01
At the end of the year, when I gathered with friends who worked in Beijing, the most common exclamation on the dinner table was:
"I'm so tired."
We can't seem to find a suitable word to describe our current life, and all the words we can think of point to exhaustion:
Always renting a house, always on the way to move;
No time to go into the kitchen and live on takeaway and prepared dishes;
After work at night, it is usually after 9 o'clock, and there is no mental strength to ask people to drink;
The sofa is full of clothes, and the garbage only remembers to throw it away when it stinks;
......
It seems that we can't live the life we want to do our best.
I often saw a post recently:
"What would you most like to do without considering wages/occupational discrimination/parental expectations?"
22,000 likes, 3,270 comments, all kinds of answers: librarian, animal keeper, charter mother, band drummer, go to the mountains to be a wild man...
I know that most of these free and happy imaginations are just "just thinking."
We all want to free ourselves from a life that is not satisfying, try desperately, and desperately ask:
Would it be better to change jobs?
Wouldn't it be better to change cities?
Wouldn't it be better to fall in love with someone else?
Wouldn't it be better to change your lifestyle?
......
The result? Life seemed to be a little bit better, but in the end it still didn't seem to improve.
We are getting tired.
02
So what do you have to do to make yourself "better"?
You have to take your time.
But once worked, time became a scarce commodity, and work was a forced priority for migrant workers.
Want to travel? Hard. Even if you plan from the beginning of the year to the end of the year, you may receive a temporary work arrangement the day before departure.
Fancy a healthy meal? Hard. Cooking all depends on ordering takeaway, making your own is time-consuming and labor-intensive, and it may not be delicious, not to mention, few migrant workers have evenings.
You also have to spend money.
Most of the happiness of the city is bought with money. @ Warm Nana leaves work at 12 o'clock every day, lies down and opens the phone to buy something. 20,000+ clothes order, mechanically add shopping cart, submit, pay, and sleep peacefully. She comforted herself:
"I'm so tired, I should spend money."
Not only does happiness have a cost, but healing heartbreak also comes with a fee.
Colleagues go to psychological counseling, the charging standard is not only divided into levels, but also limited time, and every word of relief is clearly priced.
For a while, I loved watching live broadcasts with goods, not buying, just watching, watching the anchor's tongue lotus, watching the "treasures" in the live broadcast room crazy snapped up, late at night I often feel that "grab" has become the only verb in our lives.
Do we really need the rolls, lipstick, snacks and clothes for the deals in the live room?
No, we are just willingly paying for an ideal life.
We try to believe the promises of streamers about a better life, as if life would be better if we bought enough.
The result?
Our life is like a soaked sponge, pinch, squeeze, and after the fluttering happiness disappears, only material deception remains.
As Japanese journalist Shigeo Saito said in "Feeding the Poor":
"We pursue material prosperity,
But when the world is truly filled with material wealth,
We don't get what we really want.
This is the real poverty. ”
03
We try and make mistakes in our lives and forget to answer one of the simplest questions:
What is the ideal life we really need?
Recently, I often like to flip through the Weibo of musician Peng Lei, much like watching a good friend's circle of friends, and the corners of my mouth will rise when I look at it:
Watch him climb a mountain with friends, meet an autumn grasshopper, and pick up a mossy stone in winter;
Watch him share the cat in the sun, the band that started rehearsals, and the prickly ball that he bought at IKEA years ago finally blossomed;
Watching him celebrate the 15th anniversary of his relationship with his wife, even though he can only face each other for most of the past three years, he is not tired of it, with endless topics to talk about and endless joys to share.
Image source @ Peng Lei new pants Weibo
I thought, maybe that's what life is like.
Here, sunlight is the priority, good weather is the priority, music and cats are the priority, family and friends are the priority, and happiness is the priority.
It is not "tall", not rushed, not even too expensive, it is simple, routine, calming, a sense of steadiness on the ground.
Maybe you feel the same way, the past three years of life has been full of uncertainty, but because of this, we have begun to have the opportunity to stop, to think, to build, to identify, what is the life we really want.
We started looking at the details of life:
For a long time, I almost forgot what the joy of life was.
Until last year's long work from home, takeout was gone, delivery was cut off, and I had to cook for myself. I repeatedly dealt with kitchenware and seasonings, looked up recipes, ordered three meals, and ate was no longer a routine.
