Mother's Day, talk about the selfishness of Chinese parents

Mother's Day should praise maternal love, but we may wish to think backwards and examine the "purity" of Chinese father-love and mother-in-law love from the perspective of children.

Learn maternal love from eagles

After a difficult hatching, the kitty chicks burst out of their shells. The mother eagle took back the food and fed it carefully, and the eaglet grew plump, but still coveted the warm nest.

At this time, the mother eagle will mercilessly peck the eagle with her sharp beak. If the kitten shrinks into the nest, she will mercilessly stir the nest, causing the soft feathered grass to fall, revealing the sharp stones and thorns at the bottom of the nest, so that the eaglet can only flutter its wings and fly out of the nest.

The kitten hovered outside the nest, wailing as if to plead: Mom, let me go home. But the mother eagle flew up to drive the children away, making them spread their wings wider and higher, until the children flew farther and farther

Why is Mother Eagle so "ruthless"? Because she understands that unprincipled "love" only makes children into waste, she understands another name for "love.".

Naran Zeyun, Yangcheng Evening News, March 2, 2012

Children's education is the most headache for many families, which makes many parents feel sad and even blind. In contrast, in the animal kingdom, education goes with nature and comes naturally, and the so-called avenue is simple. Why is it that the spirit of human beings at the highest end of the food chain have the ability and realm of educating their children less than ordinary animals?

The reason: Human parents are too "selfless"! Humans are the only animals on earth that allow their children to return home! Human parents are too "selfish" again! Humans are the only animals on earth that expect their children to retire!

Among human parents, Chinese parents are an alternative group. Say selfless, they are the most selfless parents under the sky; say selfish, they are the most selfish parents under the sky, but they do not perceive, or perceive but do not want to admit.

In 2007, the mother of a zoo in Kunming rescued her daughter, and the smellers were all moved. Saving lives and saving children is also common in the animal world, due to the genetic code that controls the reproduction of species. Father's love and mother's love are the most selfless love under the heavens, but because this is the instinct and necessity of human nature, it does not need to be warmly praised by a big book.

Chinese parents need to be examined more selfishly.

First, emotional selfishness

An eldest sister visited her daughter in the United States and called me when she returned and said, "My daughter is very comfortable living in the United States and is very happy at work. I really regret that I should have let her out earlier. ”

When my daughter was in high school, the whole family talked to me about their intentions to stay in the United States. The technical path is simple, but the parents' eye circles are red, and the daughter shed tears for a while. At that time, the scene simply had a feeling of life and death. When my daughter was in the third year of communication university of China, the whole family discussed staying in the United States with me. I said that when the children are older, they don't have to worry as much as when they planned to go to undergraduate. However, the whole family's eyes were red again. After graduating from graduate school and working at CCTV for a year, my daughter contacted me: "Teacher Shi, I am not willing, I still want to go out." You help me with the work of being a parent. ”

We ask our children to be closer to college, preferably locally. In case you are admitted to a foreign country, you must return to your hometown after graduation. Choosing a profession, finding a job, finding a partner, we have to make decisions for our children. We can buy a house for our children in the same neighborhood, and we can work hard to bring children to our children, but we hope that children, even children's children, will always be with us until the sky is old.

Strong family affection makes people move. In the thick family affection, there is a strong sense of selfishness.

"My subordinate daughter has been admitted to Tsinghua, and if you don't want to enter a good university, I can't lift my head in the unit."

"Mom and Dad didn't go to college that year, because they didn't have a degree and then suffered a lot of losses. If our family wants to turn over, it's all up to you. ”

Words like that we hear a lot. Everyone has their own life, and everyone's success and happiness have their own definitions. Is it reasonable to compare other people's children and force their "attempted" college dreams and Guangzong Yaozu dreams on their children? The result? Can a vain father and mother gain the respect of their children?

Second, the selfishness of time

There is a classic about education: companionship is the best education.

