Text/Su Xin
Figure/ From the Network If there is infringement contact deleted
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Someone once said that if a person thinks about problems from different angles, then he sees a different world.
In life, we will always encounter such a problem, obviously for the good of the other party, but the other party is not appreciative, you thought you had done a good thing, but in the end it was self-defeating.
A friend's child is learning to play table tennis, because the child is more introverted and has not found a suitable coach. Once, a friend's colleague inadvertently mentioned a very good female table tennis coach, so after the colleague's introduction, the friend successfully found the right coach for the child.
In order to thank the colleague, the friend warmly invited her to dinner, but the colleague repeatedly refused, telling the friend that she had only done a show of hands and did not have to invite her to dinner.
But the friend felt that if it were not for the colleague's eagerness to help, she would not have met the right coach, so she had to drag the colleague to a big meal.
But one day, the friend overheard the colleague call his friend to complain, saying that his weight loss plan had failed again, and he had insisted on not eating for a week, but her plan was defeated by the meal, she was a very indisciplined person, since eating that meal, she could no longer control the temptation of food. She planned to lose ten pounds, and as a result, she increased her weight by 5 pounds.
The colleague's mouth was full of remorse and self-blame, and even some complained about the friend's forced banquet. After my friend listened, he understood that he had done something bad with good intentions.
It's nice that some people are invited to a big dinner, but it's not so happy for some people. If you really want to reward someone, you have to use the way she can accept and like it, and don't be self-righteous.
01
I have seen such a story that a person inadvertently rescued a stray cat, and after the stray cat was healed, he would give some gifts to that person every day, and these gifts were some small fish, mice and even small snakes.
At first, the man thought that someone was playing a prank with him, but later after watching the surveillance, he found that it was the stray cat who was repaying the favor, which made him cry and laugh.
In the eyes of the cat, small fish, mice and snakes are incomparable delicacies, and it thinks that humans are like it, and they like such delicacies, but they all know that these are things that humans hate and even fear.
And why aren't we sometimes self-righteous stray cats? Always care for others in their own way, to repay others, not really stand in the other person's point of view, do not know what the other party really wants.
There is a saying that goes like this: "Do not do to others what you do not want to do to yourself." "In fact, do not do to others what you want, for what you have wanted is not what he wants.
If you really want to give something to the other person, you have to give it in a way that the other person can accept, and give the other person what they really need.
For a while, it was a popular saying: "It is better to invite people to eat than to ask people to sweat." "This means that you spend a lot of money to invite people to eat and drink, it is better to send each other a fitness card, eat a delicious meal in addition to growing a body of fat, there is no benefit, and fitness is the most needed thing for a person."
To understand the other party, use the way he likes to repay him, which is the real reward.
Therefore, we must learn to think in a different position, know ourselves and know each other, in order to gain insight into people's hearts, in order to use the right way to please others.
02
A friend asked for help in the WeChat group, saying that she was angry with her child because of her studies, and had planned to take her family on a weekend trip, but her plan was all disrupted by the morning quarrel with the child.
The learning plan she made for the child was to get up in the morning to read in the morning, and then do an hour of reading and an hour of English listening, but the child was still thinking about last night's math problems, and she couldn't devote energy to morning reading, so she was angry and quarreled with the child.
Some people in the group said that no expert has said that the morning time must be used for morning reading, as long as it is within the specified time, the task that should be completed is already a good child, why do you have to emphasize the order of order.
However, she said that she had seen some learning methods, and she felt that her arrangement for her children in this way was the most reasonable and effective way of learning. She did not realize that the child has his own learning arrangement, what should be learned first and then learned, this is entirely up to his own will, if the parents forcibly interfere, it will only make the child more and more disgusted, more and more rebellious.
The contradiction between us and the child is roughly like this, the adult always self-righteously imposes his will on the child, regardless of whether the child has his own ideas, and regardless of his feelings, the result is like the above mother, the relationship with the child is getting worse and worse.
No one wants their life to be arranged by another person, no one wants to be a person who only obeys and does not think, and when we are forced to do something, we can do it well but do not want to do it.
Sometimes, we really should take it easy, let things and people develop according to his own laws, proper supervision is OK, but forced discipline will only backfire, it is better to leave it alone.
Forcibly giving, in the end, often brings pain and hurt to the other party.
03
Learn to think differently, and all the problems of interpersonal relationships will be solved.
I remember a psychology teacher once said, don't be afraid of the cracks in interpersonal relationships, as long as the method is right, all the cracks can be repaired. And the most effective way to do this is to learn to empathize.
For a while, girlfriends always looked at a female colleague in their company who was not pleasing to the eye, she said that the person liked to show herself, wanted to compete for the limelight in everything, and the company's benefits were taken advantage of by her.
The girlfriend walked past the colleague several times without speaking, saying that she was really not used to her. But later, she changed her mind, it turned out that she learned from elsewhere that a series of changes had occurred in the colleague's family, first the mother-in-law was seriously ill, and then the child was also sick, and for a while she could not bear the pressure, and even the work was difficult to carry out.
Later, a well-meaning person lent her a sum of money, which allowed her to solve her urgent needs and pass the difficulties. In order to repay the money, she worked hard and tried to make money, and she did not pay any attention to the discussion behind the scenes of others, and she only wanted to quickly return the money to the well-wisher.
After learning all this, the girlfriend's resentment disappeared in an instant, and she said that if this kind of thing happened to her, I am afraid that she would also be like that colleague, in order to make money and pay back the money, to go to the job that did not care.
It turns out that each of us is not easy, and if we have not experienced the suffering of others, we naturally do not understand some of their practices, but if we put ourselves in the other person's shoes and think, maybe we will no longer accuse and embarrass others.
Maybe, we can't empathize, but we can try to understand and respect others, behind all the behaviors that you think are incredible, there must be hidden reasons for her, so don't judge, even help and give, without others, don't judge, or even help and give.
END.