01
Little T has been very distressed lately because he is always late for work.
She has a characteristic that she works 5 days a week, and she will be late for about 3-4 days, and only 1-2 minutes late. Not a joke, really 1-2 minutes.
Deducting money for being late is something that everyone on the earth knows, and a colleague has asked her: Why is she always 1 or 2 minutes late? Can't you just go out earlier?
She said that no matter how early I was, I would always be late, as if I had been enchanted.
Asked her specifically, she said that except sometimes you can't get up early, most of the time it's already 5-10 minutes early, but the road conditions are always bad, and the car arrives at that time, and a little earlier is the same as going out on time. Or maybe the car you're going to take is a little late.
This one-minute late is known not only among colleagues, but also by managers who are not in direct charge.
In the end, the supervisor couldn't bear it anymore and warned her to fire her if she was found late again.
On the one hand, she was indignant, feeling that it was still the previous company, the attendance system was quite loose, and she would not deduct money if she was late; On the other hand, I feel very distressed and don't know how to arrive on time or even early.
02
Why am I late?
If you only consider the reasons at the level of consciousness, there must be various reasons for being late: waking up late, stuck in traffic, forgot, confused, and so on.
However, if you go deep into the inner world from these seemingly legitimate reasons, you often see a different picture, and those reasons are often used to rationalize their actions: to achieve some deep need in a late way.
Of course, this is not to say that all tardiness implies some subconscious impetus, but at least, it is often not as simple as it seems to be late often.
Arriving late often implies passive aggression, that is, passive resistance to scenes where direct aggression is not possible and fear of direct conflict. In this way, it is not only to find an outlet for inner attacks and grievances, but also to avoid imaginary direct conflicts, which is a process of internal processing and compromise.
Many people are always late for work or school, and they arrive very punctually: always 1-2 minutes later than the agreed time, upsetting you but not reproachful.
Moreover, most of these people have a good temper, and there is usually nothing to offend people. But the concept of time is not very strong, and even feel that it doesn't matter if you are late, it is a big deal to be said by the customer, the boss, or the big deal is to be scolded by the teacher.
They feel inwardly that they can accept this "worst" outcome, so they are not worried about being late. Because they don't have such worries, they occasionally make low-level mistakes such as being two minutes late, missing a flight, missing a train, etc.
People may understand this behavior as not paying attention to work (study) and ignoring the company's (school) regulations.
However, after the analysis of professional psychological counselors, it was found that habitual tardiness is more likely to be a psychological space problem: TA wants to stay in his own world and space as much as possible, and enter other people's territory as little as possible.
Because you have the final say in your own territory, but others have the final say on someone else's territory, you will suffer the pain of losing control.
The essence of the matter is actually power, and whoever is higher or lower has the final say.
03
At work, employees have to enter the space of the company or unit, and the boss or boss plays an authoritative role, and employees naturally enter the relationship between the leader and the led. If employees do not properly handle the issue of high and low power in the relationship, they will have resistance when entering the company or unit, but they may not be aware of this resistance.
If keeping a covenant is like expressing obedience to power, this experience is very bad.
Being late is their way of expressing dissatisfaction with others, which is a passive aggression.
When you go deep into the subconscious, you will find that most of these people have hidden and unexpressed anger towards their parents, and the frequent tardiness and procrastination behavior is a kind of confrontation and attack on parents.
"I'm going to be late, I have absolute control over this matter, and the boss can't help me if I'm upset." I can control when I'm late and get the feeling of luck arriving before the last minute of being late, like experiencing orgasm, and this whole process is played with my applause. ”
When a child has authoritative parents who are too demanding or too controlling, but do not have the ability to confront them head-on, they can only slowly develop procrastination methods in the process of growing up to counter authority.
When an employee is late, his subconscious "controls" the boss in this way, just as he wanted to control his parents in his early childhood. In order to make up for the anxiety of not being able to control parents and not being able to control their own destiny in the early years.
Such people generally have deep, unexpressible anger towards their parents.
If we can express and release the suppressed anger in a safe and accepted psychological counseling environment, we will find that the behavior of TA to abide by the rules at work will gradually increase, and the work efficiency will be greatly improved. Because TA no longer suppresses himself and can express anger, he no longer needs to express his inner dissatisfaction in a passive-aggressive way.
04
In fact, not only in daily life, but also in the process of psychological counseling, we have also seen all kinds of lateness.
Fifty-minute interviews, someone can keep a "record" of being 2 minutes late each time;
Someone can be 45 minutes late and only come to the counseling room before the end, although they are very anxious and apprehensive, but seeing the counselor waiting in the counseling room according to the rules of psychological counseling, TA's mood begins to calm down;
Some people feel strong guilt about the counselor for being late; Some people blame the consultant for being late and arranging the time that is problematic and unreasonable;
Someone is late but feels more comfortable because he feels that he should not cause too much trouble to the counselor, and should let the counselor take a break;
Someone is late for fear of starting to attach themselves to a counselor; Someone is late because they are angry with the counselor ...
Although there are various reasons for these tardiness, in fact, almost all of them have potential meanings in the eyes of the counselor, whether it is anger, or dissatisfaction, or guilt. Moreover, these lateness is actually a reflection of the way the parties deal with interpersonal relationships.
If the inner meaning and emotions can be slowly understood and seen through the clarification and interpretation of the counselor in the process of psychological counseling, the interpersonal relationship handling of TA will be changed in the relationship with the counselor, which not only greatly helps the physical and mental health of the parties, but also has a very positive impact on their own life, work, and interpersonal relationships.