Only mothers are good in the world! From the day they conceive their children, mothers are fully committed to their children. They pick up their children to school, attend training classes, accompany their children to do their homework, and even sacrifice their careers to become "full-time mothers", in order to save time for their children, buying a house and renting a house near the school.

The selfishness of time is exclusive to Chinese-style dads. They have no sense of "parenting or not teaching, the fault of the father", and their understanding of family responsibilities is to work hard to earn money. In the face of the complaints of wives and children, fathers often feel that they have been greatly wronged, "I am working hard outside, is it not for this family? ”

It is a fact that Chinese society has complex human feelings and many social interactions. But no matter how busy you are, can you get past Obama? During the 21-month-long campaign, Mr. Olympic did not miss a parent-teacher meeting for his children. After being elected president, he taught his two daughters to learn to swim, took them to the amusement park, and patiently listened to them as "good girlfriends" to talk about their troubles...

In primitive society, children followed their father out hunting and gradually explored the world. Father's love as a spiritual pillar is crucial to a child's career success, while maternal love is related to the child's happiness in life. The healthy growth of children, father's love and maternal love are indispensable.

The lack of paternal love in the family has forced many mothers to take on the role of fathers. This role misalignment almost inevitably leads to serious consequences, with mothers becoming more and more anxious, less and less patient, and more and more controlling. And strong mothers are not good for the psychological growth of both boys and girls. Strong mothers usually cause their daughters to be equally strong and their sons to be cowardly.

Mothers' over-investment in time often backfires. Accompanying children to do homework will hinder the formation of children's independent learning habits. The value of stay-at-home moms needs to be looked at in two. Young children have a strong emotional dependence on their mothers and dependence on life; as children continue to grow, because there is no career, full-time mothers will gradually lose their sense of respect in their children's minds.

A combination of father-love and motherly love with complementary roles and balanced input, effective companionship rather than excessive intervention, is the gospel of the child.

Third, financial selfishness

The daughter did not study hard, and her middle school examination score was five points lower than the local key high school admission line, causing Ms. Wang to spend 120,000 yuan more. Even more painful than pulling out real money was her fear that in three years' time, her daughter would let her get a college at a more expensive price.

In order to touch her daughter's nerves, on the morning of the payment, Ms. Wang "worked on the spot". She spread 100,000 yuan on the table and elaborated on the composition: 25,000 yuan of thanks fee for relevant people + 60,000 yuan of borrowing fee for the actual school attended + 15,000 yuan of student registration fee for the actual admission school. Together with the 10,000 yuan introduction fee and 10,000 yuan of entertainment fee paid in advance, the conclusion is that one point is worth 24,000 yuan. Daughter, finally tears poured down.

On money-related issues, a large number of parents are a contradiction. On the one hand, it is absolutely selfless, providing children with the best possible everything in life, academics, cultural and sports specialties and other aspects, and even many grassroots parents also cut down on food and clothing to raise their children as "rich second generation". A hundred years later, there is no doubt that 100% of the family property is left to the child. On the other hand, they are incredibly "miserly", never forget to remind the children, how much we spend on extracurricular training courses for you, how much this Pair of Nike shoes cost...

Parents make a fuss about money in an attempt to make their children feel guilty, which in turn translates into motivation for learning. In fact, this practice suppresses the child's humanity and inevitably destroys the parent-child relationship. Taking a step back, even if it can play a role in driving children to study hard, this role must be short-term, and self-driven curiosity is the only source of children's long-term hard work.

Children come to this world passively, and cultivating children is the responsibility and obligation of parents that cannot be shirked and cannot be discounted. Within the scope of the family's financial resources, parents should not set any conditions or make any articles for any reasonable expenses.

Nietzsche said that a mature person should realize that it is selfish and disrespectful for parents to bring their children into the world without their consent.

Of course, we can't get our child's consent before bringing them into the world.

Parenting, why? For their own happiness, or for the happiness of their children? When the two conflict, which do you choose?

Taking the child as their own private property and never recognizing the child as an individual with an independent personality is the root of the selfishness of Chinese parents. What's even more frightening is that they are unaware of their selfishness.