There is a saying that goes well: "The palms of the hands and the backs of the hands are all flesh, and it will hurt to leave anywhere." ”
Before becoming parents, did we all want to become an adult with a "bowl of water and a flat" in the future, and to treat all children equally, fairly and justly in the education of their children? But there are really a few children who have found that the "Water Master" is really difficult!
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Families with many children, parents will be eccentric?
Two pieces of data:
Jeffrey Klugger, senior editor of Time magazine, makes the point that in this world, 95% of parents are more or less eccentric, and the remaining 5% are just unwilling to admit it.
A survey by Catherine, a professor at the University of California, found that 70 percent of parents admit to favoring a child, but researchers believe the true percentage may be higher.
This situation is often more present in families with many children.
Why?
1. According to Time magazine, parents' preference for a child is mostly related to biological narcissistic behavior.
That is, the subconscious obedience of parents to biological instincts - to reproduce themselves by reproducing offspring, this view actually explains to some extent why most parents like to control their children and pin their unfulfilled dreams on their children.
2. The author of "The Hand and Sibling Effect" pointed out that there are rules to follow for parents' eccentricity, most of which are related to genes, personality, health, and even gender.
From the reality of the situation, parents' energy is limited, often unable to take care of several children at the same time, so those who seem to be more needed or capable are often more likely to be seen by parents.
For example, "capable people": children with distinct personalities and high double quotients;
Or "weak boys": children with poor physique and young age.
It is this difference that creates the "scales of love" of parents unconsciously or consciously tilted toward a child.
Multiple children, how are parents sorted?
In general, the degree of parental love for children is the following:
TOP1: Old and young "ten thousand darlings"
The youngest children may have an advantage in competing for favors, especially when the self-care ability is still relatively weak, and parents will often focus more on the old and young under the influence of the "baby mode" (the cute temperament emitted by animal cubs or human cubs to show weakness and thus improve their survival rate).
TOP2: Boss "Resisting Heavy Responsibilities"
The first time to be a parent, the first time to witness (participate) in the complete process of life conception, this shock must be very strong, so when taking care of the first child, parents pay a lot of energy, naturally also place high hopes on it.
It is precisely in this way that in the eyes of parents, the eldest in the family is often the one who should "resist the heavy responsibility", and the degree of attention to him is second only to the young and the young.
TOP3: The second "gas bag"
I still remember watching a Korean drama "Please Answer 1988", in which the heroine Deok Sun was born in a multi-child family, with a school bully sister and a lack of heart and eyes, and she seemed to be always not seen by her parents.
Poached eggs do not have hers, chicken legs are sister and brother's, they eat chicken wings bitterly, they can only "rub" their sisters on their birthdays, and even encounter "crisis events" (gas leaks at home), and their parents' first reaction is to choose their sister and brother.
"It's me who gets forgotten every time!"
This should be the "virtuous" people in the family with many children, and the common voice of the second brother in the family who are like "gas bags".
Which "life is better"? Which future is more promising?
From the previous point of view, we can actually conclude:
In multi-child families, the birth order of children affects the psychology of the parent, and will correspondingly affect their own growth environment and personality development.
Whether it is from the attitude of parents or the actual factors, in the multiple-child family, the old and young are often the "best life", more loved by the family, and there is also a big financial help, which also creates their carefree personality.
As for the most outstanding, most of them are the second in the middle, because their living environment from childhood may be relatively bad, and they have to please the boss on the top, and they have to take care of the old and the young below, and they have to find a way to win the attention of their parents.
In the long run, it has also created their ability to "meet the source left and right", and this personality will be more open in society in the future.
However, we should remind parents that the position of the second eldest in the family is more awkward, if the personality is extreme, or if it is unfairly snubbed by parents for a long time, it may be easy to make it too inferior or rebellious and arrogant. Therefore, it is still necessary to add more heart!
There are many children in the family, how should parents educate? Here are three tips for you:
1, do not arbitrarily intervene in the contradictions between children, especially small problems, you can let them solve themselves first.
2, respect the different personalities of children, do not compare with each other, and find more of their advantages.
3. Guide children to coexist peacefully, respect and tolerate each other.