After the mother gave birth to the second child, the boss was blind: the truth made 90 million parents sad

Source | Fei MoOC (ID: feimooc)

After giving birth to a second child, it is very common for parents to be unable to level a bowl of water.

At this point, my advice is:

"If you want to fundamentally solve the problem of the second child, you must 'favor' Dabao from the beginning!"

01

Why do you deliberately "eccentricize" the boss at the beginning?

I remember when my sister was pregnant for the second time, my little nephew was the same as Jasper.

Gleefully awaiting the arrival of his younger siblings.

The eldest performance shows that the parents' education is qualified, giving the children enough trust and security, they believe that even if they have younger siblings, they are still pampered, so they can be accepted.

However, after the birth of the second treasure, the situation was different.

After Chen Xiaochun and Ying Cai'er went to the hospital, Jasper was not so happy to see that his parents had gone to meet the baby, he seemed to be a little "depressed", and called his father to ask what was jealous, and when his parents came home, he became very little talking.

This is also consistent with the performance of my little nephew.

On the first day that Erbao returned home after birth, he was not happy.

On that day, everyone looked around at Xiaobao and praised Xiaobao for being cute.

The little nephew himself went to the corner and sat down, looking at the bedroom from time to time.

I went over and asked him what he was doing, and he leaned over to my ear and asked, "Am I not as cute as her?" ”

I said that you are just as cute, but the words I said in my mouth are obviously not the top, and the child cares about whether the parents think so.

From that day on, he, who had been very sensible, became a jerk.

He had already been separated from the bed, he had to sleep with his parents, cry if he didn't let him, and had to toss and turn every night to sleep.

It's annoying to say that my sister is ugly and smelly.

When you are happy, you turn a blind eye to your sister, and when you are unhappy, you slap your head.

And after the fight, I don't regret it, the more I scold, the harder my mouth is, and I say that I hate my sister the most.

At that time, my sister especially did not understand, saying that before giving birth to the second child, she said it well, how did he regret it when he was born?

In fact, when we first gave birth to a second child, we should prefer Dabao.

Because Dabao couldn't understand finding a companion for him, he couldn't remember that when he was still a baby, he also got such careful care from his parents.

He only saw that before, everyone was around him alone, but now no one paid attention to him, and everyone only cared about Xiao Bao.

Mom and Dad saw Xiao Bao crying, so they rushed to see it, and they cried no longer in time for someone to check.

In the past, everything in the family was his own, but now he bought a bunch of things for Xiaobao, but he didn't have anything.

What's even more excessive is that because Xiao Bao, a guy who plays a pig and eats a tiger, can't speak loudly himself.

In Dabao's eyes, the feeling of parents giving birth to a second child and coming back.

It is equivalent to your husband saying, I really love you, no one can change your position in my heart, so now I marry another daughter-in-law back, and the three of us want to love each other and live together.

It's strange that you can love each other!

After Mei Ting returned home with her newborn second son, her sister's reaction was typical.

I once saw a piece of news that pushed the second child problem to the extreme.

This girl felt neglected by her parents for a long time and suffered from hysterical blindness...

If you can't see something, will you get more attention from your parents?

Doctors said that after the opening of the second child, more and more children with hysterical blindness have been born.

My colleague is experiencing similar problems, and just a year after having a second child, the eldest has a bunch of problems.

For example, mechanical shaking, nervous blinking, especially hard.

Took my daughter to the doctor, and the doctor also said that there was no problem with the eyes, but what was the child's convulsions?

It turns out that it may be caused by a long-term lack of attention and frequent reprimands and scolding.

Dabao does not accept the second treasure, it should be.

We can't ask for a younger sibling, and Dabao suddenly becomes gentle and frugal, because he is only a child!

Instead, I should deliberately remind myself, have I neglected Dabao today?

Deliberately divert your energy from Xiao Bao for a while to pay attention to Dabao's emotions.

02

The shortcut to raising a second child is to give Dabao enough love

The emperor loves the eldest son, and the people love the children.

This is a very common phenomenon.

Because the second is too young, he naturally occupies most of the parents' energy, plus, the child is smaller and more cute, this is due to human evolution, babies are too fragile, without protection can not survive, so they have innocent and cute faces, so that parents can see it with pity and pay attention to their needs.

But we should know that when we see the second eldest, I feel that my fatigue of the day has dissipated and I am very happy.

Don't forget to go and see the boss that makes you feel unconscious, disobedient, and has a headache.

If a child cannot give love to a child who is weaker than himself, it means that he himself has not received enough love, and he is lacking.

If a child has a hundred candies in his hand, he will not mind sharing, but if he only has one, no one is entitled to let him share, otherwise the child is too miserable, already lacking, and blackmailed.

When my sister was upset about my little nephew's sudden unreasonable state, I told him, or do you try to rely on him?

