When the three-child policy came, I saw more and more people around me starting to have three children, and every time I talked to my colleagues and friends: Why did you have a second or third child? Their answer to me was surprisingly consistent: "In order to give my children a companion, we can rely on each other when we are old in the future!" ”
This is the good wish of all parents, but in fact, the truth is a bit realistic and even cruel, when the parents are there, the brothers and sisters can get together at least once a year in the Spring Festival, and once the parents are gone, these brothers and sisters who have the most blood relations begin to be estranged.
My cousin's family is the most realistic example, my uncle and aunt have five children in their lifetime, four daughters and a son, and they have worked hard to raise my cousins and cousins. When my uncle and aunt were there, my cousins could barely maintain a superficial harmony, and they met and then ate during the Spring Festival every year.
However, after the death of my uncle and aunt one after another, the relationship between my cousins and cousins instantly dropped to a freezing point, and it has reached the point where they are old and dead.
And families like my cousin's are really innumerable, even commonplace.
As a parent, I definitely hope that my children can always love each other, after all, they are the closest people in the world, and they have a continuous blood relationship, but if the relationship between brothers and sisters is not good, there are still many deep-seated reasons worth reflecting on.
01 Parents are biased and unfair in the distribution of love and property
University of California Professor Catherine M. Through research, Kongol found that 70% of parents will unconsciously prefer a child.
TV series "Please Answer" Deshan is the child who is ignored by her parents, her birthday every year, because it is closer to her sister's birthday, so her parents only buy a birthday cake for her sister, and after her sister lights candles and sings and makes a wish, she will re-light the candles for Deshan to "celebrate her birthday".
This incident eventually caused Deshan a strong dissatisfaction, she felt that her parents did not love her at all, only loved her sister and brother, she was full of grievances, it was the eccentricity of her parents that made Deshan dissatisfied with her parents, and at the same time resented her sister and brother.
Eccentricity should be the most headache for parents of multi-child families, many people are also combing with their brothers and sisters because of their parents' eccentricity, and the eccentricity of parents is manifested in the unfair distribution of love when the children are young, and more in the unfair distribution of property when they grow up.
The reason why my cousin's siblings didn't come to each other was because my uncle and aunt left the house to their son and his most beloved little daughter, and the others didn't get anything, so after a fight in the family, they never contacted each other again!
André Moroa said in The Five Problems of Life:
What is a happy childhood? It is the parents who have no gap between them, who love their children tenderly while maintaining strong discipline and an equal attitude among children.
Therefore, although homework parents cannot be absolutely fair, they must at least give each child sufficient love and tolerance, and should deal with the distribution of property in their later years, and only by doing this can they lay the foundation for a good relationship between children.
02 Parents treat all their children roughly with the same standard
There are no two identical leaves in the world, and of course there will be no exactly the same two people, even if they are brothers and sisters who are related by blood.
The BBC produces a three-episode documentary called "Babies: Their Wonderful World", which truly records all aspects of the situation of babies around 2 years old in more than 2,000 families, through advanced brain testing instruments, to record the real reactions of children in different experiments, and the conclusion drawn from the experimental results is that children are born different in temperament and language, and at the same time, different children in self-control will also have strength and weakness.
Therefore, there will be some brothers and sisters who are better and some children who are relatively mediocre. For example, my family is the third sister and brother, my brother's academic performance is the best, every time I complete the homework can be completed efficiently and with high quality, but my sister is very slow to complete the homework.
Because my mother was busy at work, she couldn't help but shout to my sister every day: "Why are you doing your homework so slowly, can't you write fast and well like your brother?" ”
Even sometimes she would say: "Look at your brother, how fast you complete your homework, recently this exam also won the first place in the class, why did you only look at more than 20 people in the class?" That's a lot of difference! ”
My mother is like this, always use the highest standards to demand my sister, thinking that my sister can be as good as my brother, but these words in my sister's ears, always feel that they can not get the approval of their parents, and more she always consciously or unconsciously regards her brother as a natural enemy, until now, the relationship between the two of them has not been very good, if it were not for my mediation, it is estimated that the two would have died and not interacted with each other.
Therefore, as parents, we should learn a certain amount of educational knowledge "You are the best toy for children" The book "You are the best toy for children" mentions in detail how to deal with such a situation.
The book particularly emphasizes: First of all, as parents, we must know and understand the personality, ability and normal performance of each child in the daily life, and then observe and judge the behavior between children, in fact, the essence of observation and judgment is to pay attention, understand the real psychological needs of each child's child, and be able to listen carefully to the child's voice, and finally understand the child's true feelings, so as to realize that each child is different, but also unique, should not take the unified standard to demand them.
Parents need to learn, especially for families with many children, the effort to pay several times more than the only child family, not only to pay attention to the growth and psychology of each child, but also to deal with the relationship between children, only learn to become qualified parents, can guide children to establish strong feelings from an early age, even if the parents are not in the future, they can still rely on each other.
Conclusion: The three-child policy is coming, more families choose two or even three children, for families with many children, parents can only respect the different personality and ability differences of each child, fully recognize the advantages and disadvantages of each child, and then can use love to tolerate the different speeds of growth of each child, so that the family atmosphere out of the child, the future brother and sister feelings will be more intense!
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