I found it so happy to be able to cook a beautiful egg.
We begin to identify priorities in life:
Last year, many of my friends got married, and almost all of them encountered force majeure, and the dates were changed again and again, but in the end, they all completed the ceremony as they wished.
They were absolutely certain that at this moment, there was nothing more important than grasping the hand of their lover.
We begin to rebuild the coordinates of life:
A few years ago, we solicited year-end summaries from readers, and one reader, @韵晗, left a deep impression on me.
She changed jobs at the age of 31 and left the original "very vain and vain work environment", and the key word she chose for the previous year was "sinking":
"It's a sinking in a positive sense,
I feel like a normal person now. ”
04
This is also what I want to say the most today:
Don't trap yourself in imagining life.
Instead of always thinking, "Will it be better to do this", it is better to practice a life with your feet on the ground.
To implement some small conventions:
@ Wei Qishu insists on making soup for himself every three days, and when the lid is lifted and the pot is steaming, I feel that I am really alive.
To maintain a simple and orderly status quo:
@ Xiaobei Every weekend with their roommates agree not to order takeout, they walk to the nearest vegetable market, pick the freshest vegetables of the day, as long as they see a table full of dishes, they feel that the fatigue of the week has been swept away.
To face life's real dilemmas:
You may remember the little couple in Zhengzhou who encountered the rotten building, Liang Liang and Lijun.
I now often go to see the dynamics of Liang Lianglijun and his wife, they will update the three meals a day, the first hot pot in winter, also share the baby's full moon photos, take the baby to see the rented house, they call it "home".
Image source @ Lianglijun and his wife
They did not stop because of the rotten building, lived their current life, and moved on.
This reminds me of the lyrics of "Rice Shop":
"Lover, do you feel that tomorrow has come,
Our boat is parked on the dock,
I will wash my hair and climb the mast,
Prop up our home like young leaves. “
Only by living each day seriously is the best way to resist the torrent of life.
05
Finally, I would like to share a movie, "Every Day is a Good Day".
The heroine Noriko is 20 years old, about to graduate from college, can't find the "job she really wants to do", and falls into the confusion of life.
She went to learn the tea ceremony, and as soon as she entered the classroom, she saw the 5 words "every day is a good day", which was like a mockery of life for her who was constantly frustrated in her job search.
She wondered why the tea ceremony teacher was doing the same thing every day, why didn't she feel bored, and the teacher replied:
"While repeating the same thing every year,
But lately I've been thinking,
It's really a blessing to be able to do the same thing like this. ”
Until Noriko studied for 24 years, she experienced graduation, employment, betrayal, lost love, and witnessed loss and death. She finally understood what "a day is a good day":
Yes, "every day is a good day", not that life is calm and uneventful, and everything is what you want. Instead, carefully feel every detail, cherish the rare period, and devote yourself to concrete life.
Perhaps, it is difficult to guarantee that life will be a little better in 2023.
But I believe there is always a way to make our 2023 a little better.
In the new year, go and keep your simple life.
Eat well, love people well, and take good care of yourself.
Don't live with a filter, but enjoy the reality of life.
We and Vantage joined hands with Mao Buyi to shoot the short film "Hard Moment", hoping to find true and simple happiness with you in this complicated era, live seriously, and pay attention to the feelings of every moment of the moment.
This Spring Festival, let the busy time in the kitchen be shorter, and leave the hard-won moments of gathering and companionship longer. Vantage integrated cooking center, one meter space integrated seven functions, 15 minutes 4 dishes 1 soup, while stir-frying, boiling, steaming, baking, improve cooking efficiency, save cooking time, let us spend time with family and loved ones prolonged. The regimental year is not easy, but the regimental New Year meal is easy.
Life gives uncertain options, but I have a way to live it.
Written by: Wang Xueqin
Editor-in-charge: Tintin
*Some of the material sources: "Feed the Poor", "Every Day is a Good Day", @ Liang Lianglijun and his wife
Life as I understand it is doing what you love.
Feed yourself, feed your family.
Life is not climbing mountains, nor diving deep trenches,
It just sleeps out of your shape in a standard bed.
——Han Han, "Life as I Understand It"