Originality, depth, style
In our daily life, there are always some people who like to chew their tongues behind others' backs, play with right and wrong, and talk nonsense, even if others do not offend them, there is no conflict of interest with them, they still cannot control themselves and choose to betray their friends, this practice will undoubtedly make people around them feel disgusted, so as to drift away from them.
I believe that normal people will feel very confused, what kind of mentality these people who like to slander others behind their backs, and what kind of personality characteristics they have, and the famous minister Zeng Guofan in the late Qing Dynasty has long had insights into such people.
At the beginning of 1853, at the age of 43, Zeng Guofan began to form the Xiang Army as the minister of Chincha and the minister of hunan regiment training, because of his lack of experience and civilian origin, Zeng Guofan was filled with many voices of exclusion and doubt in the early days of his office.
At that time, under the command of Zeng Guofan, there was a copywriter named Bao Yusheng, who was not only brilliant in writing, but also had beautiful handwriting, and was a very well-known calligrapher.
Dramatically, Zuo Zongtang, who was almost equal to Zeng Guofan later, also served as the master of the inspector Yamen, but because of his more irritable and straightforward personality, he offended many people.
However, Zuo Zongtang's understanding of the military was deeply appreciated by Zhang Liangji, the inspector at the time, which caused the other masters in Yamen to both envy him and hate him, and Bao Yusheng was one of them.
Therefore, when Zeng Guofan asked Bao Yusheng about Zuo Zongtang's recent situation, he added oil and vinegar, saying that Zuo Zongtang's words were worthless, saying that he was flaunting his martial prowess in the patrol gate and ignoring no one. He also specially reminded Zeng Guofan that in the future, he should beware of Zuo Zongtang's tricks behind the Xiang Army.
However, what Bao Yusheng did not know was that Zeng Guofan and Zuo Zongtang had been friends in their childhood, and they knew each other's temperament and disposition very well, and after listening to Bao Yusheng's words, Zeng Guofan politely declined and got up to send guests.
After sending Bao Yusheng away, his aide Guo Songtao was very puzzled, and when he asked Zeng Guofan why, he laughed and said, "I don't use Bao Yusheng and Zuo Zongtang because they have a contradiction." This man is really a person who likes to play with right and wrong. ”
Zeng Guofan's attitude toward people who like to move right and wrong and talk nonsense can be seen. And these people who like to say bad things about others behind their backs are usually not just simple gossip, many are veritable villains.
But whether it is the former or the latter, it is difficult for such a person to get the likes and respect of others. So what are the personality characteristics of this kind of person who likes to manipulate right and wrong? Let's dissect it from multiple angles.
First, often jealous of others
The ancients, who cultivated themselves without blaming others, were spared. Some people have difficulty accommodating the excellence of others, and even if the best friends around them make progress, they will also slander and insult them to discredit others. Jealousy reflects a destructive sense of superiority in the depths of a person's heart.
When a person originally has a considerable sense of superiority, once surpassed by others, the change in psychological state will make them feel jealous, which may drive them to make actions that denigrate others and manipulate right and wrong behind their backs.
The emergence of jealousy can be traced back to early childhood, when children see their parents ignoring themselves and choosing to hold other people's children, there will be jealous emotions in their hearts, but this emotion is only envy and desire in the early stage, and will never be accompanied by other dark thoughts.
However, with the growth of age and experience, the differentiation and development of personality, the psychology of jealousy is likely to form a selfish and narrow personality inward.
You know, selfishness and jealousy are almost a shadowy relationship, and these selfish people often talk about others behind their backs.
Second, I like to make fun of other people's flaws
Defects everyone will have, just a matter of obvious or not, but if you maliciously joke about other people's flaws, it is very immoral behavior, and people who joke about other people's flaws are usually darker in their hearts, extremely inferior psychological, introverted and prone to grumpiness.
But in daily life, we can often see such people, we work with people, communicate with people, inevitably chat and gossip together, and it is also very common to ridicule each other.
Talk about the shortcomings of others, in this way of making fun of vulgarity, harming others and harming themselves. Trampling on the self-esteem of others, that is, forming a grudge against an old enemy, and damaging their own image, making the other party feel disgusted and defensive.
Truly cultivated and qualified people will not casually joke with other people's flaws, after all, the topics and materials that can be talked about are inexhaustible, infinitely magnifying the shortcomings and shortcomings of others, making fun of them, or trying to avoid it as much as possible.
Third, hold high and step low, flatter and deceive
People who are high and low and flattering usually always think that they are great, give people a sense of arrogance, and they often achieve the purpose of boasting about themselves by belittling others.
A person who does not know how to appreciate the merits of others is difficult to get the respect of others in interpersonal relationships, and these people who like to hold high and low, flatter and deceive, in the final analysis, are still the inner inferiority feeling at work, eager to get the approval of others, will be through the way of degrading others to elevate themselves.
And as a person with a complete and sound personality, do not bow his head and belittle the weak, do not sneer, do not look up to fear the strong, do not flatter, maintain a level view, do not hold high and low, and do not flatter and deceive, in order to live without humility.
And in life, especially in the workplace, people who are flattered and deceived treat their superiors unconditionally obediently and flattered, and those who are lower than their own positions are treated with arrogance and arrogance.
This personality trait is called authoritative personality in psychology, which refers to the personality type in which the attitude and goal of life revolve around the position of authoritarianism.
The most obvious manifestation of the authority personality is the absolute obedience to authority and the tendency to present itself as authority, in their minds, society divides people into three, six, nine, and so on according to different hierarchies.
If this kind of authority personality is allowed to develop freely in society, the atmosphere of society will become corrupt, people's thinking will become insensitive, creative and insightful ideas will not be adopted, and society will stop progressing and form a pool of stagnant water.
Catching the wind and talking about other people's words, or even creating rumors about other people's behavior out of thin air, these acts of manipulating right and wrong and talking nonsense will not only have a negative impact on others, but also cause a lot of unnecessary trouble for themselves, so that they can no longer have the energy to take care of what they really want to do well, or avoid it as much as possible.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
Edit | Howe wanted to drink milk
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Hill, C. E., & O'Brien, K. M. (2004). Helping Skills: Facilitating Exploration, Insight, and Action.