Some people say that life should use a little more "semi-sugarism". This is especially true for the people you love.
So what is "semi-sugarism"?
The so-called "semi-sugarism" is to give half of the love to the other party, and the other half to ourselves, in layman's terms, that is, to love others at the same time, but also to love ourselves.
Instead of giving all your love to each other, you blindly give it yourself. As someone once said, smart people never treat their other half by desperate efforts, but by loving themselves and others, which is also a secret to keeping a sense of freshness.
It is true that one party blindly pays, and in the end most of the gains are not cherished. It's like giving all his feelings to the other party and being willing to pay everything for the other person, in the eyes of outsiders, his feelings are real, and indeed he has paid a lot.
But in the eyes of the other party, your love is within reach, he can easily let you pay, then he will not cherish you, because as long as he wants to get what he wants from you at any time, there is no value of love.
But what we need to know is that what determines our feelings is not how good you are to him, but the way you treat him, which determines the direction and quality of our emotional development.
It's like the men and women in our lives have encountered such a problem, obviously I like him so much, I gave everything for him, but in the end why it ended in regret.
It's also because there's something wrong with the way we get along. People are sometimes really like this, and the better a person is to you, the more you will not cherish.
You may be moved at first, but when the time is long, you will feel as if he should pay like this. It's like someone with a flattering personality.
I remember watching a TV series with such a plot. The protagonist Xiao Mo in it is a person with this personality. In the workplace, his image belongs to the "old good man". He has always been careful with his colleagues, whether new or old. As long as they ask him for help, even if he is not willing to do something he will not refuse.
However, in exchange for this is not the respect of colleagues, but is marginalized by colleagues, kind, sincere consumption, dedicated to complete the colleague's request, but in the end it is taken for granted.
There is such a passage in the play that I remember very deeply, his colleagues around him are singing in KTV, and one person thought that there was something that had not been done, so he called Xiao Mo and asked her if she could help herself to make a ppt. At that time, Xiao Mo was already on his way home from work, and he still replied "yes."
However, he went to please in this way, but in exchange for not everyone's liking, but ignored and taken for granted, thinking that these were the things he should do.
This is actually very similar to our feelings, and love also needs to be measured. This degree is actually half love for yourself, half love for others.
You can't get the love of others by hurting and wronging yourself. Know that such love is not a good love. A truly good love should be evenly matched, not compromised.
Remember that a psychologist once proposed that interpersonal communication is essentially a process of social exchange, that is, we are looking for a balance in the process of communication, such as emotional, material or other balance.
More often than not, we hope that in the process of getting along, the efforts and gains are similar, at least not too different. And when this balance is broken, for a long time, people can not maintain their own psychological balance after all.
So you will think, I have paid so much for you, but I have gained so little, are you no longer in love with me, so this relationship will have problems.
After all, emotional relationships are ultimately interpersonal interactions. If you want to optimize interpersonal communication, then the mode of getting along between two people is especially important.
And the important factor that affects the mode of getting along is what you give to each other. At this time, we should pay attention to the fact that we should not easily give each other, know what kind of things to give to each other, and give each other a generous amount of money.
To put it bluntly, your efforts should make the other party feel that it is not easy to come by, so that the other party can cherish it. And the person who gives should understand your efforts and will respond to you. At the same time, you will not be stingy about giving.
Therefore, I will always emphasize that it is not that it is good to him, blindly paying, or really like or love. Love is not about who gives more to prove who loves the most.
Love should be balanced with each other, just as we learn the law of conservation of energy, so should love. Balance also needs to be struck so that it can continue to function properly.
That is to say, while you are good to him, you must also tell the other party that you should also have a response, not a person's effort. This is not to say that feelings need to be calculated.
What is said here is that the feelings of two people should be equal and pay each other. Be able to respond from time to time. Instead of one-way giving alone, love should be two-way.
And the best way to do this well is to learn "semi-sugarism". That is, half love yourself, half love others. As someone once said, the weaker party in the relationship is the suppressed party.
Therefore, love not only needs to be truly paid, but also needs to know some getting along routines, and "semi-sugarism" is a mode of getting along that you need to know. Finally, I also hope that everyone's feelings can get better and better.
Wen | Ming floating life
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