1 Went out to run Didi at night, pulled a beautiful girl, got on the car and said: "Brother, run casually!" "I said girl, let's dodi, not rent. The girl was arrogant: "Brother, I am not short of money."

1 Went out to run Didi at night, pulled a beautiful girl, got on the car and said: "Brother, run as you like!" "I said girl, let's dodi, not rent. The girl was arrogant: "Brother, I am not bad for money, just run, just listen to me!" I immediately got angry, pulled the girl along the city wall, and an hour later, I kindly reminded: "Sister, 300!" The girl looked at it and said, "Brother, are you taking a detour?" You pull from the south gate of the city wall to my goose pagoda, how can you have so much money? I suddenly became vigilant: "Sister, you said to run casually." The girl was not pleased, and said, "If you can prove that I said that, I will marry you!" "I said I couldn't prove it, count me unlucky, I don't want money." The girl was anxious: "Brother, Didi Car recorded the whole process, you check ah, must have said, you check it and you will know!" "I'm getting more and more vigilant, even if I paste 300 upside down, it can't prove it, do you say I did the right thing?"

2 When the rich second generation fights the king to kill five times, it turns out that a roommate calls and says in a hurried tone, "Is my girlfriend with you?" Fu Er Dai said, "Oh, let's play together." The roommate said, "Then can you give her the phone?" Fu Er Dai said, "Good." Handing her the phone, she hung up without saying two words and put the phone in her pocket and turned to leave. Fujidai grabbed her and said, "My phone! She looked at Fu Er Dai and smiled and said, "Didn't you promise him to give it to me just now?" Fu Erdai: "The two of them joined forces to deceive me!" ”

3 In the evening, a drunken gas came back, and the wife saw it and immediately caught fire. I saw that something was going to happen, and I quickly apologized, but no matter how much I apologized, it was useless, and she breathlessly circled around the house: "Hum! I'm going to buy something expensive! "As soon as I listened, there is still a turnaround, and I can spend money to eliminate disasters!" Immediately said happily, "Good! I'll accompany you to buy! "Then, together we went to the supermarket downstairs to buy a washboard and came back!

4 I'm getting married tomorrow, I'm going to wash my hair before I get married, the house is too messy to wash. I had to go to the barbershop to wash it, but what I didn't expect was that my husband also came. I saw my husband coming and deliberately said to him: Ah, you also came to get your hair? I haven't seen you for a long time. My husband also said very cooperatively: Yes, tomorrow I will get married! I said, "Oh, what a coincidence, I'm getting married tomorrow too." The hairstylist on the side said in surprise: It turns out that you two know each other!

5 My husband is a manager in a company, and today an employee sent a good Tieguanyin icon. The husband took a drink, was drunk by the girlfriend, and then grunted and gargled. The husband was a little angry: such an expensive tea gargle? What a waste! The girlfriend looked at her husband, and then spit the tea in her mouth back to the teacup: Daddy, this is not wasted!

6 My husband's family is very poor, and in the mountains, when I first went to his house, I saw a pile of sweet potatoes in the yard and was very happy. Hurry up and let my husband bake sweet potatoes, people in the mountains know that I am coming, they have run to my husband's house to see me, they see me eating sweet potatoes in a big mouthful, they all laugh and run away. I asked my husband what the situation was, and he scratched his head in embarrassment and whispered: Our hometown sweet potatoes are used to feed pigs...

7 Not long after I joined the work force, the company is a little far from home, and I have to get up very early every day. Today Dad called me: "Girl, Dad bought you a car." "I was stunned to hear it, when did the family become so rich?" I said excitedly, "Thank you Dad, it's so good for me." Dad: "The car is in the house!" You come back and try it. I was a little disappointed: "But I haven't got a driver's license yet!" Dad: "What driver's license do you need to ride a bicycle, and buy it for you to work?" "Me:"

8 After graduating from college, my neighbor Aunt Li introduced me to a job.

On the day of the report, everyone was very busy, and the boss asked a big sister to take me to familiarize myself with the environment.

She took me all over the company, enthusiastically explaining the relationship between the company and some small gossip.

I was stunned to hear it, I think she is a senior insider, despite her objections, I resolutely worship her as a teacher!

The next morning, I met her again in the office.

9 The little niece was playing in my room and turned out the love letters that the boys had written to me when I was in school. Take it out and read it one by one,

Reading to the depths of love, the little niece sighed: "Aunt, when you were in school, so many boys wrote you love letters, you should be very good-looking at that time!" ”

I said, "That's it, I'm a class flower!" Then, the little niece looked puzzled and asked me, "So what have you been through so much that you don't have a boyfriend yet?" ”

Before I could reply, my mother beside me said, "Hey, a fat one destroys everything!" ”

I:......

10 Maybach, driving Uncle Three, goes out and bumps into a beautiful woman. Beauty didn't want to lose money, and I had to marry her to take care of her for the rest of my life, so I had to agree. That day, I drove my wife to a wilderness ridge in a Porsche icon, only to turn off the fire near a village and never fight again. At this time, two old farmers came and said that there was a car repair shop nearby, but it was quite far away and had to be pushed over. They said they could help me push the cart, the price was 500, there was no rut, they gave them 500 to let them push the cart, the two guys pushed sweaty, and finally pushed it after more than half an hour. The wife said: 5 million ah, you are really willing! I said: Yes, I've been holding the handbrake!

11 When a prisoner was about to be executed, the executioner suddenly ran up to the prisoner and whispered, "Brother, can I ask you something?"

The prisoner said, "What's the matter, do you want me to give a word to your dead relative?" Policeman: "No, no, no, your brother before me has already done this for me!" This time it was like this, I forgot to wear contact lenses, and when the gun is fired, please aim your head at the muzzle of the gun! ”。。。。

The story takes place abroad

12 Our boss used to be a model, but then he changed careers and started a company with her ex-husband. I fell in love with her at first sight when I first came to the company, and I had so many possessions after divorcing my ex-husband. I immediately pursued the boss with great light. Last night, there were only two of us working overtime at the company, and I kissed her when the boss was not paying attention. I looked at her and wondered how she reacted. After 3 minutes, the boss said: You steal kiss me, you blush!

 #Funny# #搞笑段子 #