Waiting for the bus at the platform, I saw a fruit seller on the side and walked over. "Boss, give me ten dollars." The peddler weighed: "Ten pieces and five cents." Me: "Ten pieces, often."

Waiting for the bus at the platform, I saw a fruit seller on the side and walked over. "Boss, give me ten dollars." The peddler weighed: "Ten pieces and five cents." Me: "Ten pieces, often bought here." Peddler: "Big brother, I came out to set up a stall on my first day!" ”

2. At lunch today, Xiao Xu asked me: How is our relationship? Me: Very ironclad! Xiao Xu: Well, since that's the case, how much are you willing to borrow if I borrow money from you? Me: 80 blocks. Xiao Xu: We have such an iron relationship, you only borrowed 80? Me: Yeah, 4 pieces of scrap iron, give you 20 kilograms. Xiao Xu was completely speechless!

3. The six-year-old daughter was not happy in the morning and asked her what was wrong. She said: "Don't tell me to study well in the future, if I have good grades, what will I do if I am admitted to Tsinghua Peking University?" I heard that the tuition fee is expensive, our family is so poor, what should we do if we can't get the money when the time comes?" I smiled and said, "You don't care about all this, you don't have to lose money, you just have to study well." Daughter: "I don't believe you adults, last night in the square, asked you for two dollars to buy marshmallows, you said that our family has no money!"

4, summer vacation, there is nothing to do at home, I went to my grandmother's house with my little cousin for a while. On this day, when my little cousin went to the roof, he saw that there was only one chicken in the huge chicken coop, so he asked me: "Brother, why is our chicken coop so big, and there is only one chicken in the cage?" Me: "This coop originally had 7 chickens, and later..." Cousin: "? Me: "Then we came here, 6 days!" ”

5, my mother came to the place where I worked, I went to the place where I lived, saw that I cleaned up clean, fresh or quite happy, when I walked to the window, suddenly said angrily: How is your child so lazy, you see this flower is hairy and still put here, no wonder you have not found a boyfriend! I was a little depressed and said: Mom! That's a dandelion!

6, my mother came to the place where I worked, I went to my rental house, saw that I cleaned up clean, fresh or quite happy, when I walked to the window, suddenly angry and said: How is your child so lazy, you see this flower is hairy and put here, no wonder you have not found a boyfriend! I was a little depressed and said: Mom! Am I your biological mother? Besides, that's a dandelion!

7. When my daughter went to kindergarten class, she asked us to add and subtract. When I was asked, I specifically did half of it wrong and then gave her a batch. As a result, the little guy was half approved, angry and did not approve, the pen was thrown, "how is it so stupid", and then took the question to find her grandmother, and listened to her say: "Look at the good son you raised!" ”

8. Not long ago, the twin brother went to the Netherlands on a business trip. When I got home, he brought me some fancy coffee. I often drink something at home, and when my mother saw it, she said, "This thing is so bitter, why do you like to drink it so much?" I said, "Mom, people drink coffee not because of bitterness and sweetness, but about the mood." "Mom: "Don't think that I don't understand anything when I'm old, people drink that is called mood, you hold a toothbrush plastic cup every day and sit there and drink heavily, what kind of mood is it..."

9, go to buy buns, when queuing up, a woman with a five- or six-year-old boy wants to cut in line. I disagreed, and the woman yelled at me: "When the child is hungry, can't you let me buy one for the child first?" How can you be so unloving! I didn't bother to argue with her, so I said to the boy, "There's a KFC McDonald's next to here, and your mom wants to send you with a bun for 2 bucks!" The boy was suddenly anxious, stomping his feet and shouting: "Mom, I want to eat KFC, I want to eat McDonald's!" ”

10, let my mother get me two pieces of potatoes I put on the eyes, and then it was really spicy that I couldn't do it, I always thought that it was not starch that had any reaction, I couldn't stand it for a while, and asked my mother: "Why is it so hot?" "She told me she had cut the chili pepper and forgot to wash the knife.

1 I have been practicing subjects in driving school for two weeks now. The coach's temper is a little big, he can't move to roar, the more I yell at me, the more nervous I am, just reversed into the warehouse and pressed the line. Coach: After so many days of study, how can it be so stupid? I was nervous, the gear lever was broken by my board, and I got out of the car with the awkwardness of the gear lever. The coach looked at my guy and thought he was going to beat him up so much that his face changed color, and he ran away. As he ran, he said: Don't mess around, didn't I just scold you twice? Don't do it!

12, when passing by the supermarket after work, I went to buy some food and bought my girlfriend's favorite grapefruit. After returning home, my girlfriend saw that I had bought grapefruit and took it out to open it. After tasting a little, he asked with a bitter face: "Why is it so sour, you have been deceived!" Me: "No, deliberately pick sour, sweet you can eat more than half a meal, sour you can eat two more days, but also defeat the fire..." She gave me a blank look: "There are still many reasons, sour grapefruit is cheap!" ”

13, the mouth kissed a girl who did not know, the girl gave a slap on the face. His face was very angry and said to his mouth, You enjoyed it, but I beat you up for you. Mouth to face said: "Brother, it is a neighbor, how can you be so stingy, for your friend." His face became more excited and he said, "I am not a neighbor with my hand, the last time he touched someone's ass, it wasn't Lao Tzu who beat him up!!!! "

14. The brother-in-law is very serious about doing things, interviewing a foreign trade company and being the secretary of the general manager. Today, my brother-in-law passed by the copy room and saw the manager fiddling with the shredder. The manager asked the brother-in-law: "Xiao Zhang, will you use this thing?" Without saying a word, the brother-in-law took the information in the manager's hand and stuffed it into the shredder. At this time, the manager said: "This is the plan I just wrote, you copy 5 copies and send them to my office." ”