laugh, talk less about parents short, do not expose the ugliness of the family.
Every family has a difficult scripture to read. If you want to talk about family affairs, you can't finish it for two days and two nights, and most of the words are spit out.
Neighbor, look down and don't look up. If you think of your neighbor as a nobleman, you overestimate your place in the hearts of others. In many neighborhoods, neighbors go around a big bend, and they are not relatives, let alone friends. The level of the family is also uneven.
You take the initiative to recognize relatives with your neighbors, and others may not necessarily be willing.
If you treat your neighbor as a passerby, you ignore the role of your neighbor. When you have difficulties, the neighbor can at least help make a phone call and help you pick up something.
It is best to take the initiative to greet the neighbors and understand each other's family situation shallowly, but do not interfere in the lives of others, and do not mention the damage to the neighbor's family.
For example, if a neighbor gets divorced and the children are often scared to cry, you don't ask "why." It's hard for families to understand each other.
05
About relatives: not to visit the door at will, not to disturb is to respect.
When you retire, it does not mean that your relatives and friends are retired; you like to visit the door, eat and drink, does not mean that others will welcome you.
Don't say that people in the city don't like to visit the door, and people in the countryside don't like to visit the door less.
More and more rural relatives are going to the city to buy houses. Although the hukou is in the countryside, they have been influenced by the atmosphere of the city, and the mind and soul have been cultivated.
Every New Year's Festival, it is best to get together in a restaurant, go home for dinner, or forget it. If there are one or two guests in the house, it is OK; if you come to a dozen guests, it is a big trouble.
Don't bother with relatives, although the relationship is estranged, but they will be happy. The relatives who are really happy together are your own family.
Blood relations, also separated, close, do not generalize. If you retire and your life is not rich, your relatives will still look down on you; before you retire, your relatives ask you for help, and you don't do it, and your relatives will hate you. The human heart is complex and unsatisfactory.
06
About friends: Stay three or five confidants, enough.
Friends have more roads to go. That's what young people think. The elderly do not need too many friends, but also take the initiative to break off some friends who use each other.
In life, find a few "smelly" friends, often find fun together, kill time, and improve yourself, and the happiness index will increase.
Entering the social collective is not to let you have contact with all people, but to feel the beauty of society and make friends with reliable people.
The elderly, whose social relations are very complex, in fact, life is not good, but they will fall into social difficulties.
For example, there are often friends who invite them to eat and drink, spend a lot of money with gifts, and often get drunk and hurt.
There is fun in the old, and there is fun in the ambition.
07
"Buffett's Life Advice to His Children" wrote: "You only have one heart, only one body, you have to use it for a lifetime, if you regard your body as a good friend, never hurt him, you can be healthy and happy." 」 ”
After retirement, no matter who you associate with, be kind to yourself. Don't do anything that is laborious and unflattering, no matter who the other person is.
Interpersonal communication is essentially a heart-for-heart exchange. If you give your heart and feel a chill, turn around and leave.
Don't lose any enthusiasm, and don't waste your enthusiasm.
Author: Cloth coarse food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The illustrations in this article come from the Internet.