When he asks to sleep together, you and your husband and wife will take one out to sleep with him, take him out to play when he thinks his sister is noisy, and tell him stories when he wants to hear them, not because his sister counts him down, nor because his sister beats him.

Because all his demondom is just to confirm that his parents love him.

When he confirmed this, he would not be so hostile to his sister.

Sure enough, since then, my sister has been unusual, when he wants to tell a story, not impatiently let him wait, but while feeding his sister, while telling him, and when he is finished, tell him, my mother really likes to tell you stories, but can we tell you later after my sister is asleep, don't let her delay our business.

When he didn't want to practice and suspected his sister of being noisy, instead of reprimanding him for not paying attention and blaming others, he held his sister out for a while, and then came back when he was done practicing.

I remembered that Dabao had said before that all day express delivery is my sister's things, there is no mine, so when I buy something for The Second Treasure, I will tell Dabao in advance, my sister was born not long ago, there are too many things needed, if you have the clothes you want, we go out shopping together on the weekend to buy it?

In the days that followed, everything was based on Dabao's feelings, eating things for Dabao to distribute, buying toys for Dabao to distribute, and making choices to seek Dabao's opinions.

So less than a year, Dabao loves his sister so much that he can't love it, he comes home from school all day to find his sister, delicious to keep for his sister, and he is not angry when he is pushed down by his sister, but he sighs helplessly and takes his sister out.

In fact, what children want is not the love of exclusive parents.

Rather, it is confirmation that you are loved.

When Dabao got enough love, he had the strength to love Erbao.

03

Parents, can you be unbiased?

In a two-child family, eccentricity is a sensitive word.

Everyone wants a bowl of water to be flat.

But perhaps eccentricity is the norm.

A university study at the University of California shows that 65% of mothers and 79% of fathers will unconsciously have a special preference for a child.

This may not be subject to the personal will of the parents.

For example, in "Please Answer 1988".

The second daughter Deshan, often neglected, there are only two eggs in the family, give the sister and brother a poached egg, give Deshan to eat pickled beans, buy a whole fried chicken, sister and brother a chicken leg, Deshan no, from childhood to adulthood has never had their own birthday, are to sing the birthday song to the sister, pull out three candles, and sing to Deshan again.

She was lost and sad, but she had been stoic, and once in a while, her parents were particularly surprised, saying that they did not know and asking for her forgiveness.

However, apologies continue to be ignored.

The warm gas in the house leaked, and the couple was relieved after carrying their sister and brother out, and they didn't remember that there was a second daughter in the house, and she climbed out by herself.

This phenomenon must not be unfamiliar to families with many children.

There will always be children who are favored, and there will always be children who will be wronged in their hearts.

Parents want to avoid it, but it is extremely difficult to do so.

04

Good parents will give each child the love that belongs exclusively

In fact, deshan has not grown crooked in the long-term neglect, because she also has a special favor.

Parents are sometimes eccentric, but they are definitely good parents.

When encountering things about her, she will also do her best to give enough favoritism.

For example, if she wants to enter the university, her mother will help her tell her fortunes, and when she hears that she can be admitted to college by changing her name, she will immediately change her name and correct everyone's slip of the tongue.

Knowing that she did not study well, nor did she insist, but could see her strengths and never skimp on praise.

Just like Liang Qichao, he had 9 children in his lifetime, each with extraordinary achievements.

Three academicians in one discipline, full of talents.

He simply couldn't give every child the same, unbiased love.

There is no need to give exactly the same.

Because he gives to every child, there is a preference.

He gave love to every child.

To the eldest daughter Liang Sishun called Xian Er and my baby Si Shun, when writing to the eldest daughter, they are all called babies, he will say: "Baby Si Shun, I now go home and see many little babies, forget that there is still your big baby, just send three fun little photos to your three little babies." ”

These three little babies refer to the children of his daughters, and at the same time, the daughter will always be treasures in his heart.

When the eldest son got married, he said, "If you get married in church, Sicheng's name will use my full name, indicating that you will inherit all my personality and reputation as the eldest son."

He said to the second daughter, Liang Sizhuang, "Little Baby Zhuangzhuang, I think you think very much, so I will frame this proud work into a small and exquisite hand scroll and send it to you." ”

For the fifth son, Liang Sili, is called Old White Nose (Old Baby in English).

By analogy, he gives each child the most special love, gives him his own nickname, and provides them with future advice according to their personality and characteristics.

He made every child feel that he was the only father and the only love he had received.

Although Liang Qichao is very busy and has many children, he must not give each child much companionship, but the companionship he gives to each child is special and belongs to one person.

In parenting, we don't necessarily struggle too much with a bowl of water, and we are not even.

As long as you can do it, when you first have a second child, you will prefer and pay more attention to the boss, so that the boss has enough security to love his younger brothers and sisters.

Then, Xiao Bao is older and begins to compete for favors, paying attention to giving him the time and love that belongs to him according to the personality characteristics of each child.

Enough is enough.