Once on Weibo, I saw such a hot topic: # Circle of friends will increase your anxiety? #
One of the high praises replied:
"It brings anxiety because it feels like everyone else is doing better than me."
Deeply.
When you stay up late and work overtime, you still have to worry about your livelihood, and others travel around, relaxed and comfortable; when you save money and barely maintain your expenses, and others dry their cars and dry their houses, when they are bright and beautiful; when they are over thirty years old, they are entangled in marriage, and others have already had a family of three, and they are happy and harmonious...
Inevitably, people will always feel that no matter whose life in the circle of friends, it seems to be more wonderful than their own.
But is that really the case?
01
What you see is not necessarily the whole of him
Every time I go back to my hometown, I can always hear some relatives and neighbors saying:
"I really envy you college students, sitting in the office every day, the wind can't blow or rain, and the work is still easy."
I don't know how to respond every time.
I would like to tell them that in fact, my work pressure is also very large, I need to go out and run, regardless of the wind and the sun; overtime is almost the norm, even if it is a holiday, even if it is not enough to eat; because the daytime work is too tight, often insomnia at night, sometimes need to rely on drugs to fall asleep...
But all this may be insignificant in their eyes.
We have to admit that the emotions between people are not communicable, even if everyone is experiencing the same thing, due to different individuals, different mentalities, the feelings obtained may be completely different, not to mention, without personal experience, can not feel empathy.
Therefore, we always feel that other people's lives are quiet and good, and we only have our own chicken feathers.
Zhu Deyong once drew such a set of cartoons, and a little girl thought that she was the most unfortunate person in the world and decided to jump from the 11th floor, but in the process, she saw:
(Can be swiped down to view)
At that moment, she understood that she was not the most unlucky person in the world, and even after seeing what happened to them, she suddenly felt that she was doing well, but it was too late.
We are always like this, habitually magnifying our own pain while adding beautiful filters to other people's lives.
Finally, from the circle of friends, it is concluded:
"It turns out that I am not as good as anyone else."
But you will never know how much suffering in life you see in the circle of friends has been dropped by people.
In the world, no one can get something for nothing, and no one is happy, when you look up to the happiness of others, please do not ignore the same efforts and bitterness behind them.
02
No matter how good other people's looks, it is a void
In the TV series "Please Answer 1988", there is such a clip:
Deshan's mother and husband went to the restaurant to eat noodles, and she saw a couple at the next table, and the man had been giving the woman a dish and often wiped her mouth. And his husband, unmoved, was extremely embarrassed to eat.
Mother Deshan was momentarily lost.
Coming out of the restaurant, it was raining heavily outside. Mother Deshan's umbrella was taken by the guest by mistake, and she had to take the other umbrella left at the door.
Thought:
"You can't change a husband, you can still change an umbrella."
After opening it, it was found that the umbrella had broken a large hole. She stood helplessly in the doorway, and her husband turned back to her and said:
"No matter how good other people's looks, it's all empty."
The reality is exactly like this, those beautiful photos in the circle of friends, maybe P figure P for an hour, those who look very popular Internet red shops, may not be delicious, those who add famous brands, may spend credit card bills high...
The world we see is just what we choose to see, and behind every glamorous beauty, there may be an unknown mess.
So, are you still sure that the good things of others are the ones you want in life?
In fact, where there are so many perfections in life, it is already a great fortune to be able to account for one or two things, and imperfection is the norm in life. It is more joyful than blindly envying others and seeing and cherishing the happiness they have.
03
There's always someone secretly envious of you
In life, you must have experienced such a scene:
When you are touched by your boyfriend's Valentine's Day wishes, you see that your girlfriend has sunbathed the gifts carefully prepared for her by the object, and suddenly become lost;
When you are happy about the salary you just got, you learn that your colleagues in the same position have received more than you, and you suddenly feel angry...
In psychology, this is called "relative deprivation."
This means that when people compare their situation with a certain standard or reference, they find themselves at a disadvantage, and they will have a "sense of deprivation". This feeling can cause people to have negative emotions, so that the original good things are eclipsed by comparison.
This is precisely the greatest misfortune of a person: he is having it, but he does not know how to cherish it.
"Looking at your circle of friends, I think you're having a better life than me, or not doing well."
In fact, both of these evaluations have fallen into the trap of "comparison".
Life, do yourself well, is wonderful enough. Instead of focusing on the life in other people's circle of friends, it is better to work hard to improve yourself and live your own life.
Of course, this does not mean that everything must be resigned to. Contentment is always happy, the focus is on pleasure, and understanding contentment. Compare less, cherish more, stay away from the people and things that make you miserable, work hard in the direction you want, and you will be happy.
Life is like a glass of boiled water, don't envy other people's drinks with various flavors, in fact, there is no quenching of your thirst. No matter how happy others are, the happiest thing about you is who you are now.
Is that right?