1. 40 years ago, there was a woman who slept until three times in the middle of the night, and when she wanted to go out to defecate, she asked a man to accompany her. Women go into the toilet, men are outside, wearing only sweat pants and closing their eyes. There was a guy watching a movie back

1. 40 years ago, there was a woman who slept until three times in the middle of the night, and when she wanted to go out to defecate, she asked a man to accompany her. Women go into the toilet, men are outside, wearing only sweat pants and closing their eyes. A guy was passing home from a movie, punched him, and the man screamed and fell. The woman came out and grabbed me and said, "Why are you beating my house?"

yes! I thought it was a ghost....

2. One night I was drunk and took a taxi back to the public security department, the fare was 18 yuan, 50 yuan for the driver, the driver saw that I was drunk, he looked for me for 2 yuan, I was drunk and looked at the driver, the driver asked me: How much did you give me? I said 100 yuan, and the driver immediately said: Obviously it is 50 yuan. I looked at him again, and he looked for 30 bucks. I was still drunk and misty looking at him, an hour later the driver cried, I thought I have time anyway, just in time to wake up in the car, the province's home wife did not open the door and was scolded!

3. It suddenly rained this afternoon and I went to pick up my girlfriend from work. We held an umbrella together, and in order not to let her get wet, I put my arms around her tightly. Suddenly, a woman ran from behind to me and slapped me without saying a word. Before I could react, she dropped a sentence: I'm sorry to recognize the wrong person! Then in an instant, he fled into the wilderness, and the umbrellas were thrown on the side of the road. My girlfriend wiped my face and said: Fortunately, she said that she recognized the wrong person, otherwise the person who ran like this would be me. I was disheveled in the rain for an hour...

4. Dad's company went bankrupt and I had no money to spend. I had to find a place to work, the company that went to work had to wear their uniforms, in the winter, I was confused and put on the autumn coat and coat and went out, when I went to dinner at noon, it was full of red, I was wearing a black coat alone in the queue to eat, when it was my turn, my aunt gave me a full spoon, and my colleague said: It seems that my aunt is the person who treats you as a management person.

5. The eldest daughter-in-law of the local tycoon boss comes to work in the company and asks the eldest daughter-in-law out of respect: How much salary do you want? The eldest daughter-in-law said: After tax 10,000, less than 10,000 I will not do. The local boss said: That's not okay, I can only give you 8,000 at most. The eldest daughter-in-law said: Then forget it, I will go first. The local tycoon boss said: You wait a while, I believe you will definitely be here, because we have 2 payroll cards here. The eldest daughter-in-law said: 2 cards are also 8,000 wages! The local tycoon boss said: One card gives you 3,000 to keep your own flowers, and another card hits 5,000 for you to hand over to your husband.

6. When I was in college, everyone was busy taking the English Level 4 exam. Then we had a classmate take the fourth grade at a time, 310, 311 the second time, and 312 third. We did the math for him, and it turned out that it would take more than 60 years for the buddy to pass the fourth level. Just when we were expecting him to take another 313, this dude took a 324. We all went to celebrate him and said, "Great, you've completed your 5-year mission in half a year!" And then the dude just broke down...

2. 7. We have a strange roommate in the dormitory, he has a pair of AJs who have been worn for five years, and they are all cracked into crocodile mouths and are reluctant to throw them. The most important thing is that he wears shoes and does not wear socks, which is very different! Today we went to the canteen to eat together, and I don't know who dropped 100 pieces on the ground. Only to see the strange housemate stretch his foot over, the crocodile mouth of the shoe open, stretch out his toes to clip the money, and then shrink, the crocodile mouth closed, in one breath. Then he pretended that there was nothing to do, and I understood why this goods did not throw this shoe!

8. I'm a relatively small-looking person who still looks like a minor in college. During the holidays, I went to the Internet café and said to the boss, "Boss, open a machine." "The boss glanced at me twice and asked me what year I was born?" Without thinking: eight or eight years. Unexpectedly, the boss asked: What is it? I was stunned and began to mentally calculate, 91 years belonged to sheep, 90 years belonged to horses, and the thinking of counting was confused. The boss sighed helplessly and said: Remember, you belong to the dragon, go in!

9. The boyfriend lives in a remote mountain village and once went home to play with him during the holidays. After a whole night on the train, my legs were numb after getting off the train. His dad came to pick us up and asked, "How did you get limped?" Something happened. The boyfriend who usually likes to joke said: She was abducted by me, halfway disobedient, let me beat! Who knew that his father said: It is worthy of my son, like me back then! I listened to their conversation and truly regretted it...

10. I changed a magic trick for my wife and secretly appeared in the closet of my sister-in-law's house. My wife scolded me when she found out, then reached out and twisted me. At that time, my anger came up, pointed at her nose and said, "You have the ability to hit me again!" "My wife may have been frightened by the power of my outbreak of flood, stunned for three seconds, and decisively gave me another slap!" I felt very relieved at the time, and finally listened to me, which was very good, which was not far from turning over and being the master.

11. I was playing with my mobile phone at night, and my father suddenly asked me to play a game together on a whim. Explain the rules of the game by saying: I say the first two words and you say the last two words. I was stunned and nodded my head in understanding, Dad: Black Cat. Me: Sheriff. Dad: Little head. Me: Dad! Just after saying it, I didn't expect my father to burst out laughing: Haha, I'm tricked! I listened to a confused look, and did not react for half a day: Wasn't my name Daddy before? Is it wrong!

12. When I was in college, my mentor was a widow, and we had a very unusual relationship. Every night after studying the project, I would ride my bicycle home with the female teacher. When she got home in the evening, after the female teacher got out of the car, she said with a shy face: "Can the back seat of your car belong only to me in the future?" After blushing and lowering my head, I was stunned for a moment, then gritted my teeth and said, "No problem, I'll break it to you when I go back today..."

13. Girlfriend lying on the bed playing with the phone, while playing while muttering, I am curious, just lean over to listen,

Only to hear my girlfriend chanting: "Grab something in the air!" Come here! Bring me that bottle of water in the fridge, come here! ”

I laughed, "Haha, you really thought you had the ultimate divine skill!" The water can't come! ”

The girlfriend kicked over: "You're smart!" You know I can't grab things in the air and you still don't go and bring me water? ”

 #Funny##搞笑段子 #