Xiao Zhang asked Xiao Li, "What's wrong with your face?" Xiao Li: "I saw a girl's skirt in front of me sandwiched between her hips, so I politely pulled her out, and she turned around and punched."

Xiao Zhang asked Xiao Li, "What's wrong with your face?" Xiao Li: "I saw a girl's skirt in front of me sandwiched between her hips, so I politely pulled her out, and as a result she turned around and punched me in the eye." Xiao Zhang: "Then why is your other eye also dark blue?" Xiao Li: "I see that she is very angry, so I tucked my skirt back again." ”

2. Jump from the customer service of the courier company to a foreign company as a market manager. Because it is far from home, it is like my father-in-law's second-hand Wuling Hongguang. Early in the morning to go to work, before leaving the door of the community, a big master suddenly fell in front of my car and spat blood in his mouth! It startled me out of a cold sweat and broke my heart. I hurriedly got out of the car, just walked to the uncle, I heard the community security shouting: OK, don't pretend, this is the people in our community! Only to see the uncle stand up with a bone, muttering in his mouth: It turned out to be his own person! Then he walked away with a healthy stride...

3, the wife and the husband eat together, the husband does not speak, the wife wants to amuse the husband, so she said: "Twenty years ago, one of my watches fell into the well in our front yard, yesterday fished up, it was still running, and it was accurate when it left, it was incredible." The husband said, "My third uncle fell into the well in the front yard twenty years ago, and suddenly climbed up yesterday, and he was still safe." The wife asked her husband, "What has your third uncle been doing at the bottom of the well for twenty years?" The husband replied, "I've been winding your watch." "Haha!

4, watching TV at home at night, bored, I want to tease my daughter: "Morning, if I quarrel with your mother, who will you stand on?" The daughter moved a few times and sat down beside me: "Of course I am on your side!" I happily hissed at my wife: "You see, whether it is my little cotton jacket, my daughter is still facing me." The daughter-in-law said to her daughter again: "Baby, is your mother bad for you?" Why do you have to stand by Dad's side? Daughter: "So that I can see clearly how you subdued your father all of a sudden!" ”

5, the daughter-in-law said: My great aunt did not come this month, my husband replied... Are you sure? You quickly check it with the pregnancy test stick, and the daughter-in-law said: If you are really pregnant, do you want it? Husband said: Definitely, although it is not in the plan, but the serendipity is happier! You wait for me, I'll take you to the hospital after a business trip, or so, I'll take a leave of absence now to come back and accompany you to the hospital.

6, this year's double eleven to make up the balance before Halloween, I thought about it last night at two o'clock is not to understand why this is ah? It wasn't until 2:01 a.m. that I suddenly realized that it was going to make me play a poor ghost on Halloween!

7) Break up with your girlfriend! He thinks I'm poor! I crouched on the overpass and cried bitterly! Suddenly, someone came to me with five dollars! Really eat me like a meal! I'm very angry! See a lot of people around in the eye sockets! When I have a ticket in my hand! The words that are ready to open my mouth are alive and let me swallow back! Had a good meal in the night...

8. Today, I met an old classmate who asked me how much bonus I had taken at the end of the year, and I answered: Thirty-two thousand nine. He said that the boss was also too picky, why not make up a whole number. I said: These three meals and two meals and wine are enough, life is alive, this number is auspicious, very good, very good.

9, my husband is an office worker, all day long to complain about how hard to work I always say that I am tired at home with children. Today in order to let him experience the hardships of taking the child, let him sleep with the child at the window, I slept alone on the sofa, in the middle of the night the child suddenly woke up, crying for half a day, this goods actually turned over and then snored There is no follow-up. I couldn't bear it, so I wrapped the child up on the couch and coaxed me to sleep, and the next morning the goods shouted: "The wife is not good, get up, the daughter is gone, gone." ”

10, there used to be a 2b colleague, the first time to pay a salary, that excitement, there is wood, run to the personnel department to receive cash, heard that the knock knocked out, ran to see me leaning, 5mm to the glass door shattered a ground, people lying there feel that will not die, sent to the hospital in the afternoon came back, privately asked him if there is a wood problem, he said that in fact, he pretended to be dizzy, saw the glass broken afraid of losing money, and then sent him to the leader to talk about what money is fainted and deducted, he was relieved to wake up

1 Once my cup was broken, and it was too late to buy it, so I used a mineral water bottle and poured some water. The car braked suddenly as it drove, and his bottle of tea flew out and rolled in the aisle. Many people are looking at this bottle, because the liquid inside is yellow and foamy, and friends are extremely embarrassed. I didn't want people to misunderstand, so I picked it up and drank a few sips, leaving the frightened eyes of others

12. On the weekend, I went to my classmate's house with my friends to play, and stole two turnips in a vegetable garden and ate them. At night, several people did not go home, directly stayed in the classmate's house, four or five people crowded together, I suddenly let go of a fart. Everyone put up with it, and then I put another one, went out alone, and opened the window. When the third fart was finished, a buddy lying next to me said: You will tell me later, I moved my legs, and you made you jump numb.

13, recently recruited at home on the Internet, suddenly found a popular sentence recently. It sounds very tender, and people can't help but be moved: "Little dwarf, you don't have to grow tall, I will bend over." Now many people are competing to imitate: "Little fat man, you don't have to lose weight, I will lift weights!" It sounded very moving, and I couldn't help but send an adaptation to the girl I liked: "Clown, you don't have to get plastic surgery, I'm blind!" ”

14, last night the female boss made a boyfriend to get married, said that the mood is happy, please go to KTV with the company's employees. During the process, several colleagues had been toasting the landlady's wine, and I was the only one sitting next to me sullen. The female boss also found out, so she came to me and said: Before, our business was over, don't be too sad. You'll find better girls later. But I didn't listen to a word she said, and I wondered if the 5 million she said to me was still